I'm going to let you in on a small secret.
I have had the pleasure of 2013 welcoming me in with a wonderful little flare up that has gotten worse instead of getting better. It all began mid-January. I started to not feel well and I got in touch with my doctor as soon as this started. We increased the steroids, and tried to come up with a plan because instead of getting better, the flare up was getting worse.
Flash forward to last week. Basically I was miserable. I would go into work, come home and try to eat the best that I could, and then go to sleep because I was completely exhausted. I have basically gone into hiding because I don't feel well.
I had another test done last Wednesday and was told that the inflammation hasn't gone down at all, which confused my doctor because I'm on a bunch of medications and shouldn't be so inflammed. So he upped the steroids and said I would be hearing from another doctor who will hopefully be able to figure out what's my problem. Mind you, I am piecing this conversation together because the good doctor thought it was a great idea to have this conversation when I was coming out of my drugged up state. Wonderful.
This past Friday, I talked to my doctor a little more. I guess my whole situation has him thinking about why I'm going through this and what the game plan should be. This is where it gets a bit scary and where I'm not such a strong little girl.
He said that I've gone through most of the medications that people who have colitis use. Either I can try some new medications that this other doctor will suggest, or I can try my shots every week now. I have wanted to try the shots every week now, but I need to actually get approved for the prescription through the insurance company. Wonderful. But he also mentioned surgery and removing my colon. That made me have a minor breakdown in the middle of the living room.
No surgery for this girl in the forseeable future.
Dad said that surgery will be my last option, but he has begun doing his own research on how to make me feel better. I think I'm going to start a different diet to hopefully curb these flare ups. I need to research some more about the diet before I make an official decision but I'm almost 99% sure I will be changing up my diet.
This is what has been happening to me these past few weeks. I am trying to be as stress free as I can because I know that's not good for my colitis. I have also been trying to avoid certain foods that will make me hurt. I've been having a good few days though, knock on wood.
Showing posts with label Not a Good Time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Not a Good Time. Show all posts
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Seeing as I'm finally off of the steriods, I am finally seeing the side effects to the Remicade treatments.
Number one? I feel like I'm breaking out all over the place and that I look really silly with it. Plus, I'm tired all the time and can't stay awake if I ever lie down for any length of time. Which is not fun because I do not like being tired.
I'm hoping this goes away ASAP because I'm really over it.
Number one? I feel like I'm breaking out all over the place and that I look really silly with it. Plus, I'm tired all the time and can't stay awake if I ever lie down for any length of time. Which is not fun because I do not like being tired.
I'm hoping this goes away ASAP because I'm really over it.
Friday, April 13, 2012
A Quick Review on Life
Aside from the creepy two lined entry the other day, I haven't really shared all the amazing things that have been happening/fun adventures I have been on.
First and foremost, I have become a hiker. Yes, I go hiking at least once a week now and if I don't, I feel like I am miss out completely. My group of friends like to go on the weekends and sometimes I have to miss out (which makes me really really bummed) but then there are times that we all go and there is normally a lot of laughs and fun times. I have even gone on some of the harder trails and survived! And ran into a snake and didn't scream or run crying.
Next, I passed the national pharmacy test which basically means I'm getting a raise and promotion at work. The promotion has been a long time coming because I have basically been doing everything that the job entails for months now. But whatever, I passed a test I was terrified I was not going to pass. And I couldn't be more excited or proud.
Now for the part that most people probably come here to read about. I believe I'm having another flare up which has not been a walk in the park. Let me tell you, being miserable and wanting to cry all the time? Not a fun experience let me tell you. It all began on Saturday really when it truly did suck being at a picnic and having to run away every hour and half basically. That's the first breakdown during this flare up. I have been trying to muscle my way through it as strong as I can but this whole colitis thing makes me doubt that sometimes because it truly does kick you on your ass. It's hard trying to tell someone who doesn't have it what you experience. A pain in the stomach, pain in my back, wanting to cry all the time and not wanting to stand for long periods of time. It really is the most awful thing a person can imagine.
On top of all this, I haven't really been eating. I've become scared once again that whatever I eat will cause me pain so I don't eat large meals anymore. And when I do eat, I do become uncomfortable. So on top of not feeling well because of the colitis, I am weak because I'm not eating and that is never a good thing. I just had one of the first meals in a while, plus a milkshake. Lemme tell you it was heavenly. Here's to hoping no pain comes.
So that's life. I gotta take some tests in order to see if this is a flare up or if it's just an infection or stomach bug. Such an exciting little life I lead....
First and foremost, I have become a hiker. Yes, I go hiking at least once a week now and if I don't, I feel like I am miss out completely. My group of friends like to go on the weekends and sometimes I have to miss out (which makes me really really bummed) but then there are times that we all go and there is normally a lot of laughs and fun times. I have even gone on some of the harder trails and survived! And ran into a snake and didn't scream or run crying.
