I've made an important decision folks. 

I'm going gluten free.

And I'm making a promise to try and be positive about this whole thing and not wallow on all the food that I will no longer be able to eat.  Or the places I will be able to eat. 

Actually, let's have a moment of silence about this sad turn of events.

Unlike most people who have been going gluten free or trying the whole "clean" eating thing, I'm not doing this to lose weight.  Yes, it is a life style choice, but if I had a choice, I would continue to eat all the crappy food that I love.

Instead it's a life style choice to hopefully start a road to recovery.  While my doctor may not say there is actual medical proof of a diet change working, I'm going to cross my fingers and toes that my inflammation will go down and I won't be so miserable all the time.

Which leads me to researching/going on Pinterest to find recipes for this new type of living I'm going to be doing.

Let the adventure begin.

Another New Start....

Nothing better then giving a mass over view of my doctor's appointment to the general public via this blog.

No. There was absolutely no sarcasm in that statement.  I promise.

Like I said earlier today, I was absolutely terrified to go into this doctor's appointment today.  I knew I was learning how to inject myself with this new medication of mine, which doing anything new is scary.  However, when I looked at the box, I realized I wouldn't be injecting just one "pen" into myself, but rather four.  And the last time I got any sorts of injections/shots (i.e. the devil shots), I was in lots of pain after we injected them. 

To say I was nervous was a huge understatement.

Well, the doctor who taught me how to do it was absolutely amazing.  Seriously, she was super friendly, and answered every question I had thrown at her.  She needed to verify some things about my current medication before we went over the proper way to inject those lovely pens.  But she did answer everything, including the ever important "Will it hurt...."

Now about the actual injection.  It's an interesting feeling to know you will be injecting yourself with medication, that sort of hurts, but not really.  The pens are easy enough to actually do, just hold up some extra skin in my thigh area and hold down the pen for 10 seconds.  Not too bad, the whole holding the skin part is more annoying then anything else. All I could think of for every pen (I did three on my own; the one she administered didn't hurt at all, but mine kinda had a little sting to it...) was that it was a suction cup whenever I hit the actual pump.  Once again, really weird little action, but it's over within 10 seconds and then I just move on to the next pen.

There was a bit of blood, which of course scares me whenever I have any sort of blood, but I got four different band aids (not fun looking ones.....FAIL).  I giggled going home thinking to myself how I would look completely broken if someone knew I had four different band aids all over my legs.  On top of that really hot looking leg bruising or whatever.

Anyway, now I have to actually invest in a planner because I have to keep on top of when I'm injecting these pens.  The next time I have is the beginning of December I believe where I will be using 2 pens, and then every two weeks I will be injecting myself with 1 pen.  So only 10 seconds of uncomfortableness.  YESSSSS!!  So far there isn't really any side effects, but that happened last time too.  I'm hoping that everything is going to go wonderfully with these injections.  The only problem is I have to do some blood work, but luckily I can work this with my blood thinning blood work.  The BIGGEST problem will probably be actually getting the blood outta my veins because that's been a huge fail any time I have gone to blood work. 

But that's the update on my life from today.  Tomorrow is a day to spend on the phone with mail order companies and billing offices.  Wonderful day off huh?  I lead pretty much the most exciting life in the world.  And I wouldn't have it any other way....

This is a difficult week for some of the closest people in my life and my heart aches that they have to go through any pain in their life. I have been blessed with a beautiful family.  But I'm also extremely lucky to have another family, a family that may not be related by blood, but has become my family.  They are some of the strongest people I know, and I'm proud of everything they do.  This second family of mine changes my life whenever we all get together, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I have watched my younger sisters and brothers grow into beautifully strong young adults and I couldn't be more proud.  And I know that there are people up in heaven who are smiling at us all, so proud of every accomplishment we have made, helping to wipe every tear we shed, and taking our side when the journey becomes a little too difficult.

While this may not be the most uplifting post to begin a Monday morning, I leave you with words from the Beatles.  Whisper words of wisdom, let it be....

