Growing older is a funny thing. When I was younger, I only worried about myself. My own pain. My own happiness. My own fun. I was the center of the universe and everyone should be at my beck and call to make me happy.
As I got older, I realized that I had to start depending on myself and not expect others to worry about how to entertain me whenever I need them to. But it's not only that. I realized how much I worry about other people and how other's happiness affects my own.
This year has been a great learning experience for me. While I was wallowing, I was also worried about how my terrible mood was affecting my family, even though it may not have seemed like it at the time. I held a lot in during this whole thing because I didn't want to worry my family. Hence, my hospitalization in April. But not only that, I didn't want them to worry about me when I was stuck home and they had to go to work.
Same goes for my friends. I didn't want to ruin their breaks or weekends with my sob stories about how I couldn't move or how painful the freaking clot was. I never asked for anyone to come over because I didn't want them to be pulled down due to my misfortune.
At 24 I realized that I am not the center of the universe, and that when other people, my friends, my family and even extended circle is hurt, it makes me really upset. My mood is affected by those who I care about. My "inner" circle? I never want them to be in pain. I always want them to be happy and with smiles