Next, I passed the national pharmacy test which basically means I'm getting a raise and promotion at work. The promotion has been a long time coming because I have basically been doing everything that the job entails for months now. But whatever, I passed a test I was terrified I was not going to pass. And I couldn't be more excited or proud.
Now for the part that most people probably come here to read about. I believe I'm having another flare up which has not been a walk in the park. Let me tell you, being miserable and wanting to cry all the time? Not a fun experience let me tell you. It all began on Saturday really when it truly did suck being at a picnic and having to run away every hour and half basically. That's the first breakdown during this flare up. I have been trying to muscle my way through it as strong as I can but this whole colitis thing makes me doubt that sometimes because it truly does kick you on your ass. It's hard trying to tell someone who doesn't have it what you experience. A pain in the stomach, pain in my back, wanting to cry all the time and not wanting to stand for long periods of time. It really is the most awful thing a person can imagine.
On top of all this, I haven't really been eating. I've become scared once again that whatever I eat will cause me pain so I don't eat large meals anymore. And when I do eat, I do become uncomfortable. So on top of not feeling well because of the colitis, I am weak because I'm not eating and that is never a good thing. I just had one of the first meals in a while, plus a milkshake. Lemme tell you it was heavenly. Here's to hoping no pain comes.
So that's life. I gotta take some tests in order to see if this is a flare up or if it's just an infection or stomach bug. Such an exciting little life I lead....
Friday, November 18, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Diaries from a Power-less Girl Part 1
I had written the following while power was out during the hurricane. I'm finally getting around to posting these here....
Generators.
They are a life saver for hospitals and homes that take care of the elderly. Of government buildings (at least I assume this) so our officials can make informed decisions. And for homes that are destroyed by storms, say like Hurricane Irene.
But my goodness, they are so effin loud.
And sometimes a method of showing off.
Does a generator need to be on all day for you? Absolutely not. Should it be on until ten o'clock to light your driveway on a pitch black street? Probably not.
So this post is basically based off jealousy. But this storm has brought an early civilization feel that is completely killed when a generator is heard though out the whole neighborhood.
Would it be nice for you to offer the neighbors anything if needed? Yes. My boyfriend's family has basically opened their house to me, and my family, even if I'm the only one to take the offer. But if all I had to do was walk a small distance to a noisy house for a shower, or even a community meal, I wouldn't complain.
More ramblings from a power-less girl to follow....
Generators.
They are a life saver for hospitals and homes that take care of the elderly. Of government buildings (at least I assume this) so our officials can make informed decisions. And for homes that are destroyed by storms, say like Hurricane Irene.
But my goodness, they are so effin loud.
And sometimes a method of showing off.
Does a generator need to be on all day for you? Absolutely not. Should it be on until ten o'clock to light your driveway on a pitch black street? Probably not.
So this post is basically based off jealousy. But this storm has brought an early civilization feel that is completely killed when a generator is heard though out the whole neighborhood.
Would it be nice for you to offer the neighbors anything if needed? Yes. My boyfriend's family has basically opened their house to me, and my family, even if I'm the only one to take the offer. But if all I had to do was walk a small distance to a noisy house for a shower, or even a community meal, I wouldn't complain.
More ramblings from a power-less girl to follow....
Come on Irene
I had written the following while power was out during the hurricane. I'm finally getting around to posting these here....
8/30/11
Boy there is something to be said for 2011. Everyone always said 2012 was the year the world would end, but I gotta question if this is really the case. 2011 has had some crazy storms, never ending days of rain, an earthquake which I'm still not sure happened (okay okay I know it did) and now a hurricane which has left a wave of destruction on the East coast. And my family has been without power and water for 48+ hours and counting.
I am currently writing this is the depth of the power outage on my back porch, enjoying a cocktail before it spoils. Yes, that's right, without power a butt load of beer is going to be tossed because of Irene. I feel as if that's tragedy enough.
I must count my blessings though, family and friends are all safe and apart from a tree destroying Nana's deck, there is no real bad damage. Heather and I are still roughing it....no power since Sunday morning. I had my first shower since before power went off earlier today. Can I just tell you how amazing that is? Just imagine having no running water to even flush a toilet and you will know how I have been living. Well water means we need electricity for water to get into out house.
I volunteer to go into work for the plumbing and to charge my phone. I wish I was joking.
I don't know when we will get power back or why it's been down. Tom said a tree is down across the road, but I haven't been that way yet.
Coming home in pitch black is terrifying, let me tell you. The stars are beautiful, don't get me wrong, but the sound of generators are sort of a buzz kill.
More on that topic later....
But like I said, I'm glad there is no significant damage to my loved ones. I'm just crossing my fingers for power to be restored. And I do not need internet and cable at the moment, just running water would be nice.