State of Grace

I'm a lucky girl.  Yes, I know this statement may seem very weird coming from a girl who just returned from the hospital with the news that she has two blood clots in her leg.  But I'm lucky because I have amazing friends, family, coworkers, and even acquaintances who really just want me to get better.  This whole network of people who have reached out to myself, my parents, or even my brother to send well wishes and words of encouragement.  It's mind blowing.

I have always tried to be truthful in this blog and I'm going to try my best in this post.  When I went to the hospital the other day, I was so fed up with my stomach.  I cried to my dad that Monday night asking why does this particular stupid stomach problem have to happen to a girl who loves food.  And I mean LOVE food.  How many girls do you know who has a food bucket list?  Not many.  But I cried because my stomach hurt.  I cried because I have to put my parents through this. I cried because I keep having to answer the "are you okay" question that is necessary for those who are concerned but gets tiring for those who are the ones being asked.  And I cried for the fact that I will never be one hundred percent healthy again for the rest of my life.  This colitsis this affects so many people, and I just need to buck up and deal with it.

So going to the hospital to get this whole thing squared away......I was pumped.  Never in my life did I think that I would have to go through that whole winter fiasco again.  But here I am, with my leg up and the size of my thigh (okay, that may be a little understatement, but it is pretty swollen).  

This time though, the whole thing feels different.

I'm stronger then I was that December/January; I mean I'm still walking, even if it's a little painful, I'm still walking.  I would like to think I have a little swag in my step now.  If someone knows of a cane that we can pimp out, then you know where to find me.  Plus, I don't plan on just sitting around and letting the world go on around me.  I plan on living life no matter what, and not hide in a shell.  Unlike last time, I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself and just think "It happened again; now let's deal with it."

I'm not going to lie to you all.  I am not happy this has happened to me and this time around we are demanding answers.  I'm going to find out why I keep getting blood clots because two at the age of 25 is a little much don't you think?  And the pain in the leg sucks, along with having to get those stupid shots in my stomach.  Sorry Dad that you have to do those again by the by.  But I'm going to keep my head up high and the smile on my face bright because there is no way in HELL I'm letting this thing beat me again.

I did it once, and I will do it again.  With the biggest support system in MY corner, cheering me on every single step I take and every meal I'm able to eat without being in pain.

I Love My Team, Man I Love My Team

Surprise! Reporting, once again, live from Yale New Haven, this is Jennifer.....

Sorry, I need a little humor to entertain me and put my mind's at ease on how this is all beginning once again.

I'm sure this is not a surprise to many people who read this blog, I have been admitted to Yale once again.  Yesterday, I waited patiently like a organ donor for a bed to open up in the regular hospital and got admitted like a normal person this go around. Goooo meee!

Upon arrival, my limp became more distinguished thanks to the pain in my calf.  You have to understand, I was under the full impression that this was simply a flare up and that my leg was from dehydration on top of lack of whatever vitamin I was lacking.  When the doctor found out about my history with blood clots, they ddecided to send me for an ultra sound.  Well, I am so freaking lucky that they did because turns out I have ANOTHER blood clot.  Yayyyy me!  Sorry, once again I sometimes use humor in inappropriate places. 

Turns out there is a link between my colitis and my blood clots.  When I have these flare ups, I am more likely to have a blood clot on top of it.  This go around, the blood clot doesn't hurt as much as the first one did.  The first one was awful, but this one is truly doable.  At the moment, I have it propped with pillows and waiting for the family to come back to visit.  

What does this mean for me now you may be asking?  

Well, for starters it means I am here until at least tomorrow.  Today, I got shot up with the equalivant of liquid prednisone and it's reacting ten times better then the pills I received last week.  The doctor said that due to the flare up, I was not able to absorbs the proper dosage, and with the IV, I know that it will get straight to making me better.  This also means I get to try the whole eating thing, and when Dr. I came in today to see how I was, he was extremely happy to seem me chowing down on a sandwich (even if it's just from the cafe....).

