Yesterday I realized how scared I was about this whole thing.  I don't know what came over me, but I asked my dad if he thinks I'm going to be okay.  He said of course, no hesitation in his answer.  Me, however? I'm terrified. I don't know why I am so scared but I think it hit me that even after this thing leaves me, there is a possibility of it coming back.  And the recovery after this is fixed is going to be so long that I don't kow how I'm going to survive eight hour shifts at work.

Not only was I nervous last night but I woke up an hour after falling asleep to a flaky feeling on my hands.  I turned on my overhead light to see blood on the palms of my hands and when I went to touch my face, I swore there was more blood.  I looked in a mirror to double check and my face was clear but there was a smear of dry blood on my stomach.  It was like a terrible nightmare; I was told I could not get a cut because if I did, they weren't sure if the blood would clot and here I was with blood all over me after I had slept for an hour.

Luckily Mom heard me in the hallway getting a washcloth, so she came in and cleaned me up but it really got me nervous.  I'm on these blood thinners for a year, what happens if I really do cut myself, and not accidentally touching a scab from a shot I have to take. So of course the rest of the night I could not sleep and kept checking myself every hour to make sure I hadn't started to bleed again.

Okay enough of this feeling bad for myself.....I may have a doctor's appointment today which would be nice although I would have blood drawn which is not so nice.  If you know anyone who may want to read this, you are more then welcome to pass it on.  I know on New Years people expressed interest in getting updated, I'm just too lazy to send it out again.  I hope everyone has a wonderful first day back from work, strangely I would give anything to be fine and be at work dealing with people all day.