Love You More.....

Yesterday marked 1 year since I last heard your voice Daddy and I still feel lost without you.

Every day I miss you more then any words can explain.  When good things happen and when bad things occur, I reach my phone to text you.  Imagine the pain when I remember you are not around to give me advice anymore; that you are not there to encourage my dreams, or celebrate my achievements.  

365 days. 

Most days are long and sometimes I feel like I will eventually wake up from this terrible nightmare.  Yesterday showed me as much as I wish this was a dream, it's a new reality.  A reality I would never wish on anyone.

Last year, this world lost one of the best men that I have ever known and I was blessed to call you my father.  Our family's world crumbled and we have been struggling to regain some sort of footing ever since.  I truly believe the world lost a bit of it's sparkle because you left this life.  

Thank you Dad for making me into the caring, saracastic, hard working woman that I am today.  You taught me so much in the 26 years I was blessed to have you in my life and I am still learning from you every day.  Thank you for teaching me that I am stronger then I give myself credit for, even though I wish you were here to encourage me every day.  

I don't think there has been a day that has gone by that I don't think of you or miss you.  I hope I make you proud every single day, that's all I wish every single day.  I want you to know it's a struggle to face every single day, but I am a warrior for you.  I smile and treat people with respect like you taught me to.  

You were the best man I have ever known and I miss your smile, your sarcasm, your laughter and your daily advice on how to conquer this world.  I still can not believe it's been 365 days and I miss you every single day.

Love you more.

Thank You

This year I have been truly blessed.

Yes, this is an odd statement coming from me especially after 2013.

Over the past few days I have been thinking a lot about all the people who have been there for me during those dark days.  And those people who do everything in their power to make me laugh or smile.  The people who make me feel light again.

I have to believe my wonderful angel has placed certain people in my life.  The people who have pulled me out of my shell when all I wanted to do is hide.  The people who tell me what a beautiful soul I have.  The people who have cared for me even with a simple hello or smile or a heart text message because they woke up in the middle of the night thinking of me.

It's hard to believe that most of the people who I'm close with today were barely in my life last year.  These people I consider family, who I know will be there for so many years to come.  I'm so grateful for these friends, who continue to deal with my tears, and sadness, but also my complete joy and happiness when I'm around them.  I'm grateful for the people who continue to support me even after those scary, early dark days.

I can not put into words how grateful I am for all the loving support I have received over this past year.  I always knew I was blessed from the support I had throughout my many hospital stays, but the overwhelming love that we have gotten has been unreal.

To the friends and family who read this:  Thank you so much for the love you have sent me throughout this difficult journey.  For the cards and the letters and the well wishes.  Thank you for the countless hugs, for the dance parties when I didn't want to feel all the feelings.  For the patience with dealing with me especially on the days that I become way too quiet or was feeling really down.  The patience to hearing more stories about my dad then more people could tolerate.  Essentially thank you for being you, and for helping me along this weird long little journey that I ahve started down.

 

"I know that we all think we're immortal, we're supposed to feel that way, we're graduating. The future is and should be bright, but, like our brief four years in high school, what makes life valuable is that it doesn't last forever, what makes it precious is that it ends. I know that now more than ever. And I say it today of all days to remind us that time is luck. So don't waste it living someone else's life, make yours count for something. Fight for what matters to you, no matter what. Because even if you fall short, what better way is there to live?" 

Gwen Stacy Spiderman 2 

**don't mind the high school bit.  I saw the movie today and thought this quote was important to remember.

Birthday Season Commences

Isn't it funny when the weather starts to get warmer, the possibilities of fun adventures become more abundant?

Birthdays and engagements and graduations and moves and new adventures.

I have been reflecting a lot about my life recently.  Weird times are approaching and it makes me nervous.  But I have a lot of great people in my life who exude positivity into the world and my life.  And I am beyond blessed for that.  

I need cheerleaders in my life.  I need the fun adventures of going out to a bar and singing all sorts of old school songs with your friends.  Or the nights when friends save you from creepy guys who try to dance with you.  I need beach days.  Including walks on the beach with my mom looking for the perfect piece of sea glass.  I need to be surrounded by old childhood friends and celebrating the fact that I was part of a surprise party.  I need causing a ruckess in the middle of a diner because my girlfriends just are so excited about life.

Spring and summer mean more adventures.  Concerts. More birthdays.  Wineries.  Gradation celebrations.  

I couldn't be more excited for all the adventures coming my way.

 

Hoppy Easter

For the past two years, we have started new traditions for this wonderful spring holiday.  Last year was a low key day filled with sweat pants and hanging out in the living room because Mom was recovering from hip surgery. 

This year we decided to ditch the typical family traditions of ham and all that jazz and go our own way.  Let's be real.  The past year has been anything but normal for us and I (we) had a tough time for the holidays.  So it was nice to not make a big deal about this Sunday.

Instead, we went to visit with Nana before she went out with other family members.  We went to lunch/dinner at Eli's in Branford because it would be too weird to go to the other one. We went to visit Dad for a bit, where I promised him I would redo the grass because  I know he is cursing the fact that his space is all crab grass. 

And for the rest of the afternoon I have relaxed.

It might not sound like the most glamorous holiday, but for me, it was exactly what I loved.  New traditions are needed for our family, regardless of what others may think.  To spend it with two people who love me, it's what was wonderful for my soul.

Friday Favorites

I'm going to share my 5 favorite things from this week.

1. March Madness.  And UCONN basketball.  And trash talking with family members all day today.

2.  Girl's nights at the apartment where we honestly lay on the floor and just talk about life.

3. Finding sea glass on the beach....including the rare blue piece.

4.  Feeling Good in the 90's playlist on Songza.  Which brings to me jams such as this:

5.  This week I was told a few times I have a beautiful soul.  I think this is a beautiful compliment that makes me smile more then anyone realizes.

March Madness

I would be lying if I said I have been following UCONN basketball as closely as I once had this year.  But that doesn't mean that when the big dance comes I won't cheer on my Huskies and wish they to absolutely dominate the tournament.

I have loved basketball since I was little and UCONN was a staple in my house.  That's part of the reason why I wanted to go to UCONN, because the basketball program produced superstars.  For many years now, I have not kept quiet watching these games, often screaming at the television as if each of those players could hear my words frustrations at poorly executed plays.

With March Madness in full swing, I have become addicted to the various basketball games.  Kentucky versus Wichita State. Screamed at my team when they attempted that three pointer.  Syracuse AND Duke losing?  Tears of joy.  

And when my UCONN Huskies won in over time the first round, and turned around sloppy play to beat Villanova in the second, I couldn't be happier.  Let's be real, most people hate the Huskies.  But if there is anything I learn every time March Madness rolls around, UCONN has some loyal, die hard fans who wear their Husky pride no matter what.

I love our character. I love our guys. And we're gonna win this game. 

Kevin Ollie