There are times that I think about that day and it honestly takes my breathe away.
The pain comes in, and I can't stop every moment from that day replaying in my mind.
Every day I miss you more. Sometimes, I hear your voice cheering me on and every day I hope I make you proud.
But more then that, every single second, I wish I could have you back in my life because this pain is not something I'm ever going to get used to.
Miss you pops.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Let it Be.
One of my greatest fears is getting a flare up due to my ulcerative colitis and unfortunately, it seems like I'm in the midst of one now.
There are some diseases or conditions that people suffer every day that we don't know the type of struggle they face day in and day out. Every time I hear of someone with the same condition as me, a part of my heart breaks because I know the pain they can suffer if their medications don't work.
At the current time, mine seem to be failing me.
Unfortunately, this means that I often have to justify the pain of eating because I need to enjoy the taste of the food rather then avoid it and deal with the hunger pains. I have to deal with the looks of concern from my mom whenever I have pains in my stomach that makes me need to pause a show we are watching. And I have to be a rock of strength during the especially tough times because I don't like having this condition be a weakness.
A few weeks ago, when my face broke out like crazy, I found out that I was on some "big" medications for such a "young girl". Not going to lie, those confessions from the nurse practitioner and another doctor scared the crap out of me. These medications that wear down my immune system? Yeah, not very much fun. The medication that makes me tired all the time? I love not being able to work a normal nine to five job without being exhausted by the end of the shift.
Ulcerative colitis is something I would never wish on one of my enemies, let alone to anyone I love. I am lucky to have a great support system whenever these lows come around to try and make me smile, and forget just for one moment that I am not normal.
There are some diseases or conditions that people suffer every day that we don't know the type of struggle they face day in and day out. Every time I hear of someone with the same condition as me, a part of my heart breaks because I know the pain they can suffer if their medications don't work.
At the current time, mine seem to be failing me.
Unfortunately, this means that I often have to justify the pain of eating because I need to enjoy the taste of the food rather then avoid it and deal with the hunger pains. I have to deal with the looks of concern from my mom whenever I have pains in my stomach that makes me need to pause a show we are watching. And I have to be a rock of strength during the especially tough times because I don't like having this condition be a weakness.
A few weeks ago, when my face broke out like crazy, I found out that I was on some "big" medications for such a "young girl". Not going to lie, those confessions from the nurse practitioner and another doctor scared the crap out of me. These medications that wear down my immune system? Yeah, not very much fun. The medication that makes me tired all the time? I love not being able to work a normal nine to five job without being exhausted by the end of the shift.
Ulcerative colitis is something I would never wish on one of my enemies, let alone to anyone I love. I am lucky to have a great support system whenever these lows come around to try and make me smile, and forget just for one moment that I am not normal.
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