8/30/11
Boy there is something to be said for 2011. Everyone always said 2012 was the year the world would end, but I gotta question if this is really the case. 2011 has had some crazy storms, never ending days of rain, an earthquake which I'm still not sure happened (okay okay I know it did) and now a hurricane which has left a wave of destruction on the East coast. And my family has been without power and water for 48+ hours and counting.
I am currently writing this is the depth of the power outage on my back porch, enjoying a cocktail before it spoils. Yes, that's right, without power a butt load of beer is going to be tossed because of Irene. I feel as if that's tragedy enough.
I must count my blessings though, family and friends are all safe and apart from a tree destroying Nana's deck, there is no real bad damage. Heather and I are still roughing it....no power since Sunday morning. I had my first shower since before power went off earlier today. Can I just tell you how amazing that is? Just imagine having no running water to even flush a toilet and you will know how I have been living. Well water means we need electricity for water to get into out house.
I volunteer to go into work for the plumbing and to charge my phone. I wish I was joking.
I don't know when we will get power back or why it's been down. Tom said a tree is down across the road, but I haven't been that way yet.
Coming home in pitch black is terrifying, let me tell you. The stars are beautiful, don't get me wrong, but the sound of generators are sort of a buzz kill.
More on that topic later....
But like I said, I'm glad there is no significant damage to my loved ones. I'm just crossing my fingers for power to be restored. And I do not need internet and cable at the moment, just running water would be nice.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
I Could Make Your Bed Rock
An earthquake hit Washington DC and it was felt all the way in Connecticut.
I did not feel such rumblings.
I'm PISSED!
I did not feel such rumblings.
I'm PISSED!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Crazy Nightmares Go Away
Last night I had a dream....or maybe it was more a nightmare. And when I think back to it, I can't help but laugh because it's not really scary. But during the course of the dream, I was terrified.
Anyway, the dream started with me attending Midnight Madness at Gampel. I don't know why I was there, only that I couldn't really see everything that was going on. And I was upset about it because I kept trying to find a place to see properly. And for those who know me, not being able to see UCONN basketball, unacceptable.
Anyway from Gampel I ended up at the hospital for some reason. I don't know why I was there, only that I was sitting in the room I stayed at when I was in the hospital. But I was in there with a bunch of doctors, I feel like there were four there, and not one of them were talking to me. Don't get me wrong, every one of the doctor's were talking, only they were talking to each other. And there I was on the hospital bed, trying to speak my mind but they were not listening to me at all. I was basically having a panic attack over the fact that the doctor's weren't listening to me.
It's very telling to how I felt while I was at the hospital back in May. Only thing is I was having this dream in August and I can not for the life of me understand why I'm having this dream now. I haven't really had any visits with a doctor who piss me off. I mean I have to call Dr. I about the blood work results from last week, but that's only because they didn't send it to him directly like they normally do. That I am fine with. But the idea of me talking without being hear? Not a fun feeling, let me just TELL you.
To some this may not feel like a nightmare, to me I woke up with a start. Not only did I not understand what was happening to me, but I also did not like feeling like I wasn't being heard.
Anyway, the dream started with me attending Midnight Madness at Gampel. I don't know why I was there, only that I couldn't really see everything that was going on. And I was upset about it because I kept trying to find a place to see properly. And for those who know me, not being able to see UCONN basketball, unacceptable.
Anyway from Gampel I ended up at the hospital for some reason. I don't know why I was there, only that I was sitting in the room I stayed at when I was in the hospital. But I was in there with a bunch of doctors, I feel like there were four there, and not one of them were talking to me. Don't get me wrong, every one of the doctor's were talking, only they were talking to each other. And there I was on the hospital bed, trying to speak my mind but they were not listening to me at all. I was basically having a panic attack over the fact that the doctor's weren't listening to me.
It's very telling to how I felt while I was at the hospital back in May. Only thing is I was having this dream in August and I can not for the life of me understand why I'm having this dream now. I haven't really had any visits with a doctor who piss me off. I mean I have to call Dr. I about the blood work results from last week, but that's only because they didn't send it to him directly like they normally do. That I am fine with. But the idea of me talking without being hear? Not a fun feeling, let me just TELL you.
To some this may not feel like a nightmare, to me I woke up with a start. Not only did I not understand what was happening to me, but I also did not like feeling like I wasn't being heard.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Signing Off For the Day
Today has been day and night in regards to my health but I am still in the same room and still have no idea when I get to leave.
Today and yesterday I have had more visitors then a girl could ask for. Today though a handful of the people visiting were not a huge fans of hospitals. Tommy for one told me he hates them and he surprised me by appearing at my doorway with Maryellen. Aunt Barb and Uncle Mike listened to me ramble last night for a while. Stacey and her mom surprised me when they showed up, including a little spill because we all get a little excited when we talk. Aunt Debbie stopped in tonight a little before my girls came to visit. I was most proud of Shannon and Meggie; Meggie because she's also not good with needles, and Shannon because she does not have a good history with hospitals. And my Amy had the giggles which made me smile a lot.
