Love You More.....

Yesterday marked 1 year since I last heard your voice Daddy and I still feel lost without you.

Every day I miss you more then any words can explain.  When good things happen and when bad things occur, I reach my phone to text you.  Imagine the pain when I remember you are not around to give me advice anymore; that you are not there to encourage my dreams, or celebrate my achievements.  

365 days. 

Most days are long and sometimes I feel like I will eventually wake up from this terrible nightmare.  Yesterday showed me as much as I wish this was a dream, it's a new reality.  A reality I would never wish on anyone.

Last year, this world lost one of the best men that I have ever known and I was blessed to call you my father.  Our family's world crumbled and we have been struggling to regain some sort of footing ever since.  I truly believe the world lost a bit of it's sparkle because you left this life.  

Thank you Dad for making me into the caring, saracastic, hard working woman that I am today.  You taught me so much in the 26 years I was blessed to have you in my life and I am still learning from you every day.  Thank you for teaching me that I am stronger then I give myself credit for, even though I wish you were here to encourage me every day.  

I don't think there has been a day that has gone by that I don't think of you or miss you.  I hope I make you proud every single day, that's all I wish every single day.  I want you to know it's a struggle to face every single day, but I am a warrior for you.  I smile and treat people with respect like you taught me to.  

You were the best man I have ever known and I miss your smile, your sarcasm, your laughter and your daily advice on how to conquer this world.  I still can not believe it's been 365 days and I miss you every single day.

Love you more.

"I know that we all think we're immortal, we're supposed to feel that way, we're graduating. The future is and should be bright, but, like our brief four years in high school, what makes life valuable is that it doesn't last forever, what makes it precious is that it ends. I know that now more than ever. And I say it today of all days to remind us that time is luck. So don't waste it living someone else's life, make yours count for something. Fight for what matters to you, no matter what. Because even if you fall short, what better way is there to live?" 

Gwen Stacy Spiderman 2 

**don't mind the high school bit.  I saw the movie today and thought this quote was important to remember.

Friday Favorites

I'm going to share my 5 favorite things from this week.

1. March Madness.  And UCONN basketball.  And trash talking with family members all day today.

2.  Girl's nights at the apartment where we honestly lay on the floor and just talk about life.

3. Finding sea glass on the beach....including the rare blue piece.

4.  Feeling Good in the 90's playlist on Songza.  Which brings to me jams such as this:

5.  This week I was told a few times I have a beautiful soul.  I think this is a beautiful compliment that makes me smile more then anyone realizes.

March Madness

I would be lying if I said I have been following UCONN basketball as closely as I once had this year.  But that doesn't mean that when the big dance comes I won't cheer on my Huskies and wish they to absolutely dominate the tournament.

I have loved basketball since I was little and UCONN was a staple in my house.  That's part of the reason why I wanted to go to UCONN, because the basketball program produced superstars.  For many years now, I have not kept quiet watching these games, often screaming at the television as if each of those players could hear my words frustrations at poorly executed plays.

With March Madness in full swing, I have become addicted to the various basketball games.  Kentucky versus Wichita State. Screamed at my team when they attempted that three pointer.  Syracuse AND Duke losing?  Tears of joy.  

And when my UCONN Huskies won in over time the first round, and turned around sloppy play to beat Villanova in the second, I couldn't be happier.  Let's be real, most people hate the Huskies.  But if there is anything I learn every time March Madness rolls around, UCONN has some loyal, die hard fans who wear their Husky pride no matter what.

I love our character. I love our guys. And we're gonna win this game. 

Kevin Ollie

An Ode to Spring

Spring has slowly been working itself into 2014 and I think I can speak for most people in New England when I say I can not welcome this change with open arms.

I have a positive outlook for this spring.  This winter seemed to drag so long (and is still coming if you believe the reports of this snow storm) that the few days of warm weather has put a HUGE smile on my face.  

After a long winter of gray, I love seeing all the pictures of colorful flowers.  In fact, it's making me beyond excited to start planting my garden.  That's right I plan on planting my own cut flower garden so I can surround myself with flowers on a regular basis.  Flowers just put a smile on anyone's face. I'm open to any sorts of suggestions.

