Throwback Thursday: Simple Plan

Anyone remember Simple Plan?

I'm pretty sure this song came out when I was in high school and I loved it.  Last night it came on my Ipod and I remember how much I loved it. 


There's really no back story to this one.  Just that I really enjoy listening to a good throwback jam. And I couldn't help but dance around singing along when  I heard it last night.


Enjoy.

Blah Blah Blah

I've been in a funk all day thanks to the wonderful doctor's appointment earlier.  

I'm sick of being sick to put it lightly.  I know people who have the same thing as me and are on their own medications and if they stay on it, then they don't get flare ups.  Then there is me.  I take my medication religiously and I still get the flare ups.  Then I have to go back on the steroids which is not good for my bones until we figure out what to do next.

Welp, my doctor laid out the options for me today and as I was sitting there listening to my options, I couldn't help but hold back all my tears.  I just want to be normal again.

So basically the 6mp that I have been on since last summer isn't working.  I have to be on a lower dose then normal because it messed with my liver and so at a lower dosing, and a flare up, he has determined that we need to have another course of action to deal with this colitisis. I get to choose from two things.  Lucky me.

First option is to get an injection of methotraxate every week.  Unfortunately, working in a pharmacy I am privy to things most people would not know, which means I asked the doctor if the tablets are the equivalent to the vials because the injection has been on a back order for as long as I can remember.  He said it's not the same thing and he would want me to do the injection.  Which means this option is not an option at this time because if I can't get the drug, then I can't inject it into me to feel better.

Option 2 is an IV treatment.  I forget what the medication is called but basically I would go down to his office for a 3 to 4 hours IV treatment.  To begin, I would need to get the treatment every 2 weeks but then I would be able to go every 8 weeks.  With this treatment though, I have to go to the doctor's office, but it means that I won't have to take all my pills.

Now some people may say "Jen, it's a no brainer.  Do the IV treatment if it means getting better.  Plus not more pills."  And while that is definitely a plus, I don't want to have to take a chunk of my day to just sit around while this IV drips into me.  It makes me think I'm getting a cancer treatment.  Which from my research on both of the drugs this afternoon, they are used to treat cancer first and foremost. I shouldn't be sitting here having a pity party on the fact I have to take some medication that treats cancer when I don't have it but I'm sorry, it's been a tough day to basically be told you have to do IV treatment.  

When I get a real job, how do I explain having to take a half day or a day off every 8 weeks to sit in a room and get an IV drip.  Is the IV going to have to only go in my hand because the veins in my elbow aren't strong enough to deal with any more pokes.  Will I have to do this for the rest of my life?  Will it actually work? 

This doctor has not let me down yet, but I was hoping that this 6mp would have worked for me for the rest of my life.  I don't want to do the IV or injection.  I much rather take pills.  If you had asked me in high school if I imagined myself crying about medications to treat a stomach problem, I would have said no.  I just want to be better.....

I'm over bad news. I want to be healthy. 

And what sucks even more is I'm being pushed into one direction because of back orders on one of the medications. Blah.

I'll update more later.

Even When You're Sleeping....Keep Your Eyes Open

Compliments get me every time.  I'm not good with receiving them because I never expect them.  But I guess that's what compliments do, they sweep you off your feet to make you feel special for that moment, or night, or day.  And I may not be the only one who is bad with receiving compliments, but when I do get them, and they are from good people, it honestly makes my whole day.

These past two days, random people have made my day and I don't even know if they realize they have done this.  And I'm not talking my family and friends because they really do rock.  But acquaintances, co-workers, customers.  And I feel this warmth in my stomach and a smile on my face for most of the day.

One of our regular customers came in today and told someone who was being helped by Holly that I was the best.  And he said it yesterday too when he came in.  He's the one who always makes it a point to come over and say hi to me and ask how I am doing.  And part of me knows he really do care.

Tonight, I was on this website for work and one of my coworkers praised me.  I didn't really think people notice my smile, or how I try to stay positive.  But here she was (and she is one of the nicest girls I have ever met) basically telling the company that she doesn't know how I do it.  Really?  I mean how can that not put a huge smile on my face.

To hear people want to say hi to me when I'm on my break, or make a solid effort to do things in appreciation of something I have no trouble doing?  Jeez, it truly makes a girl feel special.  I mean a lady brought me (well the pharmacy, but she made sure I was working too) cookies today.

