A Thankful Post a Few Days Late

Thanksgiving was a few days ago.  If this is any preview for the holidays, they are going to suck big time.  But with family, and some wine, I think I can survive them.  Plus I have this huge plan for the month of December that might make me feel better this year.  I wanted to do big things last year and never followed through.  This year, I just might make it happen.

 Anyway, on Sunday I went to a Friendsgiving and we were instructed to write down 10 things that we were thankful for.  We laughed, we cried, we toasted.  But it was nice to sit with my closest friends and share what I am thankful for every day.

1. I'm thankful for my health.  I'm on an ever present roller coaster ride but this year, the ride hasn't been horrible.  And for the first time in years (knock on wood....) I have yet to end up in the hospital for any sorts of time except to visit my mother.

2. I'm thankful for patience.  While I have little patience most of the time, I haven't acted out in my many thoughts of screaming at mean people or annoying coworkers.

3.  Food, especially nachos.

4. Pictures to remind me of all the great memories.

5. And my family which includes the friends that have turned into family.  I have leaned a great deal on them in the recent years of my life but nothing compares to this year.  My mother and brother have been my rock.  My work friends and Milford family have seen ugly sides of me and still loved me regardless.  And every single person who has text messaged me, stopped by, called or reached out in some way, it means the world to me.  I lost one of the most important family members in my life this year, and I am especially thankful that I had him in my life for 26 years.

I'm a firm believer in constantly telling those around you how thankful you are for them daily.  It shouldn't just be a once in a year thing.  I think we should always tell those we love how much we love them, including tons of hugs every day.

New Type of Holiday

Happy Easter!

With my mom just getting home from the hospital yesterday, our Easter celebrations are much different then what we normally do.  Instead of cleaning the house all morning, waiting for family to come by mid afternoon, we lounged around the house for hours.

When we all finally got motivated, Mom moved to the living room chair to read and get a different view.  I had the pleasure of cleaning dishes and watching Lifetime movies as Dad cooked our very early dinner.  See, Christopher had a hockey game to go to with Greg and Jeff, so we had to have dinner around 2.  Which means as I'm writing this blog, I'm thinking about what I want for a snack.

Once dinner was ready, the family sat around the living room and ate.  We all got to chat about silly things and how Dad has to put Mom's walker across the room at night so she doesn't go explore without help.

The new type of holiday though?  I enjoyed it.  Everyone is relaxing now, and I haven't gotten out of my leggings/ tshirt combination.  Part of me is sad that I wasn't able to get a bit dressed up at some point in the day, but the other part of me is completely fine with being a bum all day.

Now we are just waiting for some family to come over for coffee and cake that my dad made.  Funfetti cake.  My favorite cake.  Can not wait.

Hope everyone got to spend this holiday with the people they love and enjoying some wonderful food.

I've made an important decision folks. 

I'm going gluten free.

And I'm making a promise to try and be positive about this whole thing and not wallow on all the food that I will no longer be able to eat.  Or the places I will be able to eat. 

Actually, let's have a moment of silence about this sad turn of events.

Unlike most people who have been going gluten free or trying the whole "clean" eating thing, I'm not doing this to lose weight.  Yes, it is a life style choice, but if I had a choice, I would continue to eat all the crappy food that I love.

Instead it's a life style choice to hopefully start a road to recovery.  While my doctor may not say there is actual medical proof of a diet change working, I'm going to cross my fingers and toes that my inflammation will go down and I won't be so miserable all the time.

Which leads me to researching/going on Pinterest to find recipes for this new type of living I'm going to be doing.

Let the adventure begin.

Reasons to Love December.

It's beginning to look a lot like the holiday season. Here are a few things I love about December:

Untouched snow

Nights decorated by Christmas lights

Holiday parties with people you love

Giving gifts

Christmas music by Mariah, Britney and NSYNC.  Sorry those are some of my favorites

The food

Candy Cane Hershey Kisses

Capturing memories with pictures

Dressing up

The smell of a fire that lingers in the air (And I'm talking about a fireplace fire...)

Letter writing

Whatever makes you love December and this holiday season, I hope you are able to enjoy it with the people you love.  Maybe you will give a few of my suggestions a try.  Just embrace December but most importantly, be with the people who matter.

It's Time to Begin.

I really enjoy this song so I hope you all would give it a chance as you read this lovely little update.