Here's to spring everyone.  Flowers and sunshine.  Blue skies to encourage positivity.  Hikes with friends. Colorful outfits.  And wonderful memories with some amazing people.
 
 

Friday Fun

Life knows when you need an old friend to pop back into your life.  

You know those friends.  The people who you don't talk to all the time but when you do get back together, it's like no time has passed.

Julia walked into work on Friday and tears sprung into my eyes at not only the surprise but the fact that she took the time to come visit.

The last time I saw Julia was at my dad's wake and I can't remember the time before that.  We have tried to email back and forth but life sometimes just gets too busy.  Plus we had opposite schedules for a while there so we could never make set plans.

But for two hours, in a Starbucks next to work, Julia and I caught up with everything that has been happening in our lives.

If I'm honest, it was a perfect way to end a loooong week.  Old friends.  Great conversations.  And, a great drink.

(I told you I would blog more....)

Things Happened in 2013

I saw someone do a blog post on what they did in the year 2013. 

I love lists.  I especially love best of lists.  So here we go...

In 2013, I....

...went on a cruise on one of the biggest boats in the world.

...went to some amazing concerts with some of my favorite people.  Big shows or small shows.  I couldn't complain.

...interviewed with Yale and while I didn't get it,  I interviewed.

...established a small family with a wonderful group of ambitious people who I couldn't be more thankful to have in my life.

...watched my best friend get married to the love of her life.

...lost one of the most important people in my life.  I miss my father every single day but I am so blessed to have had him in my life for 26 years. 

...DID NOT END UP IN THE HOSPITAL THE WHOLE YEAR!!!!!

Here's to finally ending this overall miserable year where my life was changed completely but I am still moving forward trying to stay positive.

Happy 2014 everyone.  Here's to a year filled with positivity, love, laughter, health and amazing friends.

Walking In a Winter Wonderland

There is nothing better then a snow day, even when you are a twenty something and losing out on money because you are spending the day at home.

Winter is rearing it's ugly head this week as we have reached our second snow fall in four days. 

When I don't have to leave the house, I love them.

Snow days are meant for pajamas and watching movies and eating food that is bad for you.

Even though snow days are different from when I was younger, and I actually have to shovel instead of play in the snow, I would take lazy snow days all the time.

 

Friday Favorites

Not only do I love Friday's because it's the start of the weekend, but also because I can share my favorite things with you all.

1. This song.  Like most songs I write about on here, it speaks to my soul. I think this song is one hundred percent better without Christina in it (sorry I had to say it).  Those piano cords and his voice rip out my soul in such a good way.

2.  That I get to spend the dreaded 13th of the month with my Dad's best friend slash our neighbor Joe.  Was it weird that one of my Dad's best friends was an 83 year old man? Not really.  Is it weird that I'm tickled pink whenever I get to talk to him or hear that he talked highly about me at work?  Not even close.

3. These girls. This family. This picture. Our memories.

4. Text messages from important people in my life telling me what a wonderful special person I am.  Yes, this is selfish, but I got two text messages this week that honestly put such a huge smile on my face because I'm reminded how many great people I have in my life.

5. Peppermint Mochas from Starbucks and the wonderful baristas that welcome me with bright personalities every morning.  It's a great way to start a day.

Let me leave you with this piece of advice that I am reminded of every day, but especially on the 13th of the month.  Let your loved ones know how important they are to you. Hug people who you adore and tell them you love them.  Embrace the good in your life.  Because you will miss it when it's gone.

Winding Down from Thanksgiving

Another weekend coming to a close and part of me couldn't be happier about that.

Weekends are hard. No easy way to put that.  Weekends I have a lot of time to sit around and think.  And having time to think is not a good thing to do.

Last night I sat around with Chris and his best friends from high school.  These are the kids who I have watched grow up into some pretty amazing adults.  They are taking the world by storm all over the East coast and yet they come together every now and then to catch up and go out.

I love that.