This also means I have to go back on the blood thinning medication, with the possibility of being on it for the rest of my life.  While I don't think that sounds like the most amazing thing, if it means I'm not going to have blood clots anymore then I'm down for whatever.  The shots are just as awful as I remember and I wish beyond anything else that I don't have to take them, but it's the life that I lead.

Hopefully next week I'll return back to work with some necessary steps to accomodate me.  Yes, I know I'm wishful thinking, but the fact of the matter is I'm bored out of my mind just sitting in a bed doing absolutely nothing all day.  I am my mother's daughter after all.  As for now, I'm looking forward to dinner and some quality time with my family.  They really have been the most amazing people throughout this whole thing.

I also want to thank EVERYONE for everything they have done for my family and I the past few days.  Messages on Facebook, texts, calls, visits, prayers, well wishes and everything.  I have cried many happy tears the past twenty four hours for being so very very thankful with the outpouring of love I have experienced from everyone.  I'm a lucky woman.  And to have such an amazing support system backing me and telling me how strong I am makes me so proud to have my team.

Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning....

Yesterday was an important day in America's history, but also for some of my dearest people in my life. September 11th 2001 changed the world that we live in completely.  It showed Americans that even in during one of the biggest tragedies that ever happened to our country, we can come together as a group of people, and help each other mourn and grow and stand tall and heal with one another.

Thousands of lives were lost on that day, caused by an act of hate.  Millions of people were affected, from those who lost family or friends in those towers, or on those planes.  To the men and women who went to defend our nation during a time of crisis in our military.  To those military families who have supported our troops every day that they are away.

There is a man from Milford who had the biggest smile in the world.  His name is Michael and he is cherished by some of the people that I love the most in my life.  Michael worked in one of the towers on that fateful day and it's my understanding that our world lost such a bright star.

Yesterday, when I was at the memorial service in West Haven, I couldn't help but think of my friends who lost Michael 11 years ago.  Michael is a man whose legacy lives on every time a story is told by Kate or Emily or Brad.  Every time we see a lady bug outside.  I got emotional yesterday listening to the speeches and remembering how my friends hurt every day because they miss Michael so much.

And I grew extremely proud of my country.  For a country that pulled together in the darkest time and built itself back up.  For a country that showed that we were stronger then even we expected.  I cried watching that flag go up, and hearing songs for America. Because we are America. Home of the brave.

Living Just to Find Emotion....

If there is one thing I want to do, it is make an impact on someone's life.  When people tell me they always see me with a smile on my face, or that I always look happy, that means a lot to me.   It makes me realize that we can project an image to those around us, and if a smile on my face can make someone's day, then that is amazing.

But I want to make a change.  When I was younger, I had the idea of making a change with wanting to be a teacher.  And I'm not saying I'm giving up on that dream, but I am thinking that my dream, at least for now, has changed.  I want to help people who aren't as lucky as I am to have amazing friends or family.  I want to help my friends who have done so much for me.  And I want to help good causes.

I don't know how to start this great change that I have in my mind.  Sometimes I don't think it's possible, but then I'm reminded that my smile sometimes makes people's days.  Go figure right?

At a quarter of a century old, I think it's about time for me to actually start doing things.  Just take that leap of faith and soar.  Yes, this may be a complete cliche, HOWEVER, if I ever want to be successful in jumping Signal Rock, I gotta be open to jumping in all aspects of my life.  Because life is not going to sit around and wait for me.  There have been a handful of times I have taken the plunge and been brave.  And all those times have been pretty successful.  

So I'm thinking it's about that time again.....to be brave for myself.  To start making a change in my own little world.  To smile a bit more because you never know who just needs that smile to make their day a little bit better.

In That Moment, We Were Infinite

After watching the trailer for The Perks of Being a Wallflower last night, I decided to write a post about it.  Which includes my love for this book that I read a few weeks ago.

