Here We Go Again...

As some of you may have heard, I broke my New Year's resolution.

How did I do that you may ask?  Well on Wednesday, I went to the hospital.

My stomach has been a mess and a half, I hadn't been eating and anything I was eating was not staying in me.  I wasn't even really able to keep up with my fluid intact.  And the pain in my stomach?  Awful.

So after leaving work early and calling Dr. I, we decided that we were going to Goose Lane.  I was under the impression that I would be going there and eventually staying overnight at Yale New Haven.  Or at least that was the plan.  But obviously plans change.

We did go to Goose Lane, ended up in the same room where this whole process started and I got hooked up to some IV's.  They addressed the fact that I was extremely dehydrated and gave me two bags of the fluids.  I had some saltines and a healthy choice type chicken dinner and it didn't come back up!  Because of this, they sent me home.  However, when I questioned the pain in my stomach, they basically said I had to call Dr. I the next day to find out and all they could do was give me pain meds and send me on my way.

While we were filling the prescription for the pain meds, I got a phone call from Dr. I.  Mind you it was 7:30 at night and I was not expecting to hear from him at all.  For this reason along with countless others, he proved his nickname of the Rockstar.  Anyway, he told me he didn't agree with them releasing me because in case it was a flare up, I wouldn't be able to tolerate the steriods by taking them and he was expecting me to get it by IV.  But he asked about the pain and then told me a little about the lab work that came back earlier that day.

I have an infection and that's what is cause all my discomfort.  Now they don't know if the infection is active or not but he assumes that it is due to my symptoms.  He basically told me that I could start antibotics that night or I could wait to hear the results of the second test on Thursday and then we can proceed accordingly.  I decided on option two and went home and got into bed.

Yesterday, I called the Rockstar to find out more about the infection because my mother told me a few things about it that she was concerned about, one of them being the fact that I can have visitors.  Anyway, the test results still weren't in and he suggested taking the medication so I can start to be on the mend.  And while it may sound silly to start treating something that we don't know I definitely have, he has not steered me wrong before.  

I started that medication yesterday and while I don't feel a huge change, I'm hoping it works.

Rest time now.  I'll updated once I hear back from the doctor.

No Excuses, Play Like a Champ

I have spend most of this gorgeous weekend sleeping in my room.  Fact.

It's not like I want to, but when you don't feel well, all you wanna do is sleep.  Right now, my body feels like it's gotten hit by a truck and takes serious effort to stand and/or hold things.  I hate being this weak, because I like standing on my own but jeez....I'm weak at this time.

I have had a few friends and my parents tell me I am strong.  One told me I had to play like a champ.  With people like that who believe in you?  How can you want to cry all the time because you are not doing okay.  I'm trying to figure that out.  Part of me thinks the tears after hearing these things are because I'm afraid I am going to disappoint them when I am not that strong.  But then I think they have stuck by my side through all of this so I'm assuming they will still be there.

Greg told me today how I looked like shit when I first walked into Nana's.  I really wish it was a hang over like he said.

Boost seems to be sitting with me okay at the moment.  I haven't been eating so I decided that it was a good idea to have some sort of supplement (ohhh heyyy body builder) and it's working at the moment. Knock on wood.

Work this week is going to be a challenge but I am going to persevere.  It's what I have been doing for the past year and a half.  Fighting and winning the battles.

A Quick Review on Life

Aside from the creepy two lined entry the other day, I haven't really shared all the amazing things that have been happening/fun adventures I have been on.

First and foremost, I have become a hiker.  Yes, I go hiking at least once a week now and if I don't, I feel like I am miss out completely.  My group of friends like to go on the weekends and sometimes I have to miss out (which makes me really really bummed) but then there are times that we all go and there is normally a lot of laughs and fun times.  I have even gone on some of the harder trails and survived! And ran into a snake and didn't scream or run crying.

Next, I passed the national pharmacy test which basically means I'm getting a raise and promotion at work.  The promotion has been a long time coming because I have basically been doing everything that the job entails for months now.  But whatever, I passed a test I was terrified I was not going to pass.  And I couldn't be more excited or proud.