I'm trying my best to get back to my ordinary life, but sometimes my stupid stomach and leg hold me back.  This weekend I was able to go out with my friends, some of my favorite people in the world.  Shannon and I got spent the whole weekend together along with Tom and his friends.  I have known those guys for a few years now and they always put a huge smile on my face just because they are guys guys who enjoy hanging out with one another, drinking beers and talking about sports.

This weekend was exactly what I needed to get my mind off the fact that my stomach is taking longer to get better then I expected.  Last time I ended up in the hospital with a flare, I was already back to eating regular food, especially with the amount of steroids I'm on.  And now I just feel like my stomach is taking five years to bounce back and I don't have the patience to wait for it to be better.

That's not to say I haven't been able to enjoy my food.  Unfortunately, sometimes, my stomach just hurts a lot after I eat.  Whatever, I make sure to enjoy eating and just deal with whatever pain may come after the fact.  I mean when one goes up to the casino, how does one simply ignore Margaritaville nachos.  Spoiler alert: They don't.

Today is a stay in bed type of day because my leg has been hurting me a little bit.  Natasha and Boris are mad at me from all the fun I have been having.  The leg hasn't swollen at all, but the pain which had all but disappeared is there a bit right now.  As I am typing, I have my legs elevating on a folded over pillow.  

Story of my life.  

And sometimes, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Wasting Again in Margaritaville

I finally got my nachos from Margaritaville last night and let me just say, they were AMAZING.

Seriously, I have been waiting for those bad boys for over a year now, and they were everything I remembered and more.  The food was awesome, the company was amazing and even though the bad was okay, I had a really great time.

And a Margarita?  I didn't get to have one last night, butttttt next time I will definitely enjoy a pretty cocktail because I mean who can pass up a pretty color drink?  Not many people I can tell you.

Next time I go to the casino I'm totally going to play Roulette and actually win.  Or wheel of fortune game because Nick won a lot of money off of that game.

Adele Makes Me Smile

Sleeping in a hospital absolutely blows.  First the lights in the hall stay on all the time.  Second, at least in my case, the beeping of the heart machine goes off every once and a while.  I was told it may go off because the buttons are loose but still, that blows when you look at the machine and see one of the numbers is zero.  Makes for a fun night.  Then, last night I had the lights of New Haven to look at because I forgot to ask for the shade to be pulled.  And if you get to sleep with all those lights and noises, you get woken up to get blood drawn.  It's a fabulous thing.

Last night/this morning when blood was drawn, I ended up channel suffering and found the Uconn vs. Pitt Big East tourney game which I was not able to watch the first go around.  Even though I knew the end result, I still got nervous.  I'm such a nerd.

Another reason I'm a huge nerd. I found the Food Network.  Happiness could not be greater when I turned it on last night to cupcake wars.

So last night I was not transferred like they said could happen in the night.  I'm very grateful for that because it would be hard to get comfortable in a new room in the middle of the night without any family/friends around to try to calm me down.

I'm crossing my fingers and toes that I can leave today.  The changes in the past twelve hours with my care have changed a lot so I'm hoping they are getting ready to set me free.  This morning I was woken up to take some medication in pill form instead of the liquid which I had been getting.  So I had TWO graham crackers with my medication because I have not been having food. HUGE doings people, huge doings.

I also ordered for my breakfast more Italian ice and iced tea.  I'm a semi happy camper.

Hmmmm.  There are tons of more stuff I feel like but I don't want to bore people with the mundane things from my morning so far.  One thing I have to say is that when the residents were doing their rounds, they closed the door so I didn't hear anything they were saying which made me happy because I was really pissed off yesterday morning.  I was going to say to them this morning they are more then welcome to come in to get my opinion if I heard them this morning.  Luckily that did not happen.

Okay so I'm alone until the parentals come which means I'll probably get bored and ramble on here.  Plus I want to show a picture of my ET finger....it glows red. :)

My first meal in a day and a half.  I've been assigned a clear liquid diet and watermelon Italian Ice was an option.  I mean it isn't completely winning, but it's a start.  Especially considering I have not been able to eat. Anything. Ugh the worse.

Typical Jen though, I searched the whole menu and have decided what I would get from room service when I'm better.

They are Doing Rounds Right Outside Now

Sleeping at a hospital while unusual, isn't as bad as I thought.  I just don't like the idea of not getting up to go to the bathroom if necessary but I dealt with that on my crutches as well.

The crazy lady across the hall was at it again last night and I heard the nurses telling her she is not the only patient they have.  Whenever I did wake up, it seemed like someone was in there with her.