I'm sad I didn't read this back in high school, however, I am happy to get this off my bucket list.  Plus, I plan on keeping this sucker for all of my moves in the future.  This book is truly a keeper in my eyes.  It has described the struggles that every person goes through in high school but it's not just centered in high school. 

I think every person can relate to Charlie's feeling of loneliness even when he's with his friends.  I know I have felt that, even as soon as this year.  He is a young kid who has never had people really care for him unless they are family.  Do you remember that first group of friends that you had where you had to learn the dynamics of caring about someone?  And being so afraid that they don't really care for you because there is no way that a person you care for so much can want to be your friend?  Well, Charlie describes this in such a mature yet innocent way that makes you want to constantly turn the page.

I'm hoping the movie will be amazing, and from what I have seen of the trailer, I expect nothing but the best.  One of my favorite quotes came from this book.  "We accept the love we think we deserve."  I don't know why I love this, maybe it's because I have always struggled with the thought and idea of love.  But seriously?  And my friends and family shower me constantly with the love I never thought I would have ever.

I really do recommend you reading this book though.  I have read online constantly how this book is a must read for many people.  And after finishing it, I completely agree.

Dear Tuesday

Dear Tuesday,

Let's work together and make today not suck.  I really don't wanna leave work feeling like I have been beaten down and dragged out tired, so please, let's avoid that.

Love always,
Jen

Fun.....Because Who Can Hate on a Band With that Name?

Tonight....We Are Young

Open that link.  Close your eyes. And think of that epic classic song from your teen/early twenties.

Because, to me?  This is that type of song for our generation.  

I'm an admitted music freak.  I have loved this song since Glee did it (okay, I can't believe I admitted that) but I have listened to it all the freaking time.  And it's coming on the radio more and more and more.

This song makes you love the amazing people who a person can surround themselves with.  I have some pretty amazing friends who have stayed by my side no matter what.  And I mean who can't love a song that builds to a chorus that just explodes?

Okay, so I'm not the most elegant when I'm talking about this song.....but it's because every time I have heard it, I fall in love with the song and life more.  It's the possibility of a group of friends just doing wonderful things and making memories.  It's about not being afraid of anything around you, even if you are trying to get over some difficult memories.  It's about those people you will always be around, to help them stand up after life difficulties and being able to overcome them.

I dare you not to fall in love with this song.  I dare you not to sing along to the chorus at the top of your lungs.  Or to raise your hands while singing it.

Because I have found those friends that do carry me home....every time I need them.

An Angel Got His Wings....

Yesterday the world lost another amazing guy to leukemia.

I've been numb since I read the text messages this morning.  It's silly because I have only hung out with Christian a handful of times, and yet I burst into tears multiple times today.

Sometimes I just don't get it.  Why are there so many amazing people who are taken away from us and yet people who don't exude happiness and all that jazz are still around.  He was amazing.  He always smiled.  Always.  In the handful of times I have hung out with him, he just shined.  You wanted to be around him.  And from what I have seen on his facebook and the group about him, everyone else believes that as well.

If I am busy, then I don't think about it.  If I sit around, I can't deal with it.  I said multiple times today that it was one of those days that I needed to just stay in bed and sleep all day.  

And I'm absolutely terrified to go say goodbye to him.  I regret so much not going to see him a few weeks ago.  And now I have to go say a final goodbye.

Christian, you were an amazing guy....seriously one of the few honestly good guys.  And I am so blessed to have gotten to know you.  Even for a little time.  I hope you finally find peace from this difficult battle in your life.  You will be truly missed and have inspired so many people around you.

My leg has been hurting.

There is the truth.  Laid out on this blog.

I don't know if I'm gonna have to deal with this for my whole life which if I do will suck completely.  I have been working 6 days a week for the past few weeks and my leg has been having twinges in it.  At the end of the day it's as hard as a rock, and not in a good in shape way.

This brings my greatest fear to light.  That this blood clot will never really leave me.  That they still don't know why it came about so who is to say it's not going to knock me on my ass again sometime soon.  That I am never going to not have some sort of pain or discomfort if I'm on my legs for long periods of time. 

