Madison, our dog, had surgery on Friday to remove some bumps on her chest. She has been walking around the house with a cone on her head so she can't lick her stitches. I guess they have been bleeding, so today Dad asked if I could help bring Madison to the vet because of the bleeding. She and I are now competing on the amount of medicines we are on, she wins with the different types but I think I win with the amount of pills I have to take.
Tonight I went shopping at Target and while I understand they are redoing it, I am not a fan of how I still don't know where things are and that it does not seem like they have as much available for me to browse. Plus, I saw different summery type things which made me sad because this time last year I was getting ready for a week at the beach with two of my best friends.
Speaking of my best friends, as many of you know, I am going to be in my friends wedding in July out in Washington state. I tried on the dress during my crutch period and actually have to get around ordering the actual dress. But Alanna mentioned a slight problem in all the planning I wanted begin this week. Or maybe Nick brought it up. My blood clot. With a multi-hour trip needed by plane, I didn't even think that going to the wedding would be an issue. I was told I would not have to worry about not making it to the wedding, but that was before I found out the clot got bigger. Unfortunately when I called the doctor today, I was told by his secretary that he wanted to wait until I had another ultra sound in April. But the fact of the matter is I don't have time to wait for the flight because I don't want it to be more expensive the longer I wait. Ughhhh. I told my mom, which I will discuss with my dad as well, that I will probably book the flight anyway with hopes that the universe loves me and will let me go anyway.
Contrary to all my friends who have solid nine to five jobs and stay in on Sunday nights, I went out with Greg. A manger at WW is moving far far away so last night they had a party for him. Even though I didn't know many people there, I had a good time. Many WW employees were there and the ones who know me well enough was asking why I was just drinking water. I should have made a comment about how everyone who seemed to be drinking was dropping like flies, but I just told them medicine didn't allow me. However, I did get to see my favorite NH police officer. Yes, I have a favorite police officer or I guess he is technically a detective, but I met him once outside of playwright and there he was a officer so that's what he is to me. Anyway, I really enjoy seeing him and of course he teased me because he had not seen me at Starbucks in two months and joked that I "hated him now". Overall it was a fun night though and I'm glad I went....Greg has introduced me to many
amazing people and I'm lucky to have him as a cousin who is willing to do anything for anyone. Plus, if I didn't go I would not have been able to see the kid who was wasted come back to the land of living to rap Tupac's California Love. I DIED laughing, he didn't miss any of the words
In other news, I have been able to eat and not be in pain for a week now, and not just eating foods that may be safe, but foods that I have missed during this whole experience. Exhibit A: Chilli dip. Today Dad and I went to Stop and Shop and I got the ingredients for the chilli dip, and I made it for lunch. I ate part of it, and I can honestly say I'm not in any pain. I have wanted this dip since before Christmas. Lunch today was like a very delayed Christmas present. I now have something to eat for days to come and that makes me so freaking excited.
Off to watch my shows that I love while I type out stories that I have written down on many Starbucks napkins. If only I could actually make an interesting book or real story out of them instead of just beginnings. XOXO
Monday, February 28, 2011
Two Months
Yesterday marked the two month anniversary of the trip to the hospital. I still can't decide if it's strange that I mark how long it has been since I had been to the hospital. But a lot has changed in two months and I can't believe the journey I have already embarked on. And unfortunately, I'm not the only one who has had a difficult two month journey. I don't think the year 2011 has been very nice so far to the people I love, but that's neither here nor there or up for discussion during this post.
Two months.
I feel like I have been dealing with this for a year. Two months in normal terms is fast, the way life had been going for me before this it was just a blink of an eye. But two months now means an eternity of unknown and the most difficult time period I can remember. Before this happened, I remember thinking finals time was difficult, crying because I just did not think I was going to do well on a test. If I had a chance I wish I could go back to those difficult times because from where I am standing now, it's a cake walk.
Two months ago I could not even walk to use the bathroom. I had already had a week of my stomach being an issue but the walking bit? That truly sucked. The pain was awful, my leg was huge, and as gross as it may sound, I was not showering every day because the effort just too much for laying in bed day in and day out. Two months ago I spent hours at the hospital with my parents trying to figure out what was wrong with my leg, learning it was a blood clot and started to take medicine that no ordinary 24 year old takes. I had shots in my stomach which thankfully stopped a few weeks after that fateful day. Two months ago I could not do anything by myself from showering, to getting dinner, to getting my medicine. I could not carry anything because I was on crutches and learned to stuff whatever I needed in my coat pockets.
I lived in sweat pants and had my leg elevated 24/7. I couldn't go to work, barely spoke to my friends, and cried all the time.
It's difficult for me to remember exactly what I was going through at that time. There is a strong sense of pain and emotions that I remember, but I can't remember the pain that my leg was in even if someone touched it or how I had to stop walking across the parking lot outside of my doctor's office because the pain was too much and I needed a breather.
To say that I look like I'm back to normal today is a complete understatement, but the sad truth is, I am completely changed because of that fateful day two months ago. I am back to work which is great but I drink more water than I have ever in my life. Water has become my go to drink which is SO boring but it's what will hopefully make my blood clot disappear. I can go out at night with my friends, but I am always nervous about the size of my calf or if my stomach will start acting up. I can eat food and not have it hurt, but once again I still get nervous about my eating experience. And most importantly I can walk, which two months ago I had trouble imagining would happen again.
Yes, I am a drama queen at times, but this whole experience taught me what real pain is. I was talking to my boss and Mar on Friday saying I kind of understand what they say when you give birth. I always heard it's the most painful thing in the world but you begin to forget the pain which allows woman to have another kid. It's been two months and I have forgotten all the pain and embarassment I had to endure during these past two months. It hasn't even been that long with my stomach and I already have forgotten the pain that put me in.
