My leg has been hurting.

There is the truth.  Laid out on this blog.

I don't know if I'm gonna have to deal with this for my whole life which if I do will suck completely.  I have been working 6 days a week for the past few weeks and my leg has been having twinges in it.  At the end of the day it's as hard as a rock, and not in a good in shape way.

This brings my greatest fear to light.  That this blood clot will never really leave me.  That they still don't know why it came about so who is to say it's not going to knock me on my ass again sometime soon.  That I am never going to not have some sort of pain or discomfort if I'm on my legs for long periods of time. 

I'm afraid I'm never going to be fixed.  Actually, I know I'm never going to be.  I take 3 different medications and 3 different vitamins throughout the day every day.  That will eventually be brought down to 2 different meds, but still.  If I screw up with the medication I will be having a flare up.  Last time that happened I ended up in the hospital.

Who is to say that anyone will want to deal with this?  I know I don't.  It's almost a year and I'm already sick of the whole stomach thing, and the doctor's appointments and the blood work.  I was thinking about it last night, and it truly sucks to know that I'm gonna have to go to Dr. I probably every 4-6 months.  I don't know if that will change but at the moment it looks like that is my life.

I don't know why I have been so preoccupied with my whole endeavor recently.  Actually, I do.  I have too much time on my hands to think about it.  This summer was one of the best times I had had in years.  And when I try to share that with people, they don't understand how they could have made me so happy.  They still do, but seriously the best part about this summer was I forgot I had been sick, or that I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life.  I have always believed that summer is a special time, but this year sure proved me correct.  I'm just waiting for the train to get back on track, because I know it will.  I can not help but believe it.