I got woken up twice I think for blood work and what not.  It wasn't too bad, they were able to find the vein easier then they had earlier in the day.  But like I said, it would be difficult to go back to sleep again but then I would manage.  Same with earlier today at like five and eight.  Although at eight I decided I would stay up just because I didn't fell like having to deal with trying to sleep again.

Still unable to eat today which makes me even more hungry.  Wonderful for the girl who loves food. Blood levels are good though and they are hoping to unhook me from things so I can actually move around a bit.  They are also saying that I may be moving to the regular floor which may mean roommates, wonderful....I can deal.  I'm also crossing my fingers that Dr. I will give me the go ahead to eat today.


I didn't mention in yesterday's post but Dr. I did come visit me yesterday.  It was good to see him even if the circumstances aren't ideal.  He told me what he did on Friday when I talked to him on the phone which basically means I will be needing to get new medicines.


Don't worry kids, I will continue to update you guys.  Especially at night when I'm bored here by myself.  Oh and can we talk about the fact there is NO FOX which means NO GLEE tonight.  And no MTV but no Glee?  That simply blows.

Let's Play A Little Game

Okay so we are going to play a game.  You have to choose one thing you don't think you can give up cold turkey.  I'll give you a few options.

a. Chocolate
b. Soda
c. Alcohol
d. Salad

If I know people like I think I do, most people would never answer d.  However, that is my answer.  I have basically given up b and c....only having one of each on special occasions.  I'm not a true fan of chocolate; I have to be in the mood for pure chocolate.  It's been hard to avoid the Thin Mints but we don't have as many boxes anymore and I'm trying to avoid them.  And the rest of candy bars? I've been good.

Salad? Salad is the reason I cried last night; it's the reason that when I get home from work at night I get upset that I can't make a quick salad to eat because it's better then eating all the pasta we have in the fridge.  I mean I have to be healthy, and I'm depriving myself of essential nutrients because I'm not having good balanced meals due to my work schedule.  So I eat salads to have my vegetables.


Ever since Dr. P told me that my INR levels continue to plummet with no idea why they are doing that, I have been trying my very best to not eat salads, and to continue to be semi good with not eating chocolate.  This salad deprivation is what caused another breakdown last night, and what brought me close to tears when I looked in the fridge tonight upon my arrival back home.  You see we have a whole new head of lettuce, and all I want is some of it, but I can't.  It really is such a tease, and I don't know how much longer I can avoid it.  


Truth is we are on month four of this bullshit with no resolution in sight.  I have a flight to Washington booked for July, I need some sort of change.  The doctors have no reasoning as to why my INR level is not therapeutic like it's supposed to be.  They seem to be stumped and I think part of the reason I have been so emotional recently is because there are no answers.  I take pills eight times a day, which basically means I'm taking pills every two hours, or what feels like ALL DAY.  Not only that but the blood clot had not gotten any smaller since the last ultra sound and I won't know how it looks again till the day after Easter.

I was told at the beginning of this thing that I did not have to change my diet.  It's funny we were more concerned about keeping my weight level because of my insides.  After I have seemingly gotten that situated for the time being, now I have to worry about what I'm eating because my doctors can't figure out why my INR is not staying where it should be.  It honestly boggles my mind.  Okay maybe not, I understand they are trying to get it to a certain point and taking away certain food is trying to find said solution.  But when I'm not eating "tons of it" like they told me, just small bowls of it to get my veggies in, I don't understand how this is helping me instead of deterring my health.


I remember a while back when I cried to my dad after being told some news, maybe it was the colonoscopy, that I was done with this all.  I said it again last night.  I'm grateful for being back at work, for being able to interact with people and able to eat and not bed ridden.  But when I have to cut on some of the things I love without getting any sort of resolution, I just don't see the point anymore.  Taking over ten pills throughout the day?  How is that living to a 24 year old?  Because I can honestly say I worry more about when I'm taking my next pill and if I took them all then what I am doing.  And I'm just completely over it all.

Hide and Seek.....Or At Least That's What You Call It

I have never been more proud of one of my best friends.  She did not think she would have been strong enough today, but she proved she is one of the strongest people I know.  I know you read this, I don't want to publish your name, but I love you.  I could not be more proud of how you handled yourself during such a difficult time.....in fact that goes to your whole family.  I love you guys more then you know and am here no matter what.

