I'm all about the summer. It's my best time. If you notice, the past year plus I have been dealing with these stomach things, I am best when it's the summer. It's winter or spring when I have a flare up and while the steroids might not let me feel beautiful, summer is when I feel the most like me.
Now because summer is starting, I am making plans. Big plans. Because last summer was a magical time, and I want this summer to be the same, if not better. How are you going to do this Jen, you may be asking yourself? Simple, I'm gonna share some of these plans with you.
1. Jump Signal Rock. It's not even an option at this point in time. 2. Start running in preparation for my first 5 k at the end of the summer. 3. At least one concert on the green complete with picnic and good friends 4. Beach days 5. Bar crawl with the Milford kids 6. Tons of pictures 7. Backyard BBQ's--including christening Shannon/Brendan's place with a few 8. Bluefish games that include Seas visit after 9. Classy night out with everyone---we get dressed nicely and go out for a nice dinner somewhere we normally don't go. 10. Dave and Busters 11. Beat Tom at Scramble with Friends 12. Create the ultimate summer music mix--obviously including Everything Tonight
Since I was a little kid, I have always believed the summer was a magical time. This summer is not going to be any different. With all of us together, we are going to have a wonderful time kids, just you watch.
I believe in friendships that turn into family. Always have, always will.
This weekend I went up to Boston for my little sister's birthday. And as some may be scratching their head wondering if I even have a little sister, let me explain. My mother is one of the lucky ones still friends with her high school friends. Yes, I have a whole second family that includes some wonderful women and men and a bond that many people just don't understand.
This family includes Kate, Ricky and Emily. Kate's birthday was this weekend and us "kids" decided to trek up to Boston to help the little one celebrate. We have spent countless hours at the beach, we have had countless meals and hanging out time, and even trips. But a trip of just the kids has not happened until this weekend. To say that we laughed our butts off and made countless memories would be an understatement. I don't think I have had that great of a time in forever.
I can not imagine my life without the four of them. On the ride home last night, I was amazed how much everything fades to the background when we get together and we just are. It's a very rare friendship that this can occur and I am lucky to have that with these kids. Age is no longer a concern and we just genuinely enjoy spending time in each other's company. Words don't seem to articulate the proper feelings I get with these kids. Yesterday we honestly sat in a dorm room laughing about text messages and feeling popular. It wasn't anything special, but Emily and I just got silly over it.
Every single one of them is a beautiful person, and I'm not just saying that because that was one of our countless quotes from the weekend. I really do mean each one of them is beautiful person who cares for those around them and are going to do great things in their life. And I feel very special to call them my family and to be part of that journey in their lives.
Monday--Entering work with my boss looking at me like I had five heads for actually walking in the building. Seriously, he said "Um, what are you doing here?" I just laughed--"I'm scheduled. I don't understand the problem." Being back at work was fun. And there is no sarcasm in that statement.
Tuesday--Allergies absolutely blow. I don't understand the point of them showing up in my life after 24 years (my first known attack) but this year? Awful. The coughing. The eyes. The itchy throat. Woof. I basically have to run out of the building and get another allergy medicine and sleep in order to survive.
Wednesday--It felt like the old days at work and that made me happy. I don't know why it felt that way, or why I really did enjoy it, but it is what it is. That's common though right? Wishing for the past or being happy when things feel back to normal even though it is miles from normal.
As far as my stomach goes, I'm surviving (in my head I said it like Kayne did in that rap song of his---real descriptive right?). I'm not in pain but I don't have my full appetite back. I want to eat all these amazing things but I don't trust my stomach yet. And the fact that these silly steroids have beaten my skin is not my cup of tea. Unfortunately, I have gone back to looking in the mirror and seeing myself as a high school student. Face broken out, which everyone says I'm imagining, and skin and bones? Yeah, hello how I was in high school. But I'm able to eat, so I guess I gotta take whatever the consequences are I guess.
The one place that causes me such a headache, I can not wait to go back to tomorrow.
Granted, sleeping all day is nice but it's only nice for so much. And if I'm not going to be in pain, I don't think I'm going to be as miserable at work. So I mean, I look forward to going back tomorrow if it only means I'm not going to sleep always like I have been for the past two weeks.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
I was going to post a video of a song, but the song I wanted to post, Jason Mraz's, I already wrote about. But I'd recommend scrolling down and reading it.
Anyway, yesterday my Rockstar doctor called me right before he went home I suppose. And he told me the second test turned out negative, which means I do not have the active infection I spoke of yesterday. Instead, it's just a flare up. Which means back to the steroids (yay!) and being able to eat again (yay!). I've become an old pro at the steroid regime and am not afraid of it like I was the first time it was brought up.
After taking the steroids yesterday and today, I am happy to report I'm not in pain anymore AND I'm actually able to eat. These steroids are miracle workers let me tell you.
Yesterday I got a visit from Tom who brought me chicken nuggets (yayayayayayay) and got to deal with a very distracted me. He also brought a plant which I'm hoping I don't kill anytime soon but I probably will because I'm no good with plants. I'm going to make an active effort though Thomas. And today I had a lovely visit with Teddi who I absolutely love spending time with. She can make any person die laughing.
I also got two cards from my Tenzia with well wishes because she couldn't decide and instructions. I also love my big sis and have missed her so.
Once again I don't know if people are even still reading this, but I want to thank all the well wishes I have received, that have been sent through my parents and everything else because it's with that support that I'm trying my best to get better.