I'm afraid I'm never going to be fixed.  Actually, I know I'm never going to be.  I take 3 different medications and 3 different vitamins throughout the day every day.  That will eventually be brought down to 2 different meds, but still.  If I screw up with the medication I will be having a flare up.  Last time that happened I ended up in the hospital.

Who is to say that anyone will want to deal with this?  I know I don't.  It's almost a year and I'm already sick of the whole stomach thing, and the doctor's appointments and the blood work.  I was thinking about it last night, and it truly sucks to know that I'm gonna have to go to Dr. I probably every 4-6 months.  I don't know if that will change but at the moment it looks like that is my life.

I don't know why I have been so preoccupied with my whole endeavor recently.  Actually, I do.  I have too much time on my hands to think about it.  This summer was one of the best times I had had in years.  And when I try to share that with people, they don't understand how they could have made me so happy.  They still do, but seriously the best part about this summer was I forgot I had been sick, or that I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life.  I have always believed that summer is a special time, but this year sure proved me correct.  I'm just waiting for the train to get back on track, because I know it will.  I can not help but believe it.

Stay Relentless

About a year ago, I heard about this guy who was in the grade below me having cancer.  I had a few classes with him through out my high school experience, and he was always such a nice kid, with a huge smile on his face.  He got along with everyone it seemed and I did not know one person who had anything bad to say about him.

Today I woke up to find on Facebook that this wonderful guy died.  Instead of wallowing in this awful disease that has claimed so many people's lives, he started a non profit and tried to turn this into something so positive.  His determination is such an inspiration to all that knew him, and even those who have heard his story through friends.

It's moments like this that make me feel so small in this world.  Here is this great guy who was doing such amazing things to fight cancer and he was taken from this life.  Your positivity and inspiration to those around you will continue your message and legacy for many years to come.  You told people to stay relentless against cancer.  Don't worry, everyone is going to be a little more relentless to keep fighting your battle.

Rest in peace.

Due to the fact that I was supposed to go to their show tonight, I decided to share one of my favorite songs by Third Eye Blind.  I don't know why I love this song but it's always been one of my favorites.  In fact, I didn't realize until I was searching youtube how many of their songs I do enjoy.  I think they are one of those bands that you love all their songs but don't realize that they are the ones who sing them.  You know those bands, when you listen to the song and find out who sings it and there is the dawning of "Noooo wayyyy".

Okay, so now that that rambling is out of the way, I wanted to share about my favorite movie.  I know some people will probably roll their eyes at the connections I made to my own life, but please bare with me.  50/50 is an amazing movie.  Okay, maybe not win tons of awards amazing, but the actors are able to show the terrifying journey of getting bad medical news at such a young age.  As I was watching the movie, and Adam, the main character finds out about his cancer I couldn't help but echo his questioning his diagnosis because of his age.  Why me, I'm too young to have cancer.  Those were exactly the words I have thought over and over again this past year....especially when I was barely able to walk.

I cried during the movie.  Little old emotional me cried during the movie when he was in the hospital and breaking down to his mother.  Throughout the whole movie, Adam put up such a strong front to everyone he cared about.  He didn't want them to see him vulnerable.  I could not help but realize this is exactly what I have been doing.  This is the reason why I ended up in the hospital back in April or May, I can't remember which month.  I don't want to be a burden on those who I love, but at the same time when crunch time comes, we can't help but break down and let people in.  This is exactly what happened with Adam, at the most crucial moment in his medical journey, he reached out for reassurance from his mother.

I would really recommend seeing this movie.  I went with my mother on Friday and am so happy that I did go see it.

Dr. I....It's Almost Our Year Anniversary

After the first visit hesitation, I have looked forward to my visits with Dr. I immensely.  He is such a genuine guy, never making me feel as if I am one of his many patients.  I always feel like I am number one when it comes to him.  I think part of the reason why I feel like that is because he came to visit every day when I was in the hospital.  The new pharmacist asked if that was due to the fact that he had to, but I said absolutely not, he came to ease my mind.  At least that's how I saw it.