The fact of the matter is that yesterday marked two months of the journey that I began with the diagnosis of my blood clot. I had all sorts of plans that I never thought I would have to double check with my doctors if I could actually go through with them. I seem to be back to normal, whatever normal is now, but I still don't know what caused the blood clot, or what is going on with my insides. I don't know how much longer I will have to be on my medicines, or if I'm going to have to deal with this my whole life. But I'm better, or at least that's what I keep telling myself.
2011 has not been a very nice year to me yet, but I'm figuring the pay off I will get eventually will have to be huge. I mean if anyone deserves something good to happen to them, it's me and the people I hold dear to my heart, right?
That's all for now. While this may make sense to nobody else, I thought it was necessary. I plan on posting something again later tonight for you loves
Two months.
I feel like I have been dealing with this for a year. Two months in normal terms is fast, the way life had been going for me before this it was just a blink of an eye. But two months now means an eternity of unknown and the most difficult time period I can remember. Before this happened, I remember thinking finals time was difficult, crying because I just did not think I was going to do well on a test. If I had a chance I wish I could go back to those difficult times because from where I am standing now, it's a cake walk.
Two months ago I could not even walk to use the bathroom. I had already had a week of my stomach being an issue but the walking bit? That truly sucked. The pain was awful, my leg was huge, and as gross as it may sound, I was not showering every day because the effort just too much for laying in bed day in and day out. Two months ago I spent hours at the hospital with my parents trying to figure out what was wrong with my leg, learning it was a blood clot and started to take medicine that no ordinary 24 year old takes. I had shots in my stomach which thankfully stopped a few weeks after that fateful day. Two months ago I could not do anything by myself from showering, to getting dinner, to getting my medicine. I could not carry anything because I was on crutches and learned to stuff whatever I needed in my coat pockets.
I lived in sweat pants and had my leg elevated 24/7. I couldn't go to work, barely spoke to my friends, and cried all the time.
It's difficult for me to remember exactly what I was going through at that time. There is a strong sense of pain and emotions that I remember, but I can't remember the pain that my leg was in even if someone touched it or how I had to stop walking across the parking lot outside of my doctor's office because the pain was too much and I needed a breather.
To say that I look like I'm back to normal today is a complete understatement, but the sad truth is, I am completely changed because of that fateful day two months ago. I am back to work which is great but I drink more water than I have ever in my life. Water has become my go to drink which is SO boring but it's what will hopefully make my blood clot disappear. I can go out at night with my friends, but I am always nervous about the size of my calf or if my stomach will start acting up. I can eat food and not have it hurt, but once again I still get nervous about my eating experience. And most importantly I can walk, which two months ago I had trouble imagining would happen again.
Yes, I am a drama queen at times, but this whole experience taught me what real pain is. I was talking to my boss and Mar on Friday saying I kind of understand what they say when you give birth. I always heard it's the most painful thing in the world but you begin to forget the pain which allows woman to have another kid. It's been two months and I have forgotten all the pain and embarassment I had to endure during these past two months. It hasn't even been that long with my stomach and I already have forgotten the pain that put me in.
The fact of the matter is that yesterday marked two months of the journey that I began with the diagnosis of my blood clot. I had all sorts of plans that I never thought I would have to double check with my doctors if I could actually go through with them. I seem to be back to normal, whatever normal is now, but I still don't know what caused the blood clot, or what is going on with my insides. I don't know how much longer I will have to be on my medicines, or if I'm going to have to deal with this my whole life. But I'm better, or at least that's what I keep telling myself.
2011 has not been a very nice year to me yet, but I'm figuring the pay off I will get eventually will have to be huge. I mean if anyone deserves something good to happen to them, it's me and the people I hold dear to my heart, right?
That's all for now. While this may make sense to nobody else, I thought it was necessary. I plan on posting something again later tonight for you loves
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Happy Birthday Little Brother
Today is the day I have been waiting for since I became old enough to go out to bars. Chris turns 21 and I can not celebrate with him. So it's a win lose situation but I just hope he has a fun and safe birthday celebration. I also wish I could go to Rhode Island tomorrow but work prevents that from happening unfortunately.
Madison had surgery yesterday to get some bumps on her chest removed. Coming home from work last night was heartbreaking because she was just laying there and for those who have ever met Madison, this is highly unusual. She followed me with her eyes when I was petting her and wagged her tail very little. But hopefully she will start to feel better soon because I do not like when Madison is sad. Plus, all the other pets know something is wrong; Mandy was a nervous wreck all day yesterday and when I came home last night she looked so sad and barely moved as well when I walked into the room. Animals have a weirddddd sixth sense on knowing when something is wrong.
As any typical day after blood work, my primary doctor called to tell us my INR levels which still suck. This means I have to up my medicine to 2.5 pills several times a week. When I got on the phone to ask about a stomach issue and cold medicine, with the response not so informative, she told me she wanted to see me in the next week or so because she hadn't seen me in a while. Well of course you haven't because I'm pretty sure the first time I saw you was that Thursday following going to the hospital when this all started. Which means two months ago. Way to stay on top of it doctor.
Also, the mean woman from that first blood work must only work on Thursdays because she was there again instead of Helen. However, this time she was friendly enough even saying she remembered my first name and the first letter of my last name and my place in the standing order file that they have. I was impressed. Slowly my first impressions unravel about people, even though her personality still lacks, I break people down to love me eventually.
The next forty eight hours are going to be busy busy. I work till four today then I have to get ready, go out to dinner with my Tommy, go out for Sara's birthday, sleep, work at 7 till four tomorrow then get ready and go to Terminal 110 for a goodbye party for one of my favorite managers at WW with Greg. I'm going to need those two days off to just recover from these next forty eight hours. Catch me if you can :)
Madison had surgery yesterday to get some bumps on her chest removed. Coming home from work last night was heartbreaking because she was just laying there and for those who have ever met Madison, this is highly unusual. She followed me with her eyes when I was petting her and wagged her tail very little. But hopefully she will start to feel better soon because I do not like when Madison is sad. Plus, all the other pets know something is wrong; Mandy was a nervous wreck all day yesterday and when I came home last night she looked so sad and barely moved as well when I walked into the room. Animals have a weirddddd sixth sense on knowing when something is wrong.