When Daddy came in, he stopped in the doorway, amazed how well I looked. Supposedly yesterday I blended in with the sheets. Never a good thing. So a HUGE plus that I actually have color today.
Dr. I came in today to check in on me, and he was highly surprised how better I am. He said he was expecting me still needing to go to the bathroom a lot, which I really haven't been needing only because I have been drinking so much fluids. But he seemed pleasantly surprised with my recovery. And I kind of made him smile when I told him how pumped I was about the fact I was able to have food, even if it's just clear liquid. It would be nice tomorrow to be able to have ice cream but I'll take what I can. Because to be honest I want a juicy cheeseburger but that's in my future becauseeeee.....
We decided to get the procedure to finally figure out what is wrong with me on Thursday. Even though it terrifies me, we figure it's what is best for me, and to avoid having another one of these tragic episodes where I terrify everyone around me. So I get to have the joys of a procedure that most people don't get until they are in their 50s. Might as well throw it all in the mix this time around.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the people who have text messaged, called, facebooked, visited, etc. I don't think I can say how much that is making me want to get on my feet faster, to be able to play with you guys and not have to scare my love ones. And yesterday/today was the highest amount of page views I think I have ever had on this blog, so I really do appreciate it.
Tomorrow I will probably make more posts then normal because I'm going to be bored. Although I may be reporting from a completely different room because even though I was supposed to be transferred to the regular floor today/tonight, I'm still in the step down unit. And if you plan on visiting, don't fret if you see intensive care.... I'm just in the step below that. :)
Today and yesterday I have had more visitors then a girl could ask for. Today though a handful of the people visiting were not a huge fans of hospitals. Tommy for one told me he hates them and he surprised me by appearing at my doorway with Maryellen. Aunt Barb and Uncle Mike listened to me ramble last night for a while. Stacey and her mom surprised me when they showed up, including a little spill because we all get a little excited when we talk. Aunt Debbie stopped in tonight a little before my girls came to visit. I was most proud of Shannon and Meggie; Meggie because she's also not good with needles, and Shannon because she does not have a good history with hospitals. And my Amy had the giggles which made me smile a lot.
When Daddy came in, he stopped in the doorway, amazed how well I looked. Supposedly yesterday I blended in with the sheets. Never a good thing. So a HUGE plus that I actually have color today.
Dr. I came in today to check in on me, and he was highly surprised how better I am. He said he was expecting me still needing to go to the bathroom a lot, which I really haven't been needing only because I have been drinking so much fluids. But he seemed pleasantly surprised with my recovery. And I kind of made him smile when I told him how pumped I was about the fact I was able to have food, even if it's just clear liquid. It would be nice tomorrow to be able to have ice cream but I'll take what I can. Because to be honest I want a juicy cheeseburger but that's in my future becauseeeee.....
We decided to get the procedure to finally figure out what is wrong with me on Thursday. Even though it terrifies me, we figure it's what is best for me, and to avoid having another one of these tragic episodes where I terrify everyone around me. So I get to have the joys of a procedure that most people don't get until they are in their 50s. Might as well throw it all in the mix this time around.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the people who have text messaged, called, facebooked, visited, etc. I don't think I can say how much that is making me want to get on my feet faster, to be able to play with you guys and not have to scare my love ones. And yesterday/today was the highest amount of page views I think I have ever had on this blog, so I really do appreciate it.
Tomorrow I will probably make more posts then normal because I'm going to be bored. Although I may be reporting from a completely different room because even though I was supposed to be transferred to the regular floor today/tonight, I'm still in the step down unit. And if you plan on visiting, don't fret if you see intensive care.... I'm just in the step below that. :)
They are Doing Rounds Right Outside Now
Sleeping at a hospital while unusual, isn't as bad as I thought. I just don't like the idea of not getting up to go to the bathroom if necessary but I dealt with that on my crutches as well.
The crazy lady across the hall was at it again last night and I heard the nurses telling her she is not the only patient they have. Whenever I did wake up, it seemed like someone was in there with her.
I got woken up twice I think for blood work and what not. It wasn't too bad, they were able to find the vein easier then they had earlier in the day. But like I said, it would be difficult to go back to sleep again but then I would manage. Same with earlier today at like five and eight. Although at eight I decided I would stay up just because I didn't fell like having to deal with trying to sleep again.
Still unable to eat today which makes me even more hungry. Wonderful for the girl who loves food. Blood levels are good though and they are hoping to unhook me from things so I can actually move around a bit. They are also saying that I may be moving to the regular floor which may mean roommates, wonderful....I can deal. I'm also crossing my fingers that Dr. I will give me the go ahead to eat today.
I didn't mention in yesterday's post but Dr. I did come visit me yesterday. It was good to see him even if the circumstances aren't ideal. He told me what he did on Friday when I talked to him on the phone which basically means I will be needing to get new medicines.