I've felt spoiled.  And it comes at a time when I was feeling a little down.  So to get these compliments from people who may not be total strangers, but people who don't really know me all that much, it really makes my heart swell.  It means I'm doing something right in making others feel important.  Truth be told, I love seeing other people smile, to see that twinkle eye when they know someone cares.

Compliments....they really do go a long way with making this girl feel like she's a star.

Isn't That So College Mom?

Chris is home which means one thing.  Tons of giggles.

Last night I had the pleasure of over hearing my dear brother explain to my mom a story of a friend who drew over many of his things.  Inappropriate things.  And I sat in my room, listening to this conversation CRACKING up.  He ended the story with "Isn't that so college?"

It's a breathe of fresh air to have Chris home.  He rolls his eyes at some of my stories and supports me no matter what.  I truly do love having his home.

Time Flies....

Here's a fun fact for you all.

It has been a year since I returned home from my week long "vacation" at Yale New Haven.

I knew the anniversary was coming up, but I didn't know exact dates.  I went back in this blog and saw I went home on the 21st.  Which means that yesterday was the wonderful day that I gained my freedom back.

A lot has changed since I went into the hospital that early early Monday morning.  For starters, I know exactly what I have and why my stomach had been acting up.  I'm still the stubborn girl who got pissed off she had to stay at the hospital, but I'm trying not to close up when things don't go my way (my parents may disagree how well I'm doing on this one....).  While I had all these hopes when I got out that I would be magically cured, I know now that a cure isn't possible and that I may have flair ups the rest of my life, but with rest and guidance from my doctor, I can get through it.

I learned other things.  That I'm stronger then I was when I first went into the hospital, and even when I first got out.  Also, I'm more open to what is going on with my health which was not the case before going in.  I hid how bad it really was, because I had written it away that the problem would go away without doctor's help.  Now, I tell my parents everything, even when I have random bruising on my legs (which is really annoying by the way but I'm hoping the summer will make it not as noticeable).

I can remember how weak I felt when I got out that Friday afternoon, but how extremely excited I was to be out, to have McDonalds, to go in and see people from work.  I remember being excited to go to a Bluefish game, and to the Seas after the game, making jokes with Blair about the world ending and him using that as a pick up line.  I remember how the world just felt so new because I had spent the week, hooked up to various machines, in a bed, not able to do anything on my own.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to that excitement of a brand new world and other times I realize I wouldn't want to.  I enjoy my life.  While there are tears, they have been mostly of joy as of late which a year ago they were mostly of frustration and sadness. And my world is exciting, just not in the getting out of the hospital and things are going back to normal kind of way....

Happy birthday to one of the best dogs I have ever known.  I love and miss you more then you know Madison.

Let's Set the World on Fire....

This is my wonderful brother and I.  It's from a few summers ago, when we traveled to the Jersey shore for a family trip.  And during this wonderful photo shoot, I tried to force my brother into taking a picture with me.


Tomorrow, my "little" brother graduates from University of Rhode Island.  To say that I'm proud is a complete understatement.  I have told EVERYONE at work that he's graduating this weekend and how proud I am of him.  I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing me talk about this.


I've always admired Chris because he has lived his life to the fullest.  Seriously, during high school he was Homecoming King and a three sport althete.  For the least coordinated person in the world, I was always his biggest fan.  College, he has made a nice group of friends up there in that tiny state.  And while he parties a lot, he has learned how to buckle down to get that studying done.


I have watched Christopher grow up into a wonderful young man.  He and I used to fight like cats and dogs, but now?  We stick up for each other and make sure that nobody, and I mean nobody, hurts the other.  My little brother has gotten so many compliments about how well he's raised and I couldn't agree more.  He really is a special human being.


And tomorrow, he's closing one chapter of his life, and going to make some amazing changes in this world.  I get choked up whenever I think about how he is going to embrace the real world and just rock it completely.  I already know I'm going to cry tomorrow because I am so proud of him.  And I don't tell him that often, but I really am so proud to be his big sister and see him become the young man he is today.  Tomorrow, I will be the one clapping the loudest, with the biggest smile on my face, because my little brother is going to do some amazing things in this world.  Just you watch.

Dear Tuesday

Dear Tuesday,

Let's work together and make today not suck.  I really don't wanna leave work feeling like I have been beaten down and dragged out tired, so please, let's avoid that.

