It's Always a Good Time

Ever have one of those weekends that was so amazing, when you try to put it into words, they don't do any justice to it?

That was this weekend for me.  I wish I could account all the wonderful details, but whenever I try, I fail miserably.

Magic Mike.  Beach.  Patio dinner with the Milford family.  Margaritas.  Laughing until my stomach hurt with the Milford loves.  Prepping for Bar crawl.  Celebrating birthdays.  Sitting on the grass. Long lost friends. Cake pops. Pictures.  Fireworks.  Sam Summer. Oomcha Music.

A bunch of words that may not mean anything to anyone else, but it makes me smile to know I had such an amazing weekend.

Hey, I Just Met You....

I believe in friendships that turn into family.  Always have, always will.

This weekend I went up to Boston for my little sister's birthday.  And as some may be scratching their head wondering if I even have a little sister, let me explain.  My mother is one of the lucky ones still friends with her high school friends.  Yes, I have a whole second family that includes some wonderful women and men and a bond that many people just don't understand.

This family includes Kate, Ricky and Emily.  Kate's birthday was this weekend and us "kids" decided to trek up to Boston to help the little one celebrate.  We have spent countless hours at the beach, we have had countless meals and hanging out time, and even trips.  But a trip of just the kids has not happened until this weekend.  To say that we laughed our butts off and made countless memories would be an understatement.  I don't think I have had that great of a time in forever.

I can not imagine my life without the four of them.  On the ride home last night, I was amazed how much everything fades to the background when we get together and we just are.  It's a very rare friendship that this can occur and I am lucky to have that with these kids.  Age is no longer a concern and we just genuinely enjoy spending time in each other's company.  Words don't seem to articulate the proper feelings I get with these kids.  Yesterday we honestly sat in a dorm room laughing about text messages and feeling popular.  It wasn't anything special, but Emily and I just got silly over it.

Every single one of them is a beautiful person, and I'm not just saying that because that was one of our countless quotes from the weekend.  I really do mean each one of them is beautiful person who cares for those around them and are going to do great things in their life.  And I feel very special to call them my family and to be part of that journey in their lives.

Let's Play A Little Game

Okay so we are going to play a game.  You have to choose one thing you don't think you can give up cold turkey.  I'll give you a few options.

a. Chocolate
b. Soda
c. Alcohol
d. Salad

If I know people like I think I do, most people would never answer d.  However, that is my answer.  I have basically given up b and c....only having one of each on special occasions.  I'm not a true fan of chocolate; I have to be in the mood for pure chocolate.  It's been hard to avoid the Thin Mints but we don't have as many boxes anymore and I'm trying to avoid them.  And the rest of candy bars? I've been good.

Salad? Salad is the reason I cried last night; it's the reason that when I get home from work at night I get upset that I can't make a quick salad to eat because it's better then eating all the pasta we have in the fridge.  I mean I have to be healthy, and I'm depriving myself of essential nutrients because I'm not having good balanced meals due to my work schedule.  So I eat salads to have my vegetables.


Ever since Dr. P told me that my INR levels continue to plummet with no idea why they are doing that, I have been trying my very best to not eat salads, and to continue to be semi good with not eating chocolate.  This salad deprivation is what caused another breakdown last night, and what brought me close to tears when I looked in the fridge tonight upon my arrival back home.  You see we have a whole new head of lettuce, and all I want is some of it, but I can't.  It really is such a tease, and I don't know how much longer I can avoid it.  


Truth is we are on month four of this bullshit with no resolution in sight.  I have a flight to Washington booked for July, I need some sort of change.  The doctors have no reasoning as to why my INR level is not therapeutic like it's supposed to be.  They seem to be stumped and I think part of the reason I have been so emotional recently is because there are no answers.  I take pills eight times a day, which basically means I'm taking pills every two hours, or what feels like ALL DAY.  Not only that but the blood clot had not gotten any smaller since the last ultra sound and I won't know how it looks again till the day after Easter.

I was told at the beginning of this thing that I did not have to change my diet.  It's funny we were more concerned about keeping my weight level because of my insides.  After I have seemingly gotten that situated for the time being, now I have to worry about what I'm eating because my doctors can't figure out why my INR is not staying where it should be.  It honestly boggles my mind.  Okay maybe not, I understand they are trying to get it to a certain point and taking away certain food is trying to find said solution.  But when I'm not eating "tons of it" like they told me, just small bowls of it to get my veggies in, I don't understand how this is helping me instead of deterring my health.


