Thank You

This year I have been truly blessed.

Yes, this is an odd statement coming from me especially after 2013.

Over the past few days I have been thinking a lot about all the people who have been there for me during those dark days.  And those people who do everything in their power to make me laugh or smile.  The people who make me feel light again.

I have to believe my wonderful angel has placed certain people in my life.  The people who have pulled me out of my shell when all I wanted to do is hide.  The people who tell me what a beautiful soul I have.  The people who have cared for me even with a simple hello or smile or a heart text message because they woke up in the middle of the night thinking of me.

It's hard to believe that most of the people who I'm close with today were barely in my life last year.  These people I consider family, who I know will be there for so many years to come.  I'm so grateful for these friends, who continue to deal with my tears, and sadness, but also my complete joy and happiness when I'm around them.  I'm grateful for the people who continue to support me even after those scary, early dark days.

I can not put into words how grateful I am for all the loving support I have received over this past year.  I always knew I was blessed from the support I had throughout my many hospital stays, but the overwhelming love that we have gotten has been unreal.

To the friends and family who read this:  Thank you so much for the love you have sent me throughout this difficult journey.  For the cards and the letters and the well wishes.  Thank you for the countless hugs, for the dance parties when I didn't want to feel all the feelings.  For the patience with dealing with me especially on the days that I become way too quiet or was feeling really down.  The patience to hearing more stories about my dad then more people could tolerate.  Essentially thank you for being you, and for helping me along this weird long little journey that I ahve started down.

 

Five Steps Back

Yesterday was a tough day.

Not that I don't miss Dad every day. But yesterday was the most difficult day I had in a while.

Mom and I were talking about informing people about what happened to Dad.  

And right there I balled my eyes out.  Because I miss him.  Because I don't get how people don't know.  And because I'm actually terrified to run into those people.

Next week is my birthday and I don't want to face it.  I will no longer be the age that Dad last knew me.  It's mind boogling to me.

The hard days take me back a few days.  I just don't want to be the strong one anymore.