As any typical day after blood work, my primary doctor called to tell us my INR levels which still suck. This means I have to up my medicine to 2.5 pills several times a week. When I got on the phone to ask about a stomach issue and cold medicine, with the response not so informative, she told me she wanted to see me in the next week or so because she hadn't seen me in a while. Well of course you haven't because I'm pretty sure the first time I saw you was that Thursday following going to the hospital when this all started. Which means two months ago. Way to stay on top of it doctor.
Also, the mean woman from that first blood work must only work on Thursdays because she was there again instead of Helen. However, this time she was friendly enough even saying she remembered my first name and the first letter of my last name and my place in the standing order file that they have. I was impressed. Slowly my first impressions unravel about people, even though her personality still lacks, I break people down to love me eventually.
The next forty eight hours are going to be busy busy. I work till four today then I have to get ready, go out to dinner with my Tommy, go out for Sara's birthday, sleep, work at 7 till four tomorrow then get ready and go to Terminal 110 for a goodbye party for one of my favorite managers at WW with Greg. I'm going to need those two days off to just recover from these next forty eight hours. Catch me if you can :)
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Mashup of Life if You Will
Here are a bunch of pictures I have taken from my phone that I feel are worthy to share with whoever reads this. Some are belated....some are taken to as recently as today. The pictures? Priceless
King Dublin---sometimes I swear this cat is possessed. You know those movies where a person turns around and the little child or animal is just sitting there staring at the person without having made a sound to get into the room? Sometimes, Dublin does this to me. And by sometimes, I mean it happens moer then I like to admit.
Beautiful birthday cake done by Maryellen that was waiting for me my first official day back. The top part was chocolate and the bottom was funfetti. NUMNUMS
It was a work of art that was difficult to actually eat.
Flowers from my Valentines also known as my parents. They are absolutely stunning and I didn't even realize I had them at first. Just goes to show you how clueless I can be sometimes.
Even though this picture is sideways, there is still a funny story behind this little gem. Note Dublin sitting on the seat of the stationary bike. Yesterday I rode that bike for twenty minutes during which Dublin stared at me with the most intense curiosity I have ever witnessed. He would come close to the bike, try to climb up it and even chased my shoelace around. Today before blood work I saw Dublin sitting on the bike, waiting to start his exercise routine.
There you have it folks, pictures from my cell phone that have a good story from my life. And even though they are doing awful, I'm off to give my full attention to the Huskies, hoping they will turn this game around soon. And for those who do read this, and may want to comment, I have allowed option to happen. I don't know why it was not letting my friends share their mind, but now it will.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sometimes Real Life is Just too Much
Sometimes, life brings you little treasures. This particular morning was I got one of these little gems.
A customer was buying iron supplements and we got to talk about how expensive it was. Because unfortunately things that are good for you cost an arm and a leg. Anyway, she said, "Never grow old and try not to become anemic."
I chuckled to myself saying "Sadly, I already am."
She looked a bit surprised, then asked if I was taking anything to supplement my iron defeciency. I had to inform her that no I had not been taking anything due to medications I was on but that hopefully soon this will all get sorted out.
Mind you this exchange occurred the first thing this morning. The lady was very pleasant and I could not believe that once again I was able to connect with an elderly customer about all my health issues. Only me.
P.S. I am officially that person. An adult maybe? But I had to get a pill organizer today for all my medicine. 24 years old and I have a pill organizer. Ohhhh thank you life treasures. :)
A customer was buying iron supplements and we got to talk about how expensive it was. Because unfortunately things that are good for you cost an arm and a leg. Anyway, she said, "Never grow old and try not to become anemic."
I chuckled to myself saying "Sadly, I already am."
She looked a bit surprised, then asked if I was taking anything to supplement my iron defeciency. I had to inform her that no I had not been taking anything due to medications I was on but that hopefully soon this will all get sorted out.
Mind you this exchange occurred the first thing this morning. The lady was very pleasant and I could not believe that once again I was able to connect with an elderly customer about all my health issues. Only me.
P.S. I am officially that person. An adult maybe? But I had to get a pill organizer today for all my medicine. 24 years old and I have a pill organizer. Ohhhh thank you life treasures. :)
Here Comes the Sun Do-do-do-dooo
My Papa was a very strong man who I watched become very sick and inevitably pass away. He loved fishing in particular this spot and when he passed away the family decided we would have a little memorial service for him in the very spot that he spent most of his time just relaxing and fishing. My Papa was a pretty bad ass dude, and he really loved spending that time by the beach. Now, when we did this little memorial, their were tons of little fishies that were swimming by which to me was a sign from my Papa telling us he was okay even after all the pain he endured at the end. Fishes would not be a good tattoo for me; I don't find them that cute. Luckily at the same time the school of fish went by, a butterfly flew by us. Butterflies aren't weird for spring/summer time. One that comes half way down a pier with water on both sides? I have never seen it before in my life.
This particular moment is not when I had the epiphany of getting the tattoo. But it's the one moment I turn back to when I describe why I'm getting a butterfly tattoo.
This above picture is from my cell phone's camera. I can't remember if this is the particular picture that my dad sent me because he knows how much butterflies mean to my mother and I or if I took it one day last summer when I was out front. But it's an actual cell phone picture. This is the particular picture I plan on showing the people when I go for my tattoo. Only difference is I plan on making it blue, for the ocean which always reminds me of my Nana. Nice right?
Well, I had been planning on getting this tattoo forever, and wanted to accomplish this bucket list item with my best friend when I went up to Boston to visit her. Since work makes things near difficult, I decided I would go with Meggie and we even got them priced. Sad part is I am huge chicken and refused to make an appointment for myself. Shannon was going to make the appointment for me, I had made plans to get the tattoo for either my birthday or the beginning of March. But then the whole blood clot thing happened, and I was put on blood thinners. Which put a huge hamper in my plans. I can't get the tattoo until I am healthy in regards to my blood clots. But it will happen. I guess with all this time I can now make final arrangements on where this thing is going because I have been toying around with that as well.