As some of you may have heard, I broke my New Year's resolution.
How did I do that you may ask? Well on Wednesday, I went to the hospital.
My stomach has been a mess and a half, I hadn't been eating and anything I was eating was not staying in me. I wasn't even really able to keep up with my fluid intact. And the pain in my stomach? Awful.
So after leaving work early and calling Dr. I, we decided that we were going to Goose Lane. I was under the impression that I would be going there and eventually staying overnight at Yale New Haven. Or at least that was the plan. But obviously plans change.
We did go to Goose Lane, ended up in the same room where this whole process started and I got hooked up to some IV's. They addressed the fact that I was extremely dehydrated and gave me two bags of the fluids. I had some saltines and a healthy choice type chicken dinner and it didn't come back up! Because of this, they sent me home. However, when I questioned the pain in my stomach, they basically said I had to call Dr. I the next day to find out and all they could do was give me pain meds and send me on my way.
While we were filling the prescription for the pain meds, I got a phone call from Dr. I. Mind you it was 7:30 at night and I was not expecting to hear from him at all. For this reason along with countless others, he proved his nickname of the Rockstar. Anyway, he told me he didn't agree with them releasing me because in case it was a flare up, I wouldn't be able to tolerate the steriods by taking them and he was expecting me to get it by IV. But he asked about the pain and then told me a little about the lab work that came back earlier that day.
I have an infection and that's what is cause all my discomfort. Now they don't know if the infection is active or not but he assumes that it is due to my symptoms. He basically told me that I could start antibotics that night or I could wait to hear the results of the second test on Thursday and then we can proceed accordingly. I decided on option two and went home and got into bed.
Yesterday, I called the Rockstar to find out more about the infection because my mother told me a few things about it that she was concerned about, one of them being the fact that I can have visitors. Anyway, the test results still weren't in and he suggested taking the medication so I can start to be on the mend. And while it may sound silly to start treating something that we don't know I definitely have, he has not steered me wrong before.
I started that medication yesterday and while I don't feel a huge change, I'm hoping it works.
Rest time now. I'll updated once I hear back from the doctor.
I have spend most of this gorgeous weekend sleeping in my room. Fact.
It's not like I want to, but when you don't feel well, all you wanna do is sleep. Right now, my body feels like it's gotten hit by a truck and takes serious effort to stand and/or hold things. I hate being this weak, because I like standing on my own but jeez....I'm weak at this time.
I have had a few friends and my parents tell me I am strong. One told me I had to play like a champ. With people like that who believe in you? How can you want to cry all the time because you are not doing okay. I'm trying to figure that out. Part of me thinks the tears after hearing these things are because I'm afraid I am going to disappoint them when I am not that strong. But then I think they have stuck by my side through all of this so I'm assuming they will still be there.
Greg told me today how I looked like shit when I first walked into Nana's. I really wish it was a hang over like he said.
Boost seems to be sitting with me okay at the moment. I haven't been eating so I decided that it was a good idea to have some sort of supplement (ohhh heyyy body builder) and it's working at the moment. Knock on wood.
Work this week is going to be a challenge but I am going to persevere. It's what I have been doing for the past year and a half. Fighting and winning the battles.
Aside from the creepy two lined entry the other day, I haven't really shared all the amazing things that have been happening/fun adventures I have been on.
First and foremost, I have become a hiker. Yes, I go hiking at least once a week now and if I don't, I feel like I am miss out completely. My group of friends like to go on the weekends and sometimes I have to miss out (which makes me really really bummed) but then there are times that we all go and there is normally a lot of laughs and fun times. I have even gone on some of the harder trails and survived! And ran into a snake and didn't scream or run crying.
Next, I passed the national pharmacy test which basically means I'm getting a raise and promotion at work. The promotion has been a long time coming because I have basically been doing everything that the job entails for months now. But whatever, I passed a test I was terrified I was not going to pass. And I couldn't be more excited or proud.
Now for the part that most people probably come here to read about. I believe I'm having another flare up which has not been a walk in the park. Let me tell you, being miserable and wanting to cry all the time? Not a fun experience let me tell you. It all began on Saturday really when it truly did suck being at a picnic and having to run away every hour and half basically. That's the first breakdown during this flare up. I have been trying to muscle my way through it as strong as I can but this whole colitis thing makes me doubt that sometimes because it truly does kick you on your ass. It's hard trying to tell someone who doesn't have it what you experience. A pain in the stomach, pain in my back, wanting to cry all the time and not wanting to stand for long periods of time. It really is the most awful thing a person can imagine.
On top of all this, I haven't really been eating. I've become scared once again that whatever I eat will cause me pain so I don't eat large meals anymore. And when I do eat, I do become uncomfortable. So on top of not feeling well because of the colitis, I am weak because I'm not eating and that is never a good thing. I just had one of the first meals in a while, plus a milkshake. Lemme tell you it was heavenly. Here's to hoping no pain comes.
So that's life. I gotta take some tests in order to see if this is a flare up or if it's just an infection or stomach bug. Such an exciting little life I lead....
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
I have not been okay since last Friday and I don't know how I'm going to survive this.
According to dad, I'm strong, but sometimes I just don't know how much strength I actually have.
More tomorrow cause I'm crawling into bed and falling asleep
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Allergies are officially one of the worst things about warmer weather coming.
Honestly, I died most of the day today at work thanks to the pollen counts. Thankfully, my face and eyes did not explode like it did last year. Woof, did I look like a bug then.