Why am I talking so much about Dr. I you may ask?  It's because I had an appointment with him yesterday.

Yesterday was the first doctor's appointment I had in months.  Seriously, I had not had to step in a doctor's office since May/June and I could not be happier about the fact that it is months between appointments for me.  I guess Irene is thanks to that, but I still feel like it's a huge relief that I don't have to see a doctor every month like I had been.

Anyway, we discussed my progress per usual, but we also discussed taking me down my steroids once again.  Now we are going below the dosage I was on before going to the hospital which is exciting because I have no had any flair indications at all.  So small victory on that part.  He did say that when I see him next, which is in a few months, I should be off the steroids!!! This will be around the year anniversary of these whole shenanigans starting so I could not be happier with the idea that another one of my medications will be discontinued when the year anniversary occurs.


Anyway, I also learned my weight with this appointment and while it's completely fine with my height, I'm still not fully okay with it and will begin running on Monday to become more in shape.  Please don't roll your eyes.  Being in shape and being skinny are two completely different things and I need to start running in order to not only sort things out in my life in my head, but also to feel better about myself.


Dr. I and I also discussed what happens during flare ups.  Those damn things scare the hell out of me if I'm going to be completely honest.  Last flare up I ended up in the hospital, and a friend was recently hospitalized when she experienced a flare up.  I just do not want to end up in the hospital again.  That was not a fun experience at all.  He told me how a flare up would work in my situation and if I am understanding him correctly, it shouldn't occur if I stay on top of my medicine.  This is not to say that the medicine will eventually stop working.  I had to take blood work immediately following the appointment to check various levels, one being my liver level.  He said that it had been slightly elevated which was not caused for concern but he wanted to keep an eye on it which is why he asked for the blood work right after the appointment.


If I'm going to be completely honest here, I'm completely terrified.  I'm terrified that I will end up in the hospital again for a week, or even longer, without many people who will want to visit me.  I'm afraid I am going to eventually have to give up my favorite food because it causes a flare up.  I'm afraid that at the age of 24 I am already taking 10 different pills if I don't count the steroids which I will be off of hopefully by the end of the year.  And I'm afraid that this stupid disease is going to control my whole life.  I have had to worry about my pills whenever I go anywhere.  I have had to worry about the nearest bathroom and stomach pains whenever I go out.  I'm not a fan.  How do you explain this thing to someone who has no experience with it.  Luckily I have friends who also have it so our group has become understanding about it, but still.  How do I even begin to explain this to people who come into my life in the future?  This damn thing has been a pain for close to a year now, and I have tried to hide my worries from everyone.  But what I would not give to be normal again.  With a normal stomach that I no longer have to worry about medicine, and blood and enzyme levels.

Come on Irene

I had written the following while power was out during the hurricane.  I'm finally getting around to posting these here....

8/30/11
Boy there is something to be said for 2011.  Everyone always said 2012 was the year the world would end, but I gotta question if this is really the case.  2011 has had some crazy storms, never ending days of rain, an earthquake which I'm still not sure happened (okay okay I know it did) and now a hurricane which has left a wave of destruction on the East coast.  And my family has been without power and water for 48+ hours and counting.

I am currently writing this is the depth of the power outage on my back porch, enjoying a cocktail before it spoils.  Yes, that's right, without power a butt load of beer is going to be tossed because of Irene.  I feel as if that's tragedy enough.

I must count my blessings though, family and friends are all safe and apart from a tree destroying Nana's deck, there is no real bad damage.  Heather and I are still roughing it....no power since Sunday morning.  I had my first shower since before power went off earlier today.  Can I just tell you how amazing that is?  Just imagine having no running water to even flush a toilet and you will know how I have been living.  Well water means we need electricity for water to get into out house.

I volunteer to go into work for the plumbing and to charge my phone.  I wish I was joking.

