Nothing Close to Ordinary: Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

Yesterday I uttered words I had not uttered since this whole thing started. Yesterday I told my parents I was done. I quit. I didn't want to do this anymore. I have tried to be positive throughout this whole ordeal, and for me I kind of succeeded. I have thought to myself that there has to be a bigger reason for this all to be happening to me because well it doesn't happen to people. Yesterday when I was told I needed more blood work for this stomach problem that has not stopped since before Christmas, I broke down. Seriously, just cried and said that I quit. You have to understand, not being able to walk and staying in my bed 24/7 sucks. To top that off, I can't eat the foods that I really want and crave because it doesn't sit with me correctly is awful too. I don't understand why this all is happening to me. I just want it to be over and yesterday, with news of more blood work, I was ready to be done.

I can't say that today my mood got any better. It was nice to have the family home because of the snow. But can you imagine staying home without being able to do anything? Having simple tasks like getting something across the room be near possible? I got stuck in my living room today in the wheelchair because I wanted to look at the snow out front and had to say can someone help me because I'm stuck. While I find humor in it at the time, I sit here with tears coming out of my eyes because I just really want it to end. I would give ANYTHING to go into work tomorrow, have every single person be evil to me, and yet that would still be better then what I am dealing with.

Trying to figure out dinner tonight was awful. I wanted nachos. And not just chips with cheese on top of them. I wanted nachos with onions and chili and guacmole and salsa and sour cream and queso and nothing good on top of them. I wanted the bad boy nachos. But I can't have those. My suggestions for dinner? Grilled cheese and soup. On any other day that may sound good. To me today? Not at all.

Everyone seems to be asking about how my leg is doing. I wish I could say that its going well and I'm walking with no problems but I can't even say that. It hurts to put pressure on my foot. My calf has been tingling all day today and sometimes it's a little painful. I know that taking a pain pill would make that go away but I don't want to depend on those. You know that part of your foot when you bend your toes forwards and backwards (I'm sure this makes zero sense), but its the part that you would stand on if you stood on your tip toes. If I put too much pressure on that, which is HUGE, it hurts. It's a sting sort of feeling. I walk wicked slow and pray that the swelling will go down soon. I'm also hoping by Friday I could pick up speed a little more.

I have blood work to be drawn on Friday and I think the ultra sound is the beginning of next week. Possibly Monday but I don't have my days straight at all. Like today feels like it should be a Monday, not Wednesday. I'm trying to get positive again, really I am. I just think about how this year has started out and find it really really hard to think that its going anywhere but up. My dad is the one that told me I can't judge a whole year on the first 12 days but I think it's understandable why I already have judged it hard. I just miss my life. I want it back now.

I took some pictures today when I was trying to walk around the house the best I could. Or as Tommy would say, I have been doing the pretty girl swag with my crutches. I figured everyone else has taken pictures of their snow day, I figured I would do the same but put it on here. Plus a few more.....here ya go