2013, You've Been a Treat....

I'm going to let you in on a small secret.

I have had the pleasure of 2013 welcoming me in with a wonderful little flare up that has gotten worse instead of getting better.  It all began mid-January.  I started to not feel well and I got in touch with my doctor as soon as this started. We increased the steroids, and tried to come up with a plan because instead of getting better, the flare up was getting worse.

Flash forward to last week.  Basically I was miserable.  I would go into work, come home and try to eat the best that I could, and then go to sleep because I was completely exhausted.  I have basically gone into hiding because I don't feel well.

I had another test done last Wednesday and was told that the inflammation hasn't gone down at all, which confused my doctor because I'm on a bunch of medications and shouldn't be so inflammed.  So he upped the steroids and said I would be hearing from another doctor who will hopefully be able to figure out what's my problem.  Mind you, I am piecing this conversation together because the good doctor thought it was a great idea to have this conversation when I was coming out of my drugged up state.  Wonderful.

This past Friday, I talked to my doctor a little more.  I guess my whole situation has him thinking about why I'm going through this and what the game plan should be.  This is where it gets a bit scary and where I'm not such a strong little girl.

He said that I've gone through most of the medications that people who have colitis use.  Either I can try some new medications that this other doctor will suggest, or I can try my shots every week now.  I have wanted to try the shots every week now, but I need to actually get approved for the prescription through the insurance company.  Wonderful.  But he also mentioned surgery and removing my colon.  That made me have a minor breakdown in the middle of the living room.

No surgery for this girl in the forseeable future.

Dad said that surgery will be my last option, but he has begun doing his own research on how to make me feel better.  I think I'm going to start a different diet to hopefully curb these flare ups.  I need to research some more about the diet before I make an official decision but I'm almost 99% sure I will be changing up my diet.

This is what has been happening to me these past few weeks.  I am trying to be as stress free as I can because I know that's not good for my colitis.  I have also been trying to avoid certain foods that will make me hurt.  I've been having a good few days though, knock on wood. 
 

Life Lessons at 26

Two years ago; a snapshot of a wonderful accomplishment

Since today is my 26th birthday, I decided that I should write some lessons that life has taught me.  Enjoy.

1. Nothing is better then receiving a hand written letter in the mailbox from a friend.  I not only love sending them, but getting them makes my whole day.

2. You can judge how good a restaurant is by their nachos.  If you don't agree with me, then you obviously have never tested this.

3.  Hospital visits can be stressful, but it's always important to try and be kind to those who are taking care of you.  Health care providers aren't going to be so nice to you if you are being an asshole.

4. Capture as many of life moments with a camera.  Being able to look back on all those amazing memories is something I truly love more then words.

5. Travel.  I have been to many states throughout the country and it's been such a wonderful experience every where I have gone.  The getting their part may be hectic (hello getting stuck in airports...) but the fun times I have had during those trips are priceless.

6.  On-line shopping is one of the greatest inventions of all time, but it can also be the devil.  There have been so many times that I have bought new clothes without having to deal with rude people at malls or stores.

7. Music makes my world go round and song lyrics can truly speak to the soul.  If you don't believe that a great song can change your whole mood, then you haven't been exposed to great music.

8.  Enjoy food.  If my stomach problems have taught me anything, it's always enjoy every aspect of a meal.  Even though I know I may be in pain a hour after eating my meal, if it's a good dish, then I will enjoy it. No matter what.

9.  It's completely okay to spend the day in sweat pants, snuggled with blankets, on the couch reading a good book.  I do this on a regular basis and I'm totally okay with being a bum.

10.  I'm also okay with reading my favorite books on a regular basis.  If I absolutely love a book, then I'm excited to go back and see my favorite characters.  In fact, 90% of the books on my book case I have read more then once, and I'm not ashamed of that.

11.  Life seems to be better in the summer time, as well as by the beach.  I think the warm weather wards off the bad energy that winter sometimes provides.  Case in point, I have never had stomach problems during the summer.  And whenever I'm over thinking a problem, if I go to the beach, then I feel completely renewed.

12.  Life will set you up with many obstacles, including many different medical problems.  As long as you try to keep your head up, and surround yourself with a good support system, then you will be able to overcome anything.  Also, even if you think you can't give blood, it's possible.  It's also possible for the girl who used to cry during any sort of shot can look at blood being taken and also give herself her own shots.

13.  It's also possible that as you grow up, you also become more emotional.  It's also possible that those emotions come out more often when you don't feel well.  Also possible to want to cry at the drop of the hat whenever someone is nice to you.  It's fine to be emotional.  Embrace it.

14. Singing on the top of your lungs to your favorite song is acceptable.  While dancing around your room, and having the music blaring.  This dancing/singing combination will let your worries slide away from you.  Dare you to try it.

15. Never be afraid to tell people how much you care about them.  Give them hugs.  High fives when they achieve something good.  Smile at strangers who did something nice to you. Say I love you.  People want to be cared about.  And smiles and hugs can change the world.