I don't know when we will get power back or why it's been down.  Tom said a tree is down across the road, but I haven't been that way yet. 

Coming home in pitch black is terrifying, let me tell you.  The stars are beautiful, don't get me wrong, but the sound of generators are sort of a buzz kill.

More on that topic later....

But like I said, I'm glad there is no significant damage to my loved ones.  I'm just crossing my fingers for power to be restored.  And I do not need internet and cable at the moment, just running water would be nice. 

Cause it Led Me Straight to This

Have you ever wondered how you have gotten to certain places in your life?  Like how things can change one hundred percent because of some decision  you made?

Last night I was talking about this with someone, how if they had made different decisions and if things had worked out the way he was imagining, then life would be completely different now.  This idea is very similar to one of my favorite songs by Darius Rucker.  It's called This and I highly recommend listening to it.


Anyway, this year has, to put it lightly, sucked.  Or at least it was.  Six months into it, and it's finally changing.  I never imagined that I would go to sleep with a huge smile on my face every night, but that's what has been happening.  My dad said I deserve this, that I deserve to be happy.  And yet, I still feel the need to almost pinch myself every day because I don't think that this is real life.  I mean I understand that I deserve to be happy, but when things finally work out for me?  That I do not expect at all.


Okay, I'm just rambling and I'm sure this makes zero sense.  Basically I do not want to spell out exactly what's going on because I do not want to jinx it.  But the happiness that I have been talking about? Yup, it's still there and my smile is getting bigger and bigger.


Even though I have the big smile on my face, there is still some frustration on the medical front.  Dr. P still is not my favorite what so ever.  She once again stressed me out when I was told my INR levels and quite frankly, it sucks to worry about it even more now that the trip to Washington is quickly approaching.  Strangely enough, I'm more frustrated about not getting my blood work results back that will tell me what medicine I will be on for my colotis.  It's more annoying then anything; I have been home for about a month now from the hospital and still nothing.  I guess the bright side is the fact that I wasn't expected to even be on the medicine yet because I was not supposed to know what my stomach issues were.  Maybe I need to focus on that and know that, like I said before, all of this is happening for a reason.

A Small Request Please

Last night I was told that I seem to always have a smile on my face with a positive attitude.  While it's a huge compliment, obviously they do not read half of these blog posts where I vent and bitch about everything that has happened to me.

While I promised a fun post once I hit one thousand views, a more pressing issue has risen that I need whoever reads this to help me with.  This great guy I know, who used to hang out with my group of friends from time to time, was diagnosed with leukemia.  Typing those words have put a serious knot in my throat.  I don't see the guy often anymore, in fact probably have not seen him in over a year.  But you know those types of people that you just know are good people, well this guy is that person.  He always has a smile on his face, was always very nice and open to talk to, and just like I said a great guy.

Now when I saw him thanking people for prayers on Facebook, I asked my friend who introduced me to him what happened.  She didn't know, until this morning when she talked to his sister and got the information.  The text from my friend was a kick in the stomach.  Even though I haven't talked to the kid in a year I'm willing to go visit him at the hospital.  And ever since then, I have been wondering why bad things happen to good people.  I'm not even talking about me.  This kid is young, he doesn't deserve to go through this.

So basically this is what I'm asking every person who reads this blog post.  Can you please send out good, positive thoughts for my friend who is going through this trying time.  I don't want to put a name here just because I feel weird with privacy and stuff.  But everyone's well wishes helped me through this difficult year.  And he needs our support.  As weird as this may sound, I feel like this is plea for the help of my readers is doing something, anything, to try and get him better.  Because while sickness is never a good thing, it really is not fair when it's a 25 year old. Thanks everyone

I Want Something Better to Drink

This drink for the procedure is the absolutely most disgusting thing I have ever tasted in my life.  Everything I need to take to make my insides better with tests tastes gross.  At least with the contrast, that I'm done with an hour before, tops.  This stuff I have to drink for the rest of tonight and then all day tomorrow basically while I sit and wait for the procedure to be done at four.