Don't worry kids, I will continue to update you guys. Especially at night when I'm bored here by myself. Oh and can we talk about the fact there is NO FOX which means NO GLEE tonight. And no MTV but no Glee? That simply blows.
The crazy lady across the hall was at it again last night and I heard the nurses telling her she is not the only patient they have. Whenever I did wake up, it seemed like someone was in there with her.
I got woken up twice I think for blood work and what not. It wasn't too bad, they were able to find the vein easier then they had earlier in the day. But like I said, it would be difficult to go back to sleep again but then I would manage. Same with earlier today at like five and eight. Although at eight I decided I would stay up just because I didn't fell like having to deal with trying to sleep again.
Still unable to eat today which makes me even more hungry. Wonderful for the girl who loves food. Blood levels are good though and they are hoping to unhook me from things so I can actually move around a bit. They are also saying that I may be moving to the regular floor which may mean roommates, wonderful....I can deal. I'm also crossing my fingers that Dr. I will give me the go ahead to eat today.
I didn't mention in yesterday's post but Dr. I did come visit me yesterday. It was good to see him even if the circumstances aren't ideal. He told me what he did on Friday when I talked to him on the phone which basically means I will be needing to get new medicines.
Don't worry kids, I will continue to update you guys. Especially at night when I'm bored here by myself. Oh and can we talk about the fact there is NO FOX which means NO GLEE tonight. And no MTV but no Glee? That simply blows.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Smiling But We're Close to Tears
The past few days have sucked. To put it mildly. I'm sorry I can't put it in better words but I am brutally honest and that's the hard truth.
Yesterday I found out that once again my INR levels are dropping. I feel like it's the stock market, and nothing I do can stop these stupid INR levels to drop. I'm at the highest level of my Warfarin ever and yet the stupid blood work is not giving me the results I need.
Dr. P wants me to see the Dr. C to determine when I can get off the Warfarin because I have "been on it for four months". I informed her that I was going next Monday and she said that should be fine to wait. I told her that my leg has become somewhat hard which it had not been and that it has been hurting. She told me waiting Monday should be okay.
I cried after getting off the phone with Dr. P. I cried (almost) at Pop's. I cried when I came home from work. Basically I have been in the worst mood ever, that even shopping didn't turn, and have been a hot mess ever since Saturday. Or at least that's when I have come to terms this whole funk has occurred.
It's become very difficult to be positive when nothing is going right. I am basically following everything they tell me to do and yet I get opposite results. The weeks that I was at the INR therapeutic levels? I had had a beer the night I would go out AND had a huge salad. Now I'm not doing either and it just keeps crashing. I'm just waiting for the whole thing to burn and for me to once again not be able to move because they can't figure this thing out. That's the point I have gotten to now. I'm expecting that I will never be fixed.
I was talking to the pharmacist at work last night about Warfarin. She told me that people normally go on 5 mg and become therapeutic and it's rare for a person to go to 10. To go over 10 mg is nearly unheard of. Well guess who is over ten? This girl. She laughed and said you would think I was a 300 pound man or something with the levels that I am already on.
Maybe I really do need to see and talk to someone because right now I don't want to be around people where I have to pretend that everything is wonderful but at the same time I want to be around people. The time I almost forget about everything is when I'm at work and super busy that I don't have to think about it. That and the fact that there are always so many people around that it just makes my mind go blank. It's great. But maybe I really do need someone to sort out everything up there. I just don't know anymore.
Up next: Monday I get the dreaded ultrasound. Which will tell me if this thing has grown or not. I almost feel like it has because it's becoming more obvious that it's there but who knows.
Yesterday I found out that once again my INR levels are dropping. I feel like it's the stock market, and nothing I do can stop these stupid INR levels to drop. I'm at the highest level of my Warfarin ever and yet the stupid blood work is not giving me the results I need.
Dr. P wants me to see the Dr. C to determine when I can get off the Warfarin because I have "been on it for four months". I informed her that I was going next Monday and she said that should be fine to wait. I told her that my leg has become somewhat hard which it had not been and that it has been hurting. She told me waiting Monday should be okay.
I cried after getting off the phone with Dr. P. I cried (almost) at Pop's. I cried when I came home from work. Basically I have been in the worst mood ever, that even shopping didn't turn, and have been a hot mess ever since Saturday. Or at least that's when I have come to terms this whole funk has occurred.
It's become very difficult to be positive when nothing is going right. I am basically following everything they tell me to do and yet I get opposite results. The weeks that I was at the INR therapeutic levels? I had had a beer the night I would go out AND had a huge salad. Now I'm not doing either and it just keeps crashing. I'm just waiting for the whole thing to burn and for me to once again not be able to move because they can't figure this thing out. That's the point I have gotten to now. I'm expecting that I will never be fixed.