Love always,
Jen

Strong Enough To Lift Both of Us

To continue on with sharing my love for music, I think you should hit play on the song on the left and listen to a combination in music that many people would not expect.  Which is one of the things I love most about music, hearing a country girl sing with a rapper.  Ah-MAZING.

Funny to think that song kind of goes along with this weekend.  When you have good people around you, they are willing to lift you up and be strong enough to help carry you when you need help.  And boy, have I felt that countless times with my friends, but also witnessed it this weekend.

My friend Pam went off to training for the Air Force (I am probably wrong about this so I apologize Pam).  She has been dating my dear dear friend Louie for a while now and he was devastated when she left.  So we all tried to take him out and keep his mind off of it as much as possible.  

On Saturday night, we surprised Louie with Pam showing up at the local pool hall when he thought she was returning home this Tuesday.  I never saw big teddy bear Louie cry before Saturday night.  It felt amazing to surprise a friend with such a good surprise.

Sometimes, I wonder about being strong enough for the people around me, and not letting them see at my weakest points.  But then I think to myself that those people I try to keep out have seen me during my low points and have stuck around.  I don't understand why they do stick around most of the time, but I guess that's what you do when you truly care about someone.  It's a give and take with who has to be strong for the both of you at specific times.

And in Other News....

For the past two Thursdays, my friends and I have gone down to the bar at the local hotel to do trivia.  Not many people attend, or even participate, but it's still a fun time and we get to test our knowledge.  Yes, we are secret geeks and I'm okay with that.

Well, yesterday there were three teams playing which does in fact include our team.  We knew one of the other teams, but the third was a random customer at the bar.  No big deal right?  Wrong.  

The jerk on the team we didn't know was a HUGE tool.  Like screaming across the bar that we were cheating and using cell phones.  Oh, I'm sorry that we just are good guessers or know what we are doing.  Or that we have people who want to TEXT us when we are at trivia.  Our bad.

The first time he did it, we just laughed it off and ignored it.  The second time, it pissed me off because he went on a little longer with his rant.  So what did I do?  I started screaming back.  Yes, I, Jennifer, started to scream across the bar that he needed to calm down the the accusations of cheating because we DID NOT get the question he was bitching about right.  

I was proud of myself that I stood up for the dignity of my friends and I.  But also, I did something I never in a thousand years imagined I would.  I yelled at some random guy across the bar for being a HUGE tool bag.  Surprisingly, the possibility of a bar fight was thrilling and I wish he would have continued with me but he didn't.  He did end up trying to push my answers away, but turns out he dropped out of the contest anyway.  And we ended up second out of second. Gooooooo us!!!

Throwback Thursday: Ocean Avenue

Today, as I was taking a nice little walk, my IPod shuffled to "Ocean Avenue".  Now for those of you who don't know this song or even this album, I guess you weren't a huge fan of music back in the early 2000's.  

This song reminds me of high school and the idea of summer.  I mean, the title of the album is Ocean Avenue, how can one not think of the beach and spending the time at the beach with your friends.

I love everything about this song, minus the music video.  I love the lyrics.  I love the whole CD. I love how it brings me back to singing this in a car with my friends (mostly Meggie) in the car.  I love how even to this day, I still will sing this song out loud whenever I hear it.  

Tonight, I was discussing the song with Shannon and Meghan before trivia.  And Shannon completely agreed that this was THE song of high school.  Now I know that there were other songs we fell in love with in high school because in high school you think everything means so much.  But the thing is, if you ever hear this song if you are in your mid 20's, you immediately think of high school.  For me, it's a wonderful memory.

I discussed this with Tom and his friend Adam back on my birthday, this whole album was a non skip album.  You could listen to every single song of this CD and not skip ahead because a song was bad.  Shannon agreed tonight.  Take the time to go back to your high school days, or wherever you were six-ish years ago.  And it will honestly make you smile.  Where you want to turn up the whole CD and just jam to it the whole afternoon.

Cause You Never Had it So Good

I realized something as I was getting ready for work today....

It's almost a year since I was rushed to the hospital and got to spend a week with the lovely staff at Yale Hospital.

Now some may be wondering why I remember that wonderful anniversary, or even care.  But it is an extremely important milestone in my life.  I was not in a good place then, and I've grown leaps and bounds.

And I have to say, with the year anniversary approaching, I could not be happier to where I am, and look forward to all the growing up I still get to do.

By the Time You Read This....