Butterflies are one of my favorite things. Not for the conventional reasons, but one that has been very dear to my heart, and a story that I have not really told many people. Of course now it's on this blog for whoever wants to know a little more about me to read about. I'm starting to open up about other things I've decided and not just my health issues because those get depressing. And while this may be a little sad, it's a good story, one that honestly brings me true joy whenever I see a butterfly.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Special Memories with Nana
Today Dad and I brought Nana to her doctor's appointment. I was under the assumption that Nana was getting a follow up for her back because she pulled her back a week and a half ago. By this point in time in my life, I should realize that I should never make assumptions because normally they are wrong.
Nana was going to get her blood taken to determine her INR level. To all the ordinary people, INR is a string of letters that mean nothing to them. I was one of those people almost two months ago. But now I have something in common with Nana because I worry about my INR results every week. INR is the level of your blood when you are on blood thinners. Nana goes to a doctor to get her blood drawn from her finger, and gets the results instantly. I believe we have the same goal number, only problem is Nana's number is higher while mine has been lower then what the doctor's goal.
I was amazed by how fast Nana's appointment went, but when I found out she was doing the same thing I have been for the past two months it made sense to me. I never in my life thought I would be able to bond over INR levels with my Nana and understand what she means when she is talking about the different blood thinning medicine she has. I understand that we are using them for two different things but it's not something a granddaughter would imagine discussing with her grandmother. Nana has always been the grandmother I have bonded over my love for the beach and swimming and salads and countless other things with but now we can add INR levels as well.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Working a five hour night shift sucks big time. I don't get a half which means if I want dinner then it's very much rushed. Last time I did a five hour it went by fast but it still stresses me out that I really don't have a proper dinner. BOOOO.
Also, I'm getting sick also known as the dreaded cold that comes for me every winter. I thought this particular one I would be exempt but that is simply not my luck. When I informed Tommy, he said I should be brought out in the back like a horse because I can not catch a break. My face was priceless, Tenzin must have thought I was nuts when she saw it but I could not be appalled and find humor in that all at the same time.
Off to get ready for a wonderful five hour shift which is much much better then being confined to a bed.
Also, I'm getting sick also known as the dreaded cold that comes for me every winter. I thought this particular one I would be exempt but that is simply not my luck. When I informed Tommy, he said I should be brought out in the back like a horse because I can not catch a break. My face was priceless, Tenzin must have thought I was nuts when she saw it but I could not be appalled and find humor in that all at the same time.
Off to get ready for a wonderful five hour shift which is much much better then being confined to a bed.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
All I want is one certain thing to eat, and it's the last thing I can eat. Or the one thing my parents do not believe I should have. Namely my father.
I have always been the weird creature to crave salads. Ask Shannon. After a few drinks at night, when we would go to the diner or on the way home, I would announce that I could not wait to have a salad. Crazy I know but that is my number one love. And now it can make my stomach hurt which means we have to proceed with caution, basically meaning that I should not have a lot of it.
Which means at this particular time, I am extremely upset that I am unsatisfied with my early dinner.
I have noticed that my stomach is a little better but there are some flair ups. I don't know if it's due to nervousness when the boss is in or if it's just nervousness about the whole thing in general but overall I have noticed that I don't have so many stomach pains throughout the day. Yayyyy for that!
Tomorrow I plan on starting to work out, even if that means simple crunches when I wake up. I also have decided I want to make sure I'm not eating all crap food which means that I can not slip back into the small bag of chips a day habit that I had fallen into before the holidays.
Can't believe that all of my posts seem to be about food. I'm addicted and it's not necessarily a good addiction. Let me blame it this time on the medicine.
Tonight is a night to watch sappy love stories. Why I torture myself by doing this is beyond me but I think I'm a hopeless romantic and wish that a movie like story is in my future.
I have always been the weird creature to crave salads. Ask Shannon. After a few drinks at night, when we would go to the diner or on the way home, I would announce that I could not wait to have a salad. Crazy I know but that is my number one love. And now it can make my stomach hurt which means we have to proceed with caution, basically meaning that I should not have a lot of it.
Which means at this particular time, I am extremely upset that I am unsatisfied with my early dinner.
I have noticed that my stomach is a little better but there are some flair ups. I don't know if it's due to nervousness when the boss is in or if it's just nervousness about the whole thing in general but overall I have noticed that I don't have so many stomach pains throughout the day. Yayyyy for that!
Tomorrow I plan on starting to work out, even if that means simple crunches when I wake up. I also have decided I want to make sure I'm not eating all crap food which means that I can not slip back into the small bag of chips a day habit that I had fallen into before the holidays.
Can't believe that all of my posts seem to be about food. I'm addicted and it's not necessarily a good addiction. Let me blame it this time on the medicine.
Tonight is a night to watch sappy love stories. Why I torture myself by doing this is beyond me but I think I'm a hopeless romantic and wish that a movie like story is in my future.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Chicken or the Egg
Thursday's doctor appointment was more of a check in, without much new information given to us. This particular appointment was for my insides and once again he spoke at an elevated language but having my parents there this time made me more comfortable. He explained to me about what the steroids should be doing and how he does not want me on them for that long. If necessary he will increase the dosage, but when I am starting to get off the medicine, I need to gradually ween myself off of it. I find this to be interesting but so far, so good with the insides. It still gives me trouble, but it's not as frequent which leads me to believe that the medicine is actually working.
The other stomach medicine I may be increasing after the steroids, especially because it has taken away the pain in my stomach.
This is my second post with a very cliche title as the topic but today I use it because my dad asked this of the doctor after one of the statements he said about my blood clot and my insides. He said that the inside part could be genetic (gross) but at the same time there may be a connection for the blood clot and the problems with my stomach. Only problem is they are unable to test what caused the blood clot because I can not be on my blood thinners to have a conclusive result. The doctor said however that there is a possiblity the clot was formed because of my stomach issues which led to my father saying it's a chicken and a egg situation, which problem was done first.