As we were sitting there, I reminded them about last year Thanksgiving Eve when my dad drove all their drunk asses home from the bar.  One of them looks at me, says "Funny story," and proceeds to tell us that when he got out of the car, he got sick in his driveway.

As I sat around the table with them, I imagined my dad walking into the kitchen, telling everyone hello, and continuing on with his night of watching television.

Its moments like that I really miss my dad.  When he would be so impressed with the people that my brother and his friends have become.

A Thankful Post a Few Days Late

Thanksgiving was a few days ago.  If this is any preview for the holidays, they are going to suck big time.  But with family, and some wine, I think I can survive them.  Plus I have this huge plan for the month of December that might make me feel better this year.  I wanted to do big things last year and never followed through.  This year, I just might make it happen.

 Anyway, on Sunday I went to a Friendsgiving and we were instructed to write down 10 things that we were thankful for.  We laughed, we cried, we toasted.  But it was nice to sit with my closest friends and share what I am thankful for every day.

1. I'm thankful for my health.  I'm on an ever present roller coaster ride but this year, the ride hasn't been horrible.  And for the first time in years (knock on wood....) I have yet to end up in the hospital for any sorts of time except to visit my mother.

2. I'm thankful for patience.  While I have little patience most of the time, I haven't acted out in my many thoughts of screaming at mean people or annoying coworkers.

3.  Food, especially nachos.

4. Pictures to remind me of all the great memories.

5. And my family which includes the friends that have turned into family.  I have leaned a great deal on them in the recent years of my life but nothing compares to this year.  My mother and brother have been my rock.  My work friends and Milford family have seen ugly sides of me and still loved me regardless.  And every single person who has text messaged me, stopped by, called or reached out in some way, it means the world to me.  I lost one of the most important family members in my life this year, and I am especially thankful that I had him in my life for 26 years.

I'm a firm believer in constantly telling those around you how thankful you are for them daily.  It shouldn't just be a once in a year thing.  I think we should always tell those we love how much we love them, including tons of hugs every day.

Friday Five

1. I caught the eight o'clock show of Catching Fire with Emily and Liz.  Basically, it was amazing and I'm not just saying that because I loved the series.  Gone was the shaky camera angles that plagued the first movie.  And in turn, we saw each character's story grow deeper.  Also, it doesn't hurt that Jennifer Lawerence is beautiful.

2.  Friendgiving this Sunday.  Wonderful food.  Great drinks. And even better friends.  What more could a girl ask for to end a week.

3.  Love letters.  Not only do I look forward to getting them, but sending them makes me really happy.  I love knowing that a letter will hopefully bring a huge smile on my friends faces.

4. Catching up on with old work friends over dinner.  After a really crappy reason to get together with former coworkers, to be able to go out for a quick meal was refreshing.  

5. Buzzfeed articles.  If you don't find at least one article upon looking up the website you enjoy, then I feel sorry for you.  I mean who doesn't love lists?

Thankful Thursday

I saw on girl meets life a wonderful idea.  I have believed for some time now that we should all take a small break in our on the go lives to look around and be thankful for the beauty that is in on lives. With the difficult past four months, I think in order to move forward, stating what I'm grateful for is the best idea.

Getting emails from the universe every morning.

Hugs from my mother and brother.

Unexpected letters from friends....and writing them to those I love.

A strangers kindness and smiles, especially during difficult days.

A reemergence of summer.  

Justin Timberlake tickets. 

It's the little things in life; especially those things that make my day a little easier. I'm beyond thankful for the amazing people in my life.  If I have learned anything recently, I am surrounded by beautiful people who love me unconditionally.
 

Getting Back to Normal

Ever have one of those perfect moments?  When you back to think about it, all you can do is smile.

That was Saturday afternoon after work.

I went to meet up with my family and brother at a local bar.  We haven't all gotten together in a very long time and it was nice to all sit there, laugh and tell stories about things going on in our life.  It was amazing, especially after all the troubles from last week.  

To be with some of the people I love the most?  In a place that I enjoy a lot?  It was wonderful.