After the services today, we went to a late lunch at Fridays.  Now there was the usual group of us, plus my friends mom.  Due to the crappy day, we decided a drink was in order.  Of course I had the difficult decision of having a salad or a drink due to my INR levels.  And I know that I should not have either one but the fact of the matter is my INR is messed up from the steroids so I felt like I could make the decision.  The drink won over, but out of EVERYONE at the table, I was the one who was carded.  Now I don't mind because I have been told I look like I just graduated from high school but of course that is my type of life....being the one from the table to get carded.  Meggie said it was because he wanted to make sure I was legal, but that's just because we were all giggling so much about being carded.

Today we also giggled about the fact that I had two books in my purse, but in my defense, I had taken one from Meg to read.  But I'm the type of girl who gets the big purses because I keep my books in there, not because I fill it with makeup or other girlie things.  Before this whole fiasco with my stomach, I used to carry snacks in their as well.  I am not a typical girl.

I need my readers to help me with an important decision that may change things a bit.  Weird that I am turning to everyone here, but I kind of want some input on what others would think.

First is my mom showed me a tiny article in Family Circle advertising a writing contest.  It has always been a dream of mine to publish something, mostly a book but at this point in time anything.  Far reaching I know, but I just have a strong desire to do so for some reason.  Anyway, I wrote this short story during my senior year in college that I had difficulty writing it because it is about a group of women who mean the world to me.  I have always had the itch to write a book about them, if I were to write anything, and this story for one of my classes was the perfect start.  Now the story was shared, and some tears were shred but I kind of want to submit this story, just to see if anything would happen.  Of course I will need to make sure they agree, but I want to try, even though it terrifies me.  I pose this question to you guys, especially because some of those amazing women read this, should I try to submit this story of mine?

One slight snag may be that the story that needs to be submitted has to be a work of fiction.  My story is non-fiction.  Or creative non-fiction....but some may not know that after reading it.  I'm so confused, and so insecure about the whole writing thing.  This blog made me nervous at first, but the more feedback I got from family and friends about my writing encouraged me to continue.


As of now, I can't go to the parade on Sunday.  I'm hoping this fun fact will change tomorrow when I ask Tommy if he can switch with me.  Seeing as he is an Italian, I don't see the need to go to the St Patrick's Day parade but he would be the type that would want to go crazy just to do it.  I'm hoping he can throw me a bone, even though I have asked way too much from him in the past few months.


I'm also nervous about the next few days at work because I think I'm going to be standing still a lot and that has not been good for my leg in the past.  But we are going to see how I do, and cross your fingers it's okay.


No word from the primary doctor about my freaking ultrasound on Friday.  I just don't understand HOW they can let me sit here and freak out about my blood clot for a whole weekend and not call me the first thing this morning.  I called her after the services to ask for the results, at which the time was close to five, and have not heard back from her.  Once again great job doctors, I'm just shocked why people don't really like you.

In the Cityyyy of L.A.

Madison, our dog, had surgery on Friday to remove some bumps on her chest.  She has been walking around the house with a cone on her head so she can't lick her stitches.  I guess they have been bleeding, so today Dad asked if I could help bring Madison to the vet because of the bleeding.  She and I are now competing on the amount of medicines we are on, she wins with the different types but I think I win with the amount of pills I have to take.

Tonight I went shopping at Target and while I understand they are redoing it, I am not a fan of how I still don't know where things are and that it does not seem like they have as much available for me to browse.  Plus, I saw different summery type things which made me sad because this time last year I was getting ready for a week at the beach with two of my best friends.

Speaking of my best friends, as many of you know, I am going to be in my friends wedding in July out in Washington state.  I tried on the dress during my crutch period and actually have to get around ordering the actual dress.  But Alanna mentioned a slight problem in all the planning I wanted begin this week.  Or maybe Nick brought it up.  My blood clot.  With a multi-hour trip needed by plane, I didn't even think that going to the wedding would be an issue.  I was told I would not have to worry about not making it to the wedding, but that was before I found out the clot got bigger.  Unfortunately when I called the doctor today, I was told by his secretary that he wanted to wait until I had another ultra sound in April.  But the fact of the matter is I don't have time to wait for the flight because I don't want it to be more expensive the longer I wait.  Ughhhh.   I told my mom, which I will discuss with my dad as well, that I will probably book the flight anyway with hopes that the universe loves me and will let me go anyway.  

