To put it simply, I've always been on the other side of the bed.  I have always been the one reassuring everyone that I am okay, sometimes lying a little bit because you don't want your loved ones to worry even more about you.  I've always been the one who has been bored out of her mind at home while everyone else is living their lives.  I've been the one who sleeps to pass the time instead of watching countless reruns and the clock slowly pass.

Being on the other side sucks almost as much as being stuck in that bed recovering.  I constantly worry about Mom.  I worry that she's pushing herself too much or if she is comfortable.  I worry that she'll start to do things that she shouldn't (cough Mom you need to stop doing that...cough).  I worry that I'm not doing enough to help her out.  And I worry that I'm not doing enough to help my dad.

My mom is strong and so is my dad.  But it's still scary when I don't know how to help them.  I know Mom is going to have her good days and her bad days.  That's what the recovering from a major surgery calls for.  There are times though, I wish I could take all of this away so they didn't have to deal with it.

I just want one year that my family doesn't have to worry about recovering from medical problems or hospital visits.  I want one normal or boring year.  Weird request right?  But honestly, that sounds magical to me.

A Love Letter to My Amazing Mom

I know I have written this many times in this blog, but my mother is truly a saint.

She is recovering from this major surgery, her second major surgery in the past two years, and I get inspired every time I watch her walk down the hall.  Yes, I may give her a hard time as "pay back" for all the times she asked me if I was okay. But I worry about her every day and wish that all the pain she has felt the past few months/years goes away super fast.

She is one of the strongest people I know; barely complaining after this hip surgery.  I can tell how bored she is because my mom is not the type to just sit around and do anything.  It hasn't even been a week, and yet my mom wants to wash dishes because "she can just stand there."

My mother.  She supports me with everything I do without a question and all I could wish for is to do the same in return.

Mom, while I know you are wicked bored right now, just know how proud I am of you for the strength you have shown since this surgery and every day before it.  Please do not be afraid to ask me for anything; from putting on your slippers to moving some books into the living room.  I love you a lot and can not wait until this all is such a distant memory.

My Absolute Everything....

This weekend I had the pleasure of celebrating some very amazing people in my life.  Friday was Mom's birthday.  We went out for drinks with our neighbor Joe and his daughter and son in law.  We ran into an old neighbor and she cried and cried when she saw how grown up Chris was and my parents for the first time in years.  Then we went out to dinner at Kumo and had a lot of fun.  Hibachi can be a very stuffing experience and I look forward to our yearly trek there for Mom's birthday.



Today was Father's day and I got to spend some time with Dad.  It was a beautiful day weather wise and we got to go on some errands this morning.  Dad wasn't too happy upon hearing about the picture I took when he was sitting on the outdoor patio while we were at the store.  Only for the fact that he didn't know I snapped it.  Bazinga, Dad, Bazinga.  He laughed when I went to give him his card because I lost the damn envelope, but he used Chris's card as he was dying laughing at my huge blunder.

I am glad I got to spend quality time with the people whom are always there for me regardless of what I do.  My family.  Dad, Chris, Mom and I had some really good laughs, especially at dinner on Friday.  I don't say it often to them, which is a downfall of mine, but I really do love them.  I am proud to call them my family every single day because they are such amazing people.  They change the world every day without even realizing they do.  Guys, I love you.  Thank you so much for always standing by my side even when I am at my worse.  You take my good and bad sides, even when I don't seem to deserve the  love you so openly give it.  Love you.  So happy to be stuck with you for the rest of my life.

Mamma dukes has been home for a day now and I can already tell she is going stir crazy.  And let me tell you, she is such a rockstar.  Not even joking.

When I went to visit her on Thursday, she had already been walking around.  Yesterday, she got released from the hospital, got home, and had to walk that long long pathway to the front door and the even longer distance up the front stairs.  Now for those who don't know pain, it's like a mile when you are in it.  And she did traveled that distance with grace and a silent determination that honestly brought tears to my eyes.

I never would have thought I would be brought to tears by being so happy for someone. The past few days I have been brought close to tears for that.

Now, it's not to say frustration has not set in for mom.  This is a woman who can not stay still at all and is always on the move.  Even when she has a cold, she is moving.  It's nuts.  So to have to stay in bed all day, it's maddening.  And it's going to be a tough journey for her.  But my mom? She's a tough cookie.  She gets up when she can.  She sits on the bed or couch when she can.  I'm pretty sure she is trying her best not to take her pain medication and just deal but sometimes it's just better to take the medication.

Now I'm hear to entertain her as best as I can, but I know it's difficult.  Dad and I sat on Mom's (really Chris's but whatever) bed to eat dinner tonight.  Pizza from down the street.  And we were just trying to lift her spirits, just like her and Dad used to do for me.

My mother is a beautiful woman who has always had a strength and determination that I always admired.  Gotta love her even more now when she is in incredible pain, but still puts on a smile and very rarely complains.

PS. You should see all the get well wishes and such she is getting.  She is SERIOUSLY loved.

"I'm Eating Breakfast...."

All I wanna do is go visit mom.  To keep her company and try to get her mind off of everything like she tried to do with me.

But instead, I'm going into work.

Update from this morning though:  Mom was having breakfast when I called her earlier in the day, which made her so excited.  Food. It's the most important thing we worry about.  She said she hasn't been in pain, but that sitting up in the bed sometimes makes her light headed.  Last night when she was sitting up she had to recline the bed cause she was in pain.  But go figure that vaso would be part of the whole experience.

I'm gonna call her later to see if she got to walk around at all.  They tried yesterday to have her get up from the bed to move to the chair and she started to get light headed and she couldn't do it.  My mom is a warrior though.  She's gonna do it.

New Place, Same Effect

In 2012, I plan on not visiting a hospital.  Like the whole year.

Mom had her hip replacement surgery this morning.  I said my good lucks last night because she had to go in at 5:30 this morning.  She went in surgery at 7 and I got a text message from my dad saying everything was fine around 9:30 maybe?  To say I was distracted throughout the whole work day is the biggest understatement of the month.

We went to see her after dinner.  Dad had told me she was in pain, that he saw her cry for one of the first times ever.  My mom is a beast.  She never cries even when she is extremely upset.  But I have known she was in pain for weeks now.  Whenever she got in and out of the car she winced in pain.  And the past few days whenever she walked, it was even worse.

So I'm glad she is will no longer have pain.  When we visited, I got choked up a few times.  When she wasn't looking at me but looked so small in the hospital bed.  When she and dad just were staring at each other, or when she grabbed his hand because she was in pain.  It's hard to see a parent uncomfortable.  It's something I have had to do a few times this year and I'm not okay with that.


She is in the hospital for the next few days then she gets to experience the pleasure of being home/bed bound for weeks on end.  I know my mom, it's not gonna last long before she goes absolutely wild.  In fact she already has started.


To mom, who I know will eventually read this.  You will get better. And I'm going to be there whenever you need me every step of the way.


But seriously, no more hospital visits for a few years okay?