Thursday night I made the decision to try to not care what people think of me when they see me go to the restroom multiple times when I am out. I concern myself with what others think of me sometimes, and while I think most people do this, I have become even more self conscious since this whole problem began. There have been several times that I have had to go to a bathroom many different times and have concerned myself with what people who don't know what's going on must think. Being skinny and constantly getting up, I start to worry that people may believe I have a eating disorder. But on Thursday I come to the realization that I can not worry about this at all. My weight loss may be from eating because I have been having such issues with my insides, but I think there is also a loss because of the muscle mass I may have lost from laying in bed without any activity for a month. I have embraced who I am now, that this is the size I may have to be for a while which is fine with me as long as I get some new pants. And while the steroids make me want to eat ALL THE TIME, I plan on starting to eat healthier so I don't just gain weight on crap food. And I'm starting to go on the bike so I can start to tone my legs once again.
But that starts on Monday because I have already eaten way too much crap this weekend and am craving some more at the current moment. If this is what pregnant women deal with all the time, I do not know how a person can go through nine months of this.
Now off to spend quality family time with the parentals watching the NBA All Star activities. And hoping that John Wall does not win this skills challenge.
The other stomach medicine I may be increasing after the steroids, especially because it has taken away the pain in my stomach.
This is my second post with a very cliche title as the topic but today I use it because my dad asked this of the doctor after one of the statements he said about my blood clot and my insides. He said that the inside part could be genetic (gross) but at the same time there may be a connection for the blood clot and the problems with my stomach. Only problem is they are unable to test what caused the blood clot because I can not be on my blood thinners to have a conclusive result. The doctor said however that there is a possiblity the clot was formed because of my stomach issues which led to my father saying it's a chicken and a egg situation, which problem was done first.
Thursday night I made the decision to try to not care what people think of me when they see me go to the restroom multiple times when I am out. I concern myself with what others think of me sometimes, and while I think most people do this, I have become even more self conscious since this whole problem began. There have been several times that I have had to go to a bathroom many different times and have concerned myself with what people who don't know what's going on must think. Being skinny and constantly getting up, I start to worry that people may believe I have a eating disorder. But on Thursday I come to the realization that I can not worry about this at all. My weight loss may be from eating because I have been having such issues with my insides, but I think there is also a loss because of the muscle mass I may have lost from laying in bed without any activity for a month. I have embraced who I am now, that this is the size I may have to be for a while which is fine with me as long as I get some new pants. And while the steroids make me want to eat ALL THE TIME, I plan on starting to eat healthier so I don't just gain weight on crap food. And I'm starting to go on the bike so I can start to tone my legs once again.
But that starts on Monday because I have already eaten way too much crap this weekend and am craving some more at the current moment. If this is what pregnant women deal with all the time, I do not know how a person can go through nine months of this.
Now off to spend quality family time with the parentals watching the NBA All Star activities. And hoping that John Wall does not win this skills challenge.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Debate of the Century
Quality versus quantity. It's a heated debate that many have been engaging in for years. Maybe centuries but I'm not too familiar with that history and I believe that it's become a vital issue in the past few years with the development in technology. Anyway, quality versus quantity. Consumer goods, education, medical services. Now a days, it seems that we can get a lot of something, let it be a shirt, an educational experience or a diagnosis but it's not going to be the quality service my grandparents would have received. Our generation is all about go. If you are too slow, you are often discarded to the side. There is little patience for the quality of the job.
I understand that times are different which means that we need to change how we have done things. There are more people in our world that all have basic human needs. But there area few things that the naive aspect of me expects.
Number one is common courtesy and proper quality when I seek medical treatment. I'm not part of a conveyor belt. Tell me what's wrong with me and actually seeing me instead of countless five second phone calls to inform me what the blood work says.
It's crazy. The doctor I have not cared for is the doctor who seems to provide quality work when trying to find out what is wrong with me. The reason I'm not a fan of his is because his work and words goes completely over my head. He has not been able to dumb it down enough that I understand exactly what he says. However, he is the only doctor who seems proactive to treat me and be a vitally important in this treatment. I have a second appointment with him tomorrow. He calls. He does follow up calls. And he gives me options on what I can do for my treatment. According to dad, he has even explained what each course of treatment will do. Not understanding him completely put to the side, this type of treatment is not normal.
I do not mean to upset people with this post but you must understand I have dealt with many doctors, nurses, techs, and specialists these past two months. I had a doctor who made me feel awesome as a person but has failed to tell me why my blood clots have grown, not shrunk even though I did exactly what I was told for a month. I do not consider myself an expert, but I have my opinions, which I suppose are ever changing, especially when you read this on a regular basis.
I understand that times are different which means that we need to change how we have done things. There are more people in our world that all have basic human needs. But there area few things that the naive aspect of me expects.
Number one is common courtesy and proper quality when I seek medical treatment. I'm not part of a conveyor belt. Tell me what's wrong with me and actually seeing me instead of countless five second phone calls to inform me what the blood work says.
It's crazy. The doctor I have not cared for is the doctor who seems to provide quality work when trying to find out what is wrong with me. The reason I'm not a fan of his is because his work and words goes completely over my head. He has not been able to dumb it down enough that I understand exactly what he says. However, he is the only doctor who seems proactive to treat me and be a vitally important in this treatment. I have a second appointment with him tomorrow. He calls. He does follow up calls. And he gives me options on what I can do for my treatment. According to dad, he has even explained what each course of treatment will do. Not understanding him completely put to the side, this type of treatment is not normal.
I do not mean to upset people with this post but you must understand I have dealt with many doctors, nurses, techs, and specialists these past two months. I had a doctor who made me feel awesome as a person but has failed to tell me why my blood clots have grown, not shrunk even though I did exactly what I was told for a month. I do not consider myself an expert, but I have my opinions, which I suppose are ever changing, especially when you read this on a regular basis.