Contrary to all my friends who have solid nine to five jobs and stay in on Sunday nights, I went out with Greg.  A manger at WW is moving far far away so last night they had a party for him.  Even though I didn't know many people there, I had a good time.  Many WW employees were there and the ones who know me well enough was asking why I was just drinking water.  I should have made a comment about how everyone who seemed to be drinking was dropping like flies, but I just told them medicine didn't allow me.  However, I did get to see my favorite NH police officer.  Yes, I have a favorite police officer or I guess he is technically a detective, but I met him once outside of playwright and there he was a officer so that's what he is to me.  Anyway, I really enjoy seeing him and of course he teased me because he had not seen me at Starbucks in two months and joked that I "hated him now".   Overall it was a fun night though and I'm glad I went....Greg has introduced me to many 
amazing people and I'm lucky to have him as a cousin who is willing to do anything for anyone.  Plus, if I didn't go I would not have been able to see the kid who was wasted come back to the land of living to rap Tupac's California Love.  I DIED laughing, he didn't miss any of the words

In other news, I have been able to eat and not be in pain for a week now, and not just eating foods that may be safe, but foods that I have missed during this whole experience.  Exhibit A: Chilli dip.  Today Dad and I went to Stop and Shop and I got the ingredients for the chilli dip, and I made it for lunch.  I ate part of it, and I can honestly say I'm not in any pain.  I have wanted this dip since before Christmas.  Lunch today was like a very delayed Christmas present.  I now have something to eat for days to come and that makes me so freaking excited.


Off to watch my shows that I love while I type out stories that I have written down on many Starbucks napkins.  If only I could actually make an interesting book or real story out of them instead of just beginnings. XOXO

All I want is one certain thing to eat, and it's the last thing I can eat.  Or the one thing my parents do not believe I should have.  Namely my father.

I have always been the weird creature to crave salads.  Ask Shannon.  After a few drinks at night, when we would go to the diner or on the way home, I would announce that I could not wait to have a salad.  Crazy I know but that is my number one love.  And now it can make my stomach hurt which means we have to proceed with caution, basically meaning that I should not have a lot of it.

Which means at this particular time, I am extremely upset that I am unsatisfied with my early dinner.

I have noticed that my stomach is a little better but there are some flair ups.  I don't know if it's due to nervousness when the boss is in or if it's just nervousness about the whole thing in general but overall I have noticed that I don't have so many stomach pains throughout the day. Yayyyy for that!

Tomorrow I plan on starting to work out, even if that means simple crunches when I wake up.  I also have decided I want to make sure I'm not eating all crap food which means that I can not slip back into the small bag of chips a day habit that I had fallen into before the holidays.

Can't believe that all of my posts seem to be about food.  I'm addicted and it's not necessarily a good addiction.  Let me blame it this time on the medicine.

Tonight is a night to watch sappy love stories.  Why I torture myself by doing this is beyond me but I think I'm a hopeless romantic and wish that a movie like story is in my future.

Boooo to Pain

Today, I uttered the words I never thought I would ever say in my life.  I told my dad I was afraid of eating.

Now for those who know me....I have never said those words in my entire life. My love for food is bigger then most people's love for it.  I could probably win an eating contest versus most of my friends.  I look at menus because I go to restaurants to see what different options I have for my meal.  I even look at menus for places I have never been to or plan on going to because my friends mention it.  I'm a food fanatic.

The past month though I have not been able to enjoy my love of food like I want to.  This week I have been trying to have a "bland" diet of things that would not upset my stomach.  Although that has not helped my symptoms at all.  I get a terrible pain in my side a few minutes after I eat which sometimes brings tears to my eyes.  I just don't get why I have not gotten better or why the doctor didn't think to give me medicine after that first visit to try to treat the problem even if we don't really know what the problem is.  Now, he's beginning to do that, but I'm nervous about taking the medicine and it not working.

To be positive though, they will find what exactly is wrong with me and give me medicines to fix me.  He says he is pretty sure what it is, colitis.  Fabulous.  But I'm not really worried about that because Brendan has it, and I watch him on a regular basis eat things like Buffalo wings.  If having colitis means I can't have any more alcohol, I mean that will suck, but I will deal with it.  As long as I get my food back soon, that's all I'm truly concerned with.

I do not want to be afraid of food anymore.

And once again I have to laugh about how most of my posts seem to be about food.  It reminds me of the Woodmont family and how food makes our world go round.

Off to watch the ever exciting Syracuse and Uconn game. Let's go Huskies