I was talking to the pharmacist at work last night about Warfarin. She told me that people normally go on 5 mg and become therapeutic and it's rare for a person to go to 10. To go over 10 mg is nearly unheard of. Well guess who is over ten? This girl. She laughed and said you would think I was a 300 pound man or something with the levels that I am already on.
Maybe I really do need to see and talk to someone because right now I don't want to be around people where I have to pretend that everything is wonderful but at the same time I want to be around people. The time I almost forget about everything is when I'm at work and super busy that I don't have to think about it. That and the fact that there are always so many people around that it just makes my mind go blank. It's great. But maybe I really do need someone to sort out everything up there. I just don't know anymore.
Up next: Monday I get the dreaded ultrasound. Which will tell me if this thing has grown or not. I almost feel like it has because it's becoming more obvious that it's there but who knows.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Let's Play A Little Game
Okay so we are going to play a game. You have to choose one thing you don't think you can give up cold turkey. I'll give you a few options.
a. Chocolate
b. Soda
c. Alcohol
d. Salad
If I know people like I think I do, most people would never answer d. However, that is my answer. I have basically given up b and c....only having one of each on special occasions. I'm not a true fan of chocolate; I have to be in the mood for pure chocolate. It's been hard to avoid the Thin Mints but we don't have as many boxes anymore and I'm trying to avoid them. And the rest of candy bars? I've been good.
Salad? Salad is the reason I cried last night; it's the reason that when I get home from work at night I get upset that I can't make a quick salad to eat because it's better then eating all the pasta we have in the fridge. I mean I have to be healthy, and I'm depriving myself of essential nutrients because I'm not having good balanced meals due to my work schedule. So I eat salads to have my vegetables.
Ever since Dr. P told me that my INR levels continue to plummet with no idea why they are doing that, I have been trying my very best to not eat salads, and to continue to be semi good with not eating chocolate. This salad deprivation is what caused another breakdown last night, and what brought me close to tears when I looked in the fridge tonight upon my arrival back home. You see we have a whole new head of lettuce, and all I want is some of it, but I can't. It really is such a tease, and I don't know how much longer I can avoid it.
Truth is we are on month four of this bullshit with no resolution in sight. I have a flight to Washington booked for July, I need some sort of change. The doctors have no reasoning as to why my INR level is not therapeutic like it's supposed to be. They seem to be stumped and I think part of the reason I have been so emotional recently is because there are no answers. I take pills eight times a day, which basically means I'm taking pills every two hours, or what feels like ALL DAY. Not only that but the blood clot had not gotten any smaller since the last ultra sound and I won't know how it looks again till the day after Easter.
I was told at the beginning of this thing that I did not have to change my diet. It's funny we were more concerned about keeping my weight level because of my insides. After I have seemingly gotten that situated for the time being, now I have to worry about what I'm eating because my doctors can't figure out why my INR is not staying where it should be. It honestly boggles my mind. Okay maybe not, I understand they are trying to get it to a certain point and taking away certain food is trying to find said solution. But when I'm not eating "tons of it" like they told me, just small bowls of it to get my veggies in, I don't understand how this is helping me instead of deterring my health.
I remember a while back when I cried to my dad after being told some news, maybe it was the colonoscopy, that I was done with this all. I said it again last night. I'm grateful for being back at work, for being able to interact with people and able to eat and not bed ridden. But when I have to cut on some of the things I love without getting any sort of resolution, I just don't see the point anymore. Taking over ten pills throughout the day? How is that living to a 24 year old? Because I can honestly say I worry more about when I'm taking my next pill and if I took them all then what I am doing. And I'm just completely over it all.
a. Chocolate
b. Soda
c. Alcohol
d. Salad
If I know people like I think I do, most people would never answer d. However, that is my answer. I have basically given up b and c....only having one of each on special occasions. I'm not a true fan of chocolate; I have to be in the mood for pure chocolate. It's been hard to avoid the Thin Mints but we don't have as many boxes anymore and I'm trying to avoid them. And the rest of candy bars? I've been good.
Salad? Salad is the reason I cried last night; it's the reason that when I get home from work at night I get upset that I can't make a quick salad to eat because it's better then eating all the pasta we have in the fridge. I mean I have to be healthy, and I'm depriving myself of essential nutrients because I'm not having good balanced meals due to my work schedule. So I eat salads to have my vegetables.
Ever since Dr. P told me that my INR levels continue to plummet with no idea why they are doing that, I have been trying my very best to not eat salads, and to continue to be semi good with not eating chocolate. This salad deprivation is what caused another breakdown last night, and what brought me close to tears when I looked in the fridge tonight upon my arrival back home. You see we have a whole new head of lettuce, and all I want is some of it, but I can't. It really is such a tease, and I don't know how much longer I can avoid it.
Truth is we are on month four of this bullshit with no resolution in sight. I have a flight to Washington booked for July, I need some sort of change. The doctors have no reasoning as to why my INR level is not therapeutic like it's supposed to be. They seem to be stumped and I think part of the reason I have been so emotional recently is because there are no answers. I take pills eight times a day, which basically means I'm taking pills every two hours, or what feels like ALL DAY. Not only that but the blood clot had not gotten any smaller since the last ultra sound and I won't know how it looks again till the day after Easter.