Wordless Wednesday

Last week, my dad and I would spend the day visiting Mom in the hospital.  The day would go like this.  Dad and I would get to the hospital while Christopher went to work.  We would spend some time with Mom before she ended up having food/fall asleep/have physical therapy.  Dad and I would take this time to go to the cafe to get lunch for ourselves.  Last Friday, we got to have Sugar cupcake from the cupcake truck.  I was such a happy little camper that day.

After lunch, we would head back to Mom and sit around talking or watching TV.  Sometimes she fell asleep, and often wake from her cat naps apologizing for falling asleep and "boring" us.  I played Candy Crush for a good amount of the visits, even getting Dad to try his hand at the game.  Eventually, Dad and I would leave the hospital with promises to come back.

We would go home where I would nap and wait for us to have some dinner.  After dinner, Chris, Dad and I would head back to the hospital to spend some more time with Mom.  We would hear what happened throughout the day while we were gone, and she would often catch Chris up on what he missed out on. We would giggle sometimes about stories being told multiple times, but we would spend quality family time.

This week Mom has been home.  She is walking with a cane now and when I saw her go outside today, it almost brought tears to my eyes.  I am beyond proud of how far she has come in just one week, and can only imagine the accomplishments she will be achieving every day from now on.

We sit in the family room cause Mom can't go up and down the stairs quite yet and we watch the sun go down every night.  Or at least I do.  And we chat about the day and enjoy the wonderful dinner that my dad makes for us every night.  

I've grown to love family time.  Does it make me a nerd for being completely okay with spending time with my family,cracking jokes and often giggling to a point I can't breathe?

I didn't think so either.

Friday Favorites

Spring is almost here ya'll and I am so excited for the flowers that are starting to bloom!  Just think of all the colors that are going to be coming back.  Red, yellows, greens, blues! My favorite <3

Love letters.  I have been writing them to my mom a lot for encouragement throughout her recovery.  But I have also been itching to leave a love letter to a stranger, so I'm going to be working on that in the next few days.  I think love letters will change the world.

Give Me a Reason --Pink ft. Guy from Fun.
 This song is on heavy rotation on the radio right now and every time I hear it, I always tell who ever is around me that I absolutely love it.  It's funny when a certain song can speak to your soul and this song has done it for me.  I dare you to listen to this song and not fall in love.

Thanks to my wonderful work schedule this week, my list of things I need to accomplish before my trip seems like a mountain when it really is just a bump along the road.  Packing, laundry, nails, calls to all sorts of places, and packing again, I don't know how I'm going to get it all done.

But I just have to remind myself, I will be in Miami on Friday morning as everyone I know heads to work.  Does that make this all worth wild?  Yes, yes it does.

And while I am nervous about this whole cruise thing due to my wonderful health issues, I'm so excited to be able to go on vacation with some of my favorite people and spend my days in the sunshine.

Sunshine makes everything better.

Spring Just Around the Corner

Yesterday was an amazing day.  

When I left work at 4, I did not need my jacket in order to keep warm.  Instead, I felt the warmth of spring being just around the corner.

And I could not be happier.

I can not wait until I can fill my room with flowers from the garden again.  When I can wear t-shirts and not freeze.  When I can open the windows and not have to reach for a blanket to keep warm because warm air is coming into my room.

Spring!  It's coming people.  Get excited.

 

Love Letters

For the past few months, I have become a fan of love letters.

It's simple really.  I write letters to my friends whenever they are going through a rough patch, or when they accomplish something that I think they should be proud of.  I write them hand written letters to know that someone cares enough to take a moment of their day to send well wishes there way.

If I could, I would write to every single person who has read this blog, or has sent a prayer or well wish throughout this whole journey to my family and I.

As I sit here thinking about the history of love letters, I long for the days where a guy would send a letter to his girl back at home to let her know how much he cared.  I wish for the day that you sent your girlfriends letters filled with adventures of those summer days that you met the guy of your dreams, or you were able to let your hair down and have fun.  Or the notes that were passed in secret during classes in middle school to your friends to pass the boring days.

Love letters.  They can really change a person's whole day.  Dare you to try it and not get a response that it brightened someone's day.