Been Up Since 4:30
After many requests to what is going on in my life, I have decided to be productive this morning by making a wonderful little post for those people that still check this thing on a regular basis. I promise I will post again later this afternoon because I have a few ideas of posts, especially things I need to vent about, but for now it's just something to do because I have been up since 4:30 and I can not fall asleep for a few more hours before work. I already win for the most epic day of the week.
Last week I went in for a CT scan and I'm not sure if I had posted anything about that. I think I did a blog right after, but nothing about the results. My doctor told us the change from the first to the second really did not happen, the swelling was still the same. I was under the impression that this scan was going to tell us a little more but it didn't. However, it did allow the doctor to give us some options on treatment. The first option was to continue just the pills that has taken away the pain in my stomach, which would not treat it exactly but would keep the pain away. After a month if nothing changed, then I would have been prescribed steroids which the doctor felt would actually treat and hopefully reduce the swelling and make everything better. He also gave us the option to take the steroids now, which is what we chose because we want this to be treated as soon as possible. I mean a month and a half is a long time to have to deal with this. It's going to be almost two months of the whole stomach thing in about less then 10 days. Crazy to believe huh?
I have been on steroids since Monday. In addition to the steroids, I take the stomach pain medicine and my blood thinners for my blood clot. Basically I am taking a ton of medication in hopes that everything gets better.
Unfortunately I can not say that my spirits are always so high. I seem to always break down on Sunday nights, crying to my dad about either embarrassments from the weekend, no change in my health or just being overtired or whatever, but I have been crying every Sunday for the past few weeks now. It's not to say that I have not been enjoying my life, because I had a very enjoyable night out with Meggie and Amy on Saturday to celebrate my dear dear Amy. But I'm just over not feeling one hundred percent and I seem to get that fed up point on Sunday nights.
I have been working a lot which I love because it keeps me from worrying about my insides, and seemingly doing better throughout the day. However, it is not doing well for my leg at all. I have been working later shifts, which means the swelling in my leg which was anticipated is happening. But because I'm working later shifts, I don't have as much time at night to elevate the leg and in the morning I can't elevate it because I have to get ready for work. Thank goodness that tomorrow I only have to work five hours after a busy day of blood work and a doctor appointment. Then I have two days off to make sure that my leg is able to recover a bit, or at least I hope to not do a whole lot with it but rest it.
It's seven o'clock and I'm sitting listening to the radio, after seeing a lovely coyote in the backyard. If the coyote messes with my dogs though, it's going down. I already warned it through the window.
I'm expecting to crash by two. I'm also hoping to get out a little early. One could wish for some luck change soon.
Last week I went in for a CT scan and I'm not sure if I had posted anything about that. I think I did a blog right after, but nothing about the results. My doctor told us the change from the first to the second really did not happen, the swelling was still the same. I was under the impression that this scan was going to tell us a little more but it didn't. However, it did allow the doctor to give us some options on treatment. The first option was to continue just the pills that has taken away the pain in my stomach, which would not treat it exactly but would keep the pain away. After a month if nothing changed, then I would have been prescribed steroids which the doctor felt would actually treat and hopefully reduce the swelling and make everything better. He also gave us the option to take the steroids now, which is what we chose because we want this to be treated as soon as possible. I mean a month and a half is a long time to have to deal with this. It's going to be almost two months of the whole stomach thing in about less then 10 days. Crazy to believe huh?
I have been on steroids since Monday. In addition to the steroids, I take the stomach pain medicine and my blood thinners for my blood clot. Basically I am taking a ton of medication in hopes that everything gets better.
Unfortunately I can not say that my spirits are always so high. I seem to always break down on Sunday nights, crying to my dad about either embarrassments from the weekend, no change in my health or just being overtired or whatever, but I have been crying every Sunday for the past few weeks now. It's not to say that I have not been enjoying my life, because I had a very enjoyable night out with Meggie and Amy on Saturday to celebrate my dear dear Amy. But I'm just over not feeling one hundred percent and I seem to get that fed up point on Sunday nights.
I have been working a lot which I love because it keeps me from worrying about my insides, and seemingly doing better throughout the day. However, it is not doing well for my leg at all. I have been working later shifts, which means the swelling in my leg which was anticipated is happening. But because I'm working later shifts, I don't have as much time at night to elevate the leg and in the morning I can't elevate it because I have to get ready for work. Thank goodness that tomorrow I only have to work five hours after a busy day of blood work and a doctor appointment. Then I have two days off to make sure that my leg is able to recover a bit, or at least I hope to not do a whole lot with it but rest it.
It's seven o'clock and I'm sitting listening to the radio, after seeing a lovely coyote in the backyard. If the coyote messes with my dogs though, it's going down. I already warned it through the window.
I'm expecting to crash by two. I'm also hoping to get out a little early. One could wish for some luck change soon.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Funfetti....Trying to Make the Day a Little Better
This weekend I realized that when I don't take the medicine for my insides at regular intervals, then I'm in pain. Case in point, Saturday night when I was out, I was in pain when we left because I had waited like six hours before I took my other pill. Smooth Jen but like I told my dad, it's trail and error with this medicine and figuring out the proper time to take them so I never have to be in pain. I can't help but concern myself with the fact that there is aspirin in the pill which I'm not supposed to take with the blood clot. The blood work on Thursday will hopefully inform me if I have any reason to worry.
Dad told me that I need to stop worrying because he thinks that it causes my insides to flair up. I'm sure that is part of the case, but I just want medicine to fix it all. This morning I woke up at six to extremely itchy hands. Yes, this seems like a weird thing, and yes, it's probably nothing. But it seemed to last forever and it was so annoying that I told my dad who gave me some anti-itch lotion. Unfortunately, this did nothing for my hands which continued to itch. Luckily I was able to fall back asleep and woke up to get ready for my CT Scan! Aren't I a lucky girl?