I was told at the beginning of this thing that I did not have to change my diet. It's funny we were more concerned about keeping my weight level because of my insides. After I have seemingly gotten that situated for the time being, now I have to worry about what I'm eating because my doctors can't figure out why my INR is not staying where it should be. It honestly boggles my mind. Okay maybe not, I understand they are trying to get it to a certain point and taking away certain food is trying to find said solution. But when I'm not eating "tons of it" like they told me, just small bowls of it to get my veggies in, I don't understand how this is helping me instead of deterring my health.
I remember a while back when I cried to my dad after being told some news, maybe it was the colonoscopy, that I was done with this all. I said it again last night. I'm grateful for being back at work, for being able to interact with people and able to eat and not bed ridden. But when I have to cut on some of the things I love without getting any sort of resolution, I just don't see the point anymore. Taking over ten pills throughout the day? How is that living to a 24 year old? Because I can honestly say I worry more about when I'm taking my next pill and if I took them all then what I am doing. And I'm just completely over it all.
Monday, April 4, 2011
April Fools....Days Later
Today, I ended up crying in the middle of my kitchen after getting off the phone with Dr. P.
I'm just very tired of having to deal with all this crap. She says my INR level is continuing to get lower and asked me what I have changed in my life that would cause this to be happening. I explained to her that I have been decreasing my steroids while increasing the other medicine so maybe that's what happened. She didn't seem convinced. But I really don't know why I have so much faith in what she says because she has not been on the top of her game.
When I originally called the office, they didn't seem to have any idea where the results were. That's smooth guys, I had the thing done on Wednesday. Then, I was told by Dr. P. that I had to call the office within 24 hours if I didn't hear from them after my blood work. Funny, I thought I was going to get sick of her and now she isn't keeping up with her end of the bargin.
I'm tired of feeling like I can't get anything right and that it is somehow my fault. I guess I will try to cut chocolate, salads and caffeine out of my diet completely (that's another promise that's broken Dr. P). Today is the first time in a couple weeks that I have broken down to tears, it's not a fun time. Especially on such a fun/good day!
UConn game after work tonight which means this is going to be the longest day in the history of work days. And it's a short shift too, which means it probably should go fast. But the UConn game is on tonight!!! CHAMPIONSHIP GAME. Ugh I can not contain myself.
I'm just very tired of having to deal with all this crap. She says my INR level is continuing to get lower and asked me what I have changed in my life that would cause this to be happening. I explained to her that I have been decreasing my steroids while increasing the other medicine so maybe that's what happened. She didn't seem convinced. But I really don't know why I have so much faith in what she says because she has not been on the top of her game.
When I originally called the office, they didn't seem to have any idea where the results were. That's smooth guys, I had the thing done on Wednesday. Then, I was told by Dr. P. that I had to call the office within 24 hours if I didn't hear from them after my blood work. Funny, I thought I was going to get sick of her and now she isn't keeping up with her end of the bargin.
I'm tired of feeling like I can't get anything right and that it is somehow my fault. I guess I will try to cut chocolate, salads and caffeine out of my diet completely (that's another promise that's broken Dr. P). Today is the first time in a couple weeks that I have broken down to tears, it's not a fun time. Especially on such a fun/good day!
UConn game after work tonight which means this is going to be the longest day in the history of work days. And it's a short shift too, which means it probably should go fast. But the UConn game is on tonight!!! CHAMPIONSHIP GAME. Ugh I can not contain myself.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
It's Charming to Do Three Posts in a Day
Remember a few weeks back, when I posted a rant about my different doctors? At least I believe I posted it, it may have just been a rant to my parents and friends, and never made it to the blog. But I was annoyed with my doctors because I had three doctors who were not talking to one another to try to figure out what is/was wrong with me. For the sick patient, it was extremely difficult to go to each doctor and have to reexplain everything going on with me, and have to hold their hands because they aren't communicating.
Unfortunately, I seem to be dealing with a similar situation right now that has nothing to do with my medical issues. Well actually, there is always the possibility that I have that going on but I'm not aware of it at this moment. Nope at this moment, I have this stupid non communication going on causing me headache, even though it should have been all figured out before I was ever told anything.
Basically I'm not going to have a day off for until the following week. And I don't mean this one coming up. And while I would be fine with this if I was making more money, right now I'm not. Right now I'm dealing with miscommunication again and instead of people of authority figuring it out before bringing information to me, I have to figure it out. I don't want to really do that, but in order for my own well being, I have to.
I know life is not easy, but to not give any details, to just throw someone in something without explaining any real details to anyone, ESPECIALLY me, it's not fair.