I remember a while back when I cried to my dad after being told some news, maybe it was the colonoscopy, that I was done with this all.  I said it again last night.  I'm grateful for being back at work, for being able to interact with people and able to eat and not bed ridden.  But when I have to cut on some of the things I love without getting any sort of resolution, I just don't see the point anymore.  Taking over ten pills throughout the day?  How is that living to a 24 year old?  Because I can honestly say I worry more about when I'm taking my next pill and if I took them all then what I am doing.  And I'm just completely over it all.

It's Charming to Do Three Posts in a Day

Remember a few weeks back, when I posted a rant about my different doctors?  At least I believe I posted it, it may have just been a rant to my parents and friends, and never made it to the blog.  But I was annoyed with my doctors because I had three doctors who were not talking to one another to try to figure out what is/was wrong with me.  For the sick patient, it was extremely difficult to go to each doctor and have to reexplain everything going on with me, and have to hold their hands because they aren't communicating.

Unfortunately, I seem to be dealing with a similar situation right now that has nothing to do with my medical issues.  Well actually, there is always the possibility that I have that going on but I'm not aware of it at this moment.  Nope at this moment, I have this stupid non communication going on causing me headache, even though it should have been all figured out before I was ever told anything.

Basically I'm not going to have a day off for until the following week.  And I don't mean this one coming up.  And while I would be fine with this if I was making more money, right now I'm not.  Right now I'm dealing with miscommunication again and instead of people of authority figuring it out before bringing information to me, I have to figure it out.  I don't want to really do that, but in order for my own well being, I have to.

I know life is not easy, but to not give any details, to just throw someone in something without explaining any real details to anyone, ESPECIALLY me, it's not fair.

I'm going to wear myself out.  I'm going to stress myself out and make myself feel worse.  And I'm sorry I'm number one in this case.  And I'm not planning on doing it.  I just do not want to be pulled in two different directions.

Why You Wanna Give Me a Run Around

Today, I went to see my lovely primary doctor.  Now I use the word lovely loosely.  She wanted this appointment because she "hadn't seen me in a while" which in real terms means the first visit I had with her after I went to the hospital.  She had told me back at that appointment I would get sick of seeing her but at the same time I had not seen her since the end of December.  Hmmm.....that's a wonderful start to the visit.

Anyway, I went to the appointment today and she told me that my INR is basically at a stalemate which has brought concern to her as well as the doctor that is treating my blood clot.  I am taking high doses of Warfarin which is not good to be taking so she told me that they are trying to figure out why my INR is the level it's at without budging even though they had increased my Warfarin level.  She then begins to ask me about my diet and if I was having tons of green vegetables, which I told her I had been having small salads but she had told me that was not an issue.  She asks if I have been having caffeine, which I told her not really because I was told water is the best thing so I have been drinking a lot of water.  She then asked if they had given me of a list of stuff I shouldn't be eating.  I told her no, I mean two months after the fact I haven't really been worried because she told me that I did not need to worry about it.

Thanks for the change of thinking after all this time.

Not only did she ask about my diet but then I was rambling about various things, about how I have not felt better since before this whole thing started ever since I started taking the steroids, which she then looked at me and goes that's it.  Mind you, my father discussed with my primary doctor about the medicine that my inside doctor, who is the ONLY one doing good to me, prescribed to me.  She KNEW about the steroids and yet this was like some huge new news to her.  But the doctor told me that the steroids are probably the reason my INR levels have not changed.  

I thought that she seemed so out of it as weird but I didn't really question it because she is my doctor and I thought she would know what she was talking about. My dad and I have kept her in the loop, my dad told her that she needs to be our go to person that was our contact between the other doctors.  And from what we understood she was going to be that person.  Boy were we wrong.

Today I get to go for another ultra sound on my leg which I am hoping beyond hope tells me that my blood clot is getting smaller. According to my primary doctor, the long trip is the cause of my blood clot which is crazy because the hospital and everyone else told us that was not the reason at all.  The travel during Thanksgiving was ruled out.  But she said that if I were to go on any more long trips then I would need to move around a lot more because I can't do more long trips.  I mentioned my trip to Washington and she told me about the ultrasound today, in a few hours.  Not only that but she told me by the end of the month they wanted me off the Warfarin.   Funny to think I'm going off it so soon because I was told I was going to be on that for a year.  Not that I'm complaining.  Blood thinners suck.  But I guess by the end of March I will no longer have to take it which I guess means they think the blood clot is growing smaller.  Who knows though.

I will give updates on how the ultra sound goes today.  Plus I had a funny post idea before the doctor but I don't feel like writing about it now.  That little jem will be presented when I get back from the doctor.  Till then