The CT scan was a whole lot of waiting around drinking even more disgusting drink then the last time. They told me I had to finish three types of tubes but I was unable to, only 2 and a half. It was a struggle to drink because it tasted so disgusting. Plus my insides started to hurt, a lot, right before I was summoned for my scan. In the waiting room, of course I cried because of the pain in my side. The lack of medicine throughout the day because of my fast before of the test put me in more pain then I was comfortable with. And now, for the rest of the day I have been uncomfortable and on and off with the pain. Wonderful, the scan is supposed to tell me what's wrong with me and yet it put me in an uncomfortable position for the rest of the day, unable to enjoy any of the food I have eaten.
The actual scan wasn't too bad. The IV with the warm sensations sucked and the tape they put over the gauze hurts to take off. But that's a pretty standard issue that most people have to deal with. The part about taking bandaids off hurting, not the warm sensation from the IV because I do not want anyone reading this to have to deal with that. The lady told me that the scan should be ready for the doctor to deal with tomorrow so I'm crossing my fingers that when I come home from work tomorrow we have a different plan of action on how to fix me.
So here I am sitting in my room eating my funfetti cake trying to look on the bright side of everything. Funfetti pretty much makes that possible though. I'm also crossing my fingers that tonight I'm not up every hour, or that I wake up with my hands itching like crazy. I hope that my leg doesn't swell up on me after being at work for hours and hours tomorrow and that I don't push myself too much, or have my boss hate all the breaks I may have to take if my stomach stays like this. (Thanks so much for that contrast because I've come to terms that it's your fault.) Mom is taking my wheelchair back to work so we have some sort of progress I suppose but I will miss that wheelchair, even if I have barely used it the past few weeks.
Small steps towards recovery, I suppose? Next up, my insides. :)
Dad told me that I need to stop worrying because he thinks that it causes my insides to flair up. I'm sure that is part of the case, but I just want medicine to fix it all. This morning I woke up at six to extremely itchy hands. Yes, this seems like a weird thing, and yes, it's probably nothing. But it seemed to last forever and it was so annoying that I told my dad who gave me some anti-itch lotion. Unfortunately, this did nothing for my hands which continued to itch. Luckily I was able to fall back asleep and woke up to get ready for my CT Scan! Aren't I a lucky girl?
The CT scan was a whole lot of waiting around drinking even more disgusting drink then the last time. They told me I had to finish three types of tubes but I was unable to, only 2 and a half. It was a struggle to drink because it tasted so disgusting. Plus my insides started to hurt, a lot, right before I was summoned for my scan. In the waiting room, of course I cried because of the pain in my side. The lack of medicine throughout the day because of my fast before of the test put me in more pain then I was comfortable with. And now, for the rest of the day I have been uncomfortable and on and off with the pain. Wonderful, the scan is supposed to tell me what's wrong with me and yet it put me in an uncomfortable position for the rest of the day, unable to enjoy any of the food I have eaten.
The actual scan wasn't too bad. The IV with the warm sensations sucked and the tape they put over the gauze hurts to take off. But that's a pretty standard issue that most people have to deal with. The part about taking bandaids off hurting, not the warm sensation from the IV because I do not want anyone reading this to have to deal with that. The lady told me that the scan should be ready for the doctor to deal with tomorrow so I'm crossing my fingers that when I come home from work tomorrow we have a different plan of action on how to fix me.
So here I am sitting in my room eating my funfetti cake trying to look on the bright side of everything. Funfetti pretty much makes that possible though. I'm also crossing my fingers that tonight I'm not up every hour, or that I wake up with my hands itching like crazy. I hope that my leg doesn't swell up on me after being at work for hours and hours tomorrow and that I don't push myself too much, or have my boss hate all the breaks I may have to take if my stomach stays like this. (Thanks so much for that contrast because I've come to terms that it's your fault.) Mom is taking my wheelchair back to work so we have some sort of progress I suppose but I will miss that wheelchair, even if I have barely used it the past few weeks.
Small steps towards recovery, I suppose? Next up, my insides. :)
Saturday, February 5, 2011
I feel better when I write; I always have. My emotions are never sorted out until I put it down into words which for many doesn't make sense but for me it's a true reality.
An appearance by the mean blood work lady from the first time occurred when I went in on Thursday. The whole drawing though took five seconds so I guess I can't complain. Her charm was still lacking but I wonder if that's due to years of working with people or if she just isn't a very nice person. I just hope from now on Helen is always there when I get my blood drawn.
I returned to work on Thursday but the real return was on Friday. 12-7 I worked yesterday which is a miserable shift to begin with but I did it. I was with my amazing coworkers again and had a beautiful cake waiting for me. I have pictures on my phone, but I have not sent them to my computer so I will show the cake later. Mare made it for me and it had my most favorite funfetti cake plus chocolate.
For anyone who is curious, bowling is not a good thing with a recovering blood clot leg.
And I'm beyond bummed this is the first time in four? years that I have not spent my best friend, other half birthday with her. I wish I was in Boston like I could not explain. I really hope she is enjoying herself
An appearance by the mean blood work lady from the first time occurred when I went in on Thursday. The whole drawing though took five seconds so I guess I can't complain. Her charm was still lacking but I wonder if that's due to years of working with people or if she just isn't a very nice person. I just hope from now on Helen is always there when I get my blood drawn.
I returned to work on Thursday but the real return was on Friday. 12-7 I worked yesterday which is a miserable shift to begin with but I did it. I was with my amazing coworkers again and had a beautiful cake waiting for me. I have pictures on my phone, but I have not sent them to my computer so I will show the cake later. Mare made it for me and it had my most favorite funfetti cake plus chocolate.
For anyone who is curious, bowling is not a good thing with a recovering blood clot leg.
And I'm beyond bummed this is the first time in four? years that I have not spent my best friend, other half birthday with her. I wish I was in Boston like I could not explain. I really hope she is enjoying herself
Thursday, February 3, 2011
My tummy hurts. Or more importantly the place where I believe my colon is hurts. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop.