I'm going to wear myself out. I'm going to stress myself out and make myself feel worse. And I'm sorry I'm number one in this case. And I'm not planning on doing it. I just do not want to be pulled in two different directions.
Unfortunately, I seem to be dealing with a similar situation right now that has nothing to do with my medical issues. Well actually, there is always the possibility that I have that going on but I'm not aware of it at this moment. Nope at this moment, I have this stupid non communication going on causing me headache, even though it should have been all figured out before I was ever told anything.
Basically I'm not going to have a day off for until the following week. And I don't mean this one coming up. And while I would be fine with this if I was making more money, right now I'm not. Right now I'm dealing with miscommunication again and instead of people of authority figuring it out before bringing information to me, I have to figure it out. I don't want to really do that, but in order for my own well being, I have to.
I know life is not easy, but to not give any details, to just throw someone in something without explaining any real details to anyone, ESPECIALLY me, it's not fair.
I'm going to wear myself out. I'm going to stress myself out and make myself feel worse. And I'm sorry I'm number one in this case. And I'm not planning on doing it. I just do not want to be pulled in two different directions.
That Was Bold
There was a lady waiting in the waiting room when I was getting my blood work done. She smiled at me, and after a minute she asked if I was okay. She said "You don't look so well. Are you sick?"
In my head, I was laughing hysterically. That is a bold question because she is basically saying I look like crap. I mean, I am getting over a cold, so I know I don't look amazing. But leaving the house today did I think I looked terrible? Absolutely not.
So I turned to the lady, and smiled. "Not really. I guess I'm getting over a cold so maybe that's why I don't look so good."
Since working in retail with many older people as customers, I have realized that older people are extremely bold. Sometimes to a point of being rude. And I'm not sure if they realize that it is rude or if they just have no regard to how it makes the other person feel because they have got to an age that they feel like they are exempt. And while most of the time I smile at the people and try to be polite, I really just want to ask them really? Cause it's just really rude a lot of the time.
In my head, I was laughing hysterically. That is a bold question because she is basically saying I look like crap. I mean, I am getting over a cold, so I know I don't look amazing. But leaving the house today did I think I looked terrible? Absolutely not.
So I turned to the lady, and smiled. "Not really. I guess I'm getting over a cold so maybe that's why I don't look so good."
Since working in retail with many older people as customers, I have realized that older people are extremely bold. Sometimes to a point of being rude. And I'm not sure if they realize that it is rude or if they just have no regard to how it makes the other person feel because they have got to an age that they feel like they are exempt. And while most of the time I smile at the people and try to be polite, I really just want to ask them really? Cause it's just really rude a lot of the time.
Insert Ranting Title About the Snow Today
Right now, my younger brother is in warm Miami while it's snowing in Connecticut. It's fine. I'm not bitter at all.
Today I get to have some blood work done. YAYYYY. I can not WAIT till I don't have to do this weekly blood work. You know it's bad when the lady no longer asks for your name and knows exactly where your paper work is in the folder. But it was the bitch lady that I had spoken about all those weeks ago and she has grown a personality. At least she is more talkative and isn't such a bitch. Thinking about it now though, maybe she wasn't so much a bitch but I was just overly sensitive. Who knows.
My knee seems to be a little swollen today. Either it's from standing while at work last night, or it's just I don't know what I'm seeing and beginning to see problems that do not exist. I'm leaning more towards the second one.
PS Let's talk about all the bad things happening around here. A dead body found in a park on the town line. Then someone killed by a bus up at my old school. Crazy crazy news within a day. Not a fan at all.
Today I get to have some blood work done. YAYYYY. I can not WAIT till I don't have to do this weekly blood work. You know it's bad when the lady no longer asks for your name and knows exactly where your paper work is in the folder. But it was the bitch lady that I had spoken about all those weeks ago and she has grown a personality. At least she is more talkative and isn't such a bitch. Thinking about it now though, maybe she wasn't so much a bitch but I was just overly sensitive. Who knows.
My knee seems to be a little swollen today. Either it's from standing while at work last night, or it's just I don't know what I'm seeing and beginning to see problems that do not exist. I'm leaning more towards the second one.
PS Let's talk about all the bad things happening around here. A dead body found in a park on the town line. Then someone killed by a bus up at my old school. Crazy crazy news within a day. Not a fan at all.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Rude Awakenings
I have written about him before; Dublin just appears out of nowhere sometimes. He doesn't have to be in a room, and I'll turn around and he's just sitting there, staring at you.
Well for the past three days, Dublin decides it's playtime when I can be sleeping in. He comes into my room and finds ANYTHING he can play with, including my mom's camera, and knocks everything on the floor.
This morning when I tried to carry him out of my room, he decided it was a good time to jump from my arms. Now when a cat jumps, claws are out. Meaning I have a LOVELY scratch on me. Right after Dublin retreats from the room, I went down in a half sleeping state to double check that I was not bleeding profusely. Luckily, that was not the case.
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