After a recent trip to the local library, I was really excited to begin this gem of a book that I had picked off the shelf.  After reading the summary on the back, I was intrigued.  A little girl getting a book on her 12th birthday from the father she lost when she was five?  Who wouldn't want to read a story about a "Manual" that a father wrote to his daughter when he realized he would not be around to watch her grow up.

Now I don't know what it's like to lose a parent and I'm not even going to begin to pretend to understand.  I do have some wonderful people in my life who unfortunately have grown up without one of their parents.  And I see how they wish they could speak with them one more time.

At the age of twelve, Lois receives a manual from the father she lost when she was five.  He has written her every birthday from 12 to 30, the year that he has lost his battle with his disease.  Lois looks forward to every birthday and often references the book for advice from the father she longs to have in her life.  I understand needing advice from a parents at every turn of their life.  And you feel the struggle that Lois goes through without having her father in her life.

I realize that whenever I write about a book I truly recommend it, but who wants to read crappy books?  And I loved this book completely.  After finishing the novel, I wanted to start my own manual for my future children.  I like the idea of a tangible item for someone to reference when times are rough from someone who really does love them.  In a world where our life is absorbed with text messages and Facebook, there is nothing more special then words written in a book, like the ultimate love letter.

I Work Out....

While I find Prednisone to be my miracle drug, it does leave a girl constantly hungry.  So I'm ready to get off of it ASAP because I do not like eating all the time.  Yes, I know.  This statement will probably come as a shock to some, but the thing is, I can never be full and it's starting to suck.  I forgot that part of the medicine from last summer.  I just gotta keep busy and ignore the temptation.

Although, Reese's or Snickers would be CLUTCH right now....

Where Are All the May Flowers?

April showers bring May flowers is what the old saying states.

But four days into the month, I think I have seen more showers then the whole month of May.  It's totally fine though because the Earth needed a good watering, but still, some sunshine soon would be a nice thing.

I keep dreaming about the sunshine and summertime.  I changed over my closet yesterday which means I saw all my summer dresses that I hope I get to wear a lot.  And I just got so excited for the possibilities of the summer.  Last night when I went out for dinner, we talked about all the fun adventures we wanted to do.  Summers always hold great memories with my friends and I and we plan on documenting and creating those memories like crazy this year. 

I can not wait for these May showers to go away to give us some beautiful summer weather.
 

Throwback Thursday: Konstantine

Music runs my life.  And I don't mean that in the way that most people talk about their love for music.  No, I mean I get lost without music playing in the background of my daily life.  I always have a song playing in my head, or have a song that can perfectly describe any moment from my life.  I look to music to better describe my feelings and trust me, as of recently, a lot of songs are PERFECT for how life is going recently.

Anyway, I was listening to mix CD's I made back in high school and the early college days before I got an Ipod.  And I found a song that I realized was probably my favorite song of all time.  Something Corporate's "Konstantine".  I don't know why it is my favorite song, because to be honest, it can be kinda depressing.  But who doesn't love just the piano and Andrew's voice.  It's magical. 

Honestly, I think part of the reason I'm in love with this song is because it's about love that can't get it right.  It's about a person who is scared of the world that she dreamed while growing up isn't all it's cracked up to be and ending up being alone instead of having that person to be with.  Mind you, this is my interpretation of the song.  Maybe I really like it because I'm afraid the dreams I had when I was younger are not my dreams now.  Don't get me wrong, I love life.  But when I was six I thought I was going to be in a completely different space in my life.

So this post is for everyone who wants to hear a beautiful song....even if it's nine minutes long.  It's for all the people who like to make wishes at 11:11.  It's for the people who still have those dreams, even if they had changed.  It's for the people who have been in love when the days lasted forever.  I hope you enjoy.

 

Dear May--

2012 has been a rough year for me and I'm willing to make a little deal with you.  I promise to stay as positive as I can, as long as you promise to give me a little good vibes and good luck my way.  I have been through everything, even breaking my resolution of not going to the hospital!  And last year, I ended up spending a week in the hospital, and while I am not planning on doing that ever again, I do want good vibes all to myself.  Everyone around me seems to be living easy; it's my turn now.  So starting today, May 1st, 2012 is going to start rocking. Fun pictures, times with friends, good things happening at work.  I'm taking the bull by the damn horns and starting to rock 2012.  Everyone better watch out, and jump on the positive life, Jen is gonna rock this train, because it's going to be a fun time.

Sincerely,
Me