These life lessons may be general ideas to some people, or not very profound, but the fact remains they are a few of the things I truly believe in.  I always knew I was lucky to have such amazing people in my life, but you really know how many people are in your corner when some obstacles come your way.  I want to thank everyone who reads this, who has believed in me, who has given me a hug or words of encouragement, not only in the past 2 years but especially the past 26 years of my life. It means more to me then I think you will ever understand to have you all in my corner.

Happy birthday to me! Here's to many more to come.

Winter Blues

Since the cold temperatures of winter have finally hit us, I can not help but think how much I need the summer back in my life.

The sun.  The heat.  The endless possibility that summer brings. 

Even though I am a winter birthday baby, I am a summer girl at heart.  And this little heart is aching for the summer time.

No matter how many country songs I listen to, or how many summer pictures I look at, I can not help but wish summer would get here sooner.

This is my love letter to warmer weather, as soon as you can, to come back to New England.  We all need the sunshine and warmth back in our lives, please.
 

Anything Can Happen....

Boy, oh, boy is 2013 welcoming me in with open arms.

I haven't been feeling well and while I try to grin it and bear it, it's starting to suck to always be sick.

I've been getting countless blood work done, and my INR does not budge at all.  I'm on a very high count for the Warfarin and nothing is changing week in and week out.  I try to keep smiling and keep a positive attitude with everything, but sometimes it's very tiring.

And I don't think most people around me understand how truly draining this whole thing is.

I have become a sort of recluse since the first of the year.  Other then a quick overnight trip to Boston, I have stayed home basically every weekend because I either become too tired early in the evening, or just don't have the energy to pretend.  Yes, I've had a boring social life, but I don't want to continue being the sick girl.  Instead, I just stay in my house, and read books and watch different T.V. shows.  Hello guilty pleasures.

Tomorrow I get to talk to my inside doctor and basically tell him that he could proceed with trying to get some more tests done to determine whats going on with me.  I was nervous about the whole new insurance thing, but now that I called Human Resources, I have a little more faith that I won't be without insurance at any point after turning 26.

But here's to a better few weeks where the stomach gets magically better.  Guess I gotta keep the positivity flowing somehow....

May Angels Lead You In...

My heart has hurt immensely since Friday afternoon.

I wish I could express everything I have been feeling in this blog, but I can't.  I don't have any ties to Newtown, other then a few people I went to college with having a connection to the school distract.  

This has hit so close to home though.  I like to believe that our town is similar to Newtown in that small town feel.  Everyone seems to know everyone here and everyone has grown up with each other.  Coming in at 8th grade, it was weird to see how close everyone was, and from what I have seen on the news, Newtown is the same type of town.

There are no words though for the tragedy that happened at Sandy Hook elementary school on Friday morning.  I was glued to my television all day Friday as most people throughout our state, country, and even the world.

The fact that these small children had their innocence ripped away in such a short time is the biggest tragedy of it all.  All of these children have grown up beyond their years on Friday.  I am so impressed with the courage that every person in that school has presented to the world, from each of those children at the school, to the teachers, to the staff, and the emergency personnel, and all the parents and friends and family of those in that school. Something like this just shows how much other people can step up and be the best type of people during the worst circumstances.

Rest in peace to all those angels that lost their lives on Friday morning.  And stand strong to the town of Newtown.  You have a whole state supporting you no matter what.

Reasons to Love December.

It's beginning to look a lot like the holiday season. Here are a few things I love about December:

Untouched snow

Nights decorated by Christmas lights

Holiday parties with people you love

Giving gifts

Christmas music by Mariah, Britney and NSYNC.  Sorry those are some of my favorites

The food

Candy Cane Hershey Kisses

Capturing memories with pictures

Dressing up

The smell of a fire that lingers in the air (And I'm talking about a fireplace fire...)

Letter writing

Whatever makes you love December and this holiday season, I hope you are able to enjoy it with the people you love.  Maybe you will give a few of my suggestions a try.  Just embrace December but most importantly, be with the people who matter.

I hope everyone had an enjoyable holiday filled with smiles, laughter, friends, family, things we are thankful for and of course, tons of food.

As this holiday season approaches, I can't help remember that two years ago, everything was beginning.  The end of my old old "normal and the transition of a new "normal" that I never thought I would get used to. 

However, I slowly am getting used to it....

I have started my taper for the steroids on Black Friday.  I did not want another miserable holiday and decided like Black Friday was a good a day as any to start decreasing some of my medication. After speaking with Dr. I, we determined we would try a faster taper then I'm used to, but it all depends on how my body becomes reacts to it.  For now though, that means I'm going down 10 mg every Friday until I'm done.  Which may mean I have the best Christmas present EVER.

Last week, I had to inject myself with two more of the Humira pens.  And I was so proud of myself for not needing someone to hold my hand while I did the whole thing by myself in my room.  Dad told me that if I ever think I can't fight, I need to remember that moment when I ran out to get high fives from Chris and Dad for doing the injections by myself.  Dad could tell I was so proud of myself, and knew I would eventually need to remember that I'm stronger then I think.  It's nice to have my family in my corner.

One more doctor's visit before the holidays and a few more blood tests I'm sure.  It's funny though.  In my new normal, I'm no longer terrified of needles or blood work.  Instead I'm the girl asking questions on why they take two tubes of blood.  And in my new normal?  I kick ass in giving myself injections.