For my friends who read this, please keep me entertained because I'm going to need it.

On top of my inside procedure, I will be getting an ultrasound on my leg sometime tomorrow.  I have become an old pro at that simple routine, so I'm not too worried about that.  I just wish I could have remembered to keep my Ipod here, but I sent that home with the parentals tonight.

I think tomorrow to pass the time I am going to color my roommate a picture.  She has already had an insane amount of visitors since I have arrived, full house all the time.  But it never hurts to brighten someone's day with an adorable picture.

One of the guys here reminds me of Tara and Tom so much it makes me miss work a lot.  He says in front of patients how much he doesn't want to be there, but yet is staying longer then he would and is even in on his day off.   That's what those kids do.  I just wish they would text me fun stories now.

Later if I'm up and unable to go to sleep I'm writing a list of all the different foods I can not wait to eat after this week.  Remember kids, my last "meal" was a sub on Sunday for lunch.  I could barely get through my dad's amazing chicken, bacon and onion dish for dinner that night, and the salad at Harry's. Forget it.  So to say I'm in desperate need of some amazing meals is a huge understatement.

I feel bad because when I started this whole drinking thing, I had complete breakdowns and cried a whole hell of a lot. I kept repeating that I did not want to do this at all.  But I have to give props to my little brother for giving me the straw secret, it hasn't been so bad with the straw.  And I honestly want to apologize to my parents for taking my anger out on them about this whole thing.  You hurt the people you love the most is what the old saying goes and if that's the case, they have had a beating throughout this thing.

Signing off for now. I'm going to talk to my new friend next door :)

Signing Off For the Day

Today has been day and night in regards to my health but I am still in the same room and still have no idea when I get to leave.

Today and yesterday I have had more visitors then a girl could ask for.  Today though a handful of the people visiting were not a huge fans of hospitals.  Tommy for one told me he hates them and he surprised me by appearing at my doorway with Maryellen.  Aunt Barb and Uncle Mike listened to me ramble last night for a while.  Stacey and her mom surprised me when they showed up, including a little spill because we all get a little excited when we talk.  Aunt Debbie stopped in tonight a little before my girls came to visit.  I was most proud of Shannon and Meggie; Meggie because she's also not good with needles, and Shannon because she does not have a good history with hospitals.  And my Amy had the giggles which made me smile a lot.

When Daddy came in, he stopped in the doorway, amazed how well I looked.  Supposedly yesterday I blended in with the sheets.  Never a good thing.  So a HUGE plus that I actually have color today.

Dr. I came in today to check in on me, and he was highly surprised how better I am.  He said he was expecting me still needing to go to the bathroom a lot, which I really haven't been needing only because I have been drinking so much fluids.  But he seemed pleasantly surprised with my recovery.  And I kind of made him smile when I told him how pumped I was about the fact I was able to have food, even if it's just clear liquid.  It would be nice tomorrow to be able to have ice cream but I'll take what I can.  Because to be honest I want a juicy cheeseburger but that's in my future becauseeeee..... 

We decided to get the procedure to finally figure out what is wrong with me on Thursday.  Even though it terrifies me, we figure it's what is best for me, and to avoid having another one of these tragic episodes where I terrify everyone around me.  So I get to have the joys of a procedure that most people don't get until they are in their 50s.  Might as well throw it all in the mix this time around.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the people who have text messaged, called, facebooked, visited, etc.  I don't think I can say how much that is making me want to get on my feet faster, to be able to play with you guys and not have to scare my love ones.  And yesterday/today was the highest amount of page views I think I have ever had on this blog, so I really do appreciate it.

Tomorrow I will probably make more posts then normal because I'm going to be bored.  Although I may be reporting from a completely different room because even though I was supposed to be transferred to the regular floor today/tonight, I'm still in the step down unit.  And if you plan on visiting, don't fret if you see intensive care.... I'm just in the step below that. :)