Now for the part that most people probably come here to read about.  I believe I'm having another flare up which has not been a walk in the park.  Let me tell you, being miserable and wanting to cry all the time?  Not a fun experience let me tell you.  It all began on Saturday really when it truly did suck being at a picnic and having to run away every hour and half basically.  That's the first breakdown during this flare up.  I have been trying to muscle my way through it as strong as I can but this whole colitis thing makes me doubt that sometimes because it truly does kick you on your ass.  It's hard trying to tell someone who doesn't have it what you experience.  A pain in the stomach, pain in my back, wanting to cry all the time and not wanting to stand for long periods of time.  It really is the most awful thing a person can imagine.

On top of all this, I haven't really been eating.  I've become scared once again that whatever I eat will cause me pain so I don't eat large meals anymore.  And when I do eat, I do become uncomfortable.  So on top of not feeling well because of the colitis, I am weak because I'm not eating and that is never a good thing.  I just had one of the first meals in a while, plus a milkshake.  Lemme tell you it was heavenly.  Here's to hoping no pain comes.

So that's life.  I gotta take some tests in order to see if this is a flare up or if it's just an infection or stomach bug.  Such an exciting little life I lead....

I have not been okay since last Friday and I don't know how I'm going to survive this.

According to dad, I'm strong, but sometimes I just don't know how much strength I actually have.

More tomorrow cause I'm crawling into bed and falling asleep

Allergies are officially one of the worst things about warmer weather coming.

Honestly, I died most of the day today at work thanks to the pollen counts.  Thankfully, my face and eyes did not explode like it did last year.  Woof, did I look like a bug then.

But hey, it means spring is here!!!

What Do You Want to Do Before You Die?

Normal enough question right?  Everyone has those goals in their life whether they share them with other people or keep that list to themselves, every single person has a list of things they want to do before they die.  Their bucket list.

I have three different lists.

Crazy some may say but if you know me, I'm not the most normal person you will ever meet.  Hell, if you read back on these posts, you will know I'm not a normal 25 year old.  But like I said, I have three different lists.  One is a typical bucket list, everything I want to do before I die.  Then I have a food bucket list.  The places I want to visit.  The dishes I have to try.  Then I have a book bucket list.  The majority of this list are the classics, but the Hunger Games had been on that and that deserves a check off it.

Anyway, I was discussing my bucket lists on Wednesday night and I got all sorts of excited about them.  Now I want to take action.  Don't ask me why all of a sudden this has become important but it has.  I'm thinking about doing a 5k in June with Emily and Katelyn.  I got the tattoo last week.  Signal Rock and I are going to become best friends.  And all the books I can read once I get this test over with?  It's going to be magical.  Plus, Paul has agreed to go to restaurants with me because he has never seen someone like me eat as much food as he has. 

And during this journey?  I want to document it.  I want pictures, I want detailed reports, I want to have fun.  Summer is fast approaching and I'm looking to make some memories.

Miss You....

It's been fifteen years since you have gone and I miss you like it was yesterday.

My world was rocked that March day.  I have told this to a handful of people, but I had a feeling I needed to be with you the night before.  I insisted on spending the day off at your house, but you had school.  Maybe I knew you needed someone there, maybe I just had that feeling.  I really do regret not being able to say goodbye.  Not spending that last day with you but for my own sanity, it's probably a good thing I was not there because I would have been devastated.  


You were one of the most amazing people I knew.  Candy was always in the cabinet above the sink.  Chips and other snack foods in the unused stove.  While I always smelled like cigarette smoke when I left, I was never happier then spending the day with you.


Sick days were my absolute favorite.....I got to snack on junk food and sneakily watch soap operas while I was supposed to nap.  I'm sure Mom would not have been happy about that remedy, but it made me happy.


Grandma, I miss you every day.  I got this tattoo with you in mind.  I thought about you all day today and even told Theresa how amazing you were.  I hope you I make you proud Grandma, I hope you watch over me every day and hold me up when I truly do need you.


Anytime I see a butterfly, I know you and Papa are with me. <3