Other words work was good. I wasn't in pain other then my leg kind of bothering me but that's totally fine. I mean I guess four hour shift is nothing so I shouldn't think of it as a huge accomplishment but part of it is. Plus I got to see all the people I have missed ever so much.
Bring on the CT scan to make me feel better and tell the doctor exactly what's wrong with me.
Jersey time now. And Ronnie just did Pfft. Love it.
Other words work was good. I wasn't in pain other then my leg kind of bothering me but that's totally fine. I mean I guess four hour shift is nothing so I shouldn't think of it as a huge accomplishment but part of it is. Plus I got to see all the people I have missed ever so much.
Bring on the CT scan to make me feel better and tell the doctor exactly what's wrong with me.
Jersey time now. And Ronnie just did Pfft. Love it.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Boooo to Pain
Today, I uttered the words I never thought I would ever say in my life. I told my dad I was afraid of eating.
Now for those who know me....I have never said those words in my entire life. My love for food is bigger then most people's love for it. I could probably win an eating contest versus most of my friends. I look at menus because I go to restaurants to see what different options I have for my meal. I even look at menus for places I have never been to or plan on going to because my friends mention it. I'm a food fanatic.
The past month though I have not been able to enjoy my love of food like I want to. This week I have been trying to have a "bland" diet of things that would not upset my stomach. Although that has not helped my symptoms at all. I get a terrible pain in my side a few minutes after I eat which sometimes brings tears to my eyes. I just don't get why I have not gotten better or why the doctor didn't think to give me medicine after that first visit to try to treat the problem even if we don't really know what the problem is. Now, he's beginning to do that, but I'm nervous about taking the medicine and it not working.
To be positive though, they will find what exactly is wrong with me and give me medicines to fix me. He says he is pretty sure what it is, colitis. Fabulous. But I'm not really worried about that because Brendan has it, and I watch him on a regular basis eat things like Buffalo wings. If having colitis means I can't have any more alcohol, I mean that will suck, but I will deal with it. As long as I get my food back soon, that's all I'm truly concerned with.
I do not want to be afraid of food anymore.
And once again I have to laugh about how most of my posts seem to be about food. It reminds me of the Woodmont family and how food makes our world go round.
Off to watch the ever exciting Syracuse and Uconn game. Let's go Huskies
Now for those who know me....I have never said those words in my entire life. My love for food is bigger then most people's love for it. I could probably win an eating contest versus most of my friends. I look at menus because I go to restaurants to see what different options I have for my meal. I even look at menus for places I have never been to or plan on going to because my friends mention it. I'm a food fanatic.
The past month though I have not been able to enjoy my love of food like I want to. This week I have been trying to have a "bland" diet of things that would not upset my stomach. Although that has not helped my symptoms at all. I get a terrible pain in my side a few minutes after I eat which sometimes brings tears to my eyes. I just don't get why I have not gotten better or why the doctor didn't think to give me medicine after that first visit to try to treat the problem even if we don't really know what the problem is. Now, he's beginning to do that, but I'm nervous about taking the medicine and it not working.
To be positive though, they will find what exactly is wrong with me and give me medicines to fix me. He says he is pretty sure what it is, colitis. Fabulous. But I'm not really worried about that because Brendan has it, and I watch him on a regular basis eat things like Buffalo wings. If having colitis means I can't have any more alcohol, I mean that will suck, but I will deal with it. As long as I get my food back soon, that's all I'm truly concerned with.
I do not want to be afraid of food anymore.
And once again I have to laugh about how most of my posts seem to be about food. It reminds me of the Woodmont family and how food makes our world go round.
Off to watch the ever exciting Syracuse and Uconn game. Let's go Huskies
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Let's Do the Time Warp Again
I miss food a whole lot. I miss being able to eat whatever I want. I just miss food.
On that note, Dad talked to the doctor I'm not a huge fan of about how to fix my insides. Dad and I agreed that he likes to talk and gives probably way too much information during a simple phone conversation. But I'm going to be taking another medicine to hopefully start to fix my insides. I'm also in for another CT scan which I am not looking forward to because of that awful IV from last time. But I'm getting another CT scan to check out my small intestine I believe my dad said. And if the medicine doesn't work and if they can see something else, steriods were mentioned. I'm still not sure how I will be jumping to the steroids but that is another option that my doctor mentioned.
Today I did nothing at all and was exhausted for most of the day which makes no sense but maybe it means I get to go to bed early. One of the supervisors from work called me today to tell me that truck was not tomorrow which means I'm not needed. Part of me is excited because I just have not been having a good few days. But at the same time he was saying how I could come in Thursday. I'm sorry but I have blood work and a doctor's appointment to go to which I have told my boss multiple times when I got my schedule so I told him that I could possibly come in after all those things. I was so looking forward to work tomorrow. Booo to it not working out.
I hope everyone has a safe next few days because the snow/ice storm is coming.
On that note, Dad talked to the doctor I'm not a huge fan of about how to fix my insides. Dad and I agreed that he likes to talk and gives probably way too much information during a simple phone conversation. But I'm going to be taking another medicine to hopefully start to fix my insides. I'm also in for another CT scan which I am not looking forward to because of that awful IV from last time. But I'm getting another CT scan to check out my small intestine I believe my dad said. And if the medicine doesn't work and if they can see something else, steriods were mentioned. I'm still not sure how I will be jumping to the steroids but that is another option that my doctor mentioned.
Today I did nothing at all and was exhausted for most of the day which makes no sense but maybe it means I get to go to bed early. One of the supervisors from work called me today to tell me that truck was not tomorrow which means I'm not needed. Part of me is excited because I just have not been having a good few days. But at the same time he was saying how I could come in Thursday. I'm sorry but I have blood work and a doctor's appointment to go to which I have told my boss multiple times when I got my schedule so I told him that I could possibly come in after all those things. I was so looking forward to work tomorrow. Booo to it not working out.
I hope everyone has a safe next few days because the snow/ice storm is coming.
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