Five Steps Back

Yesterday was a tough day.

Not that I don't miss Dad every day. But yesterday was the most difficult day I had in a while.

Mom and I were talking about informing people about what happened to Dad.  

And right there I balled my eyes out.  Because I miss him.  Because I don't get how people don't know.  And because I'm actually terrified to run into those people.

Next week is my birthday and I don't want to face it.  I will no longer be the age that Dad last knew me.  It's mind boogling to me.

The hard days take me back a few days.  I just don't want to be the strong one anymore.

There are times that I think about that day and it honestly takes my breathe away.

The pain comes in, and I can't stop every moment from that day replaying in my mind.

Every day I miss you more.  Sometimes, I hear your voice cheering me on and every day I hope I make you proud.

But more then that, every single second, I wish I could have you back in my life because this pain is not something I'm ever going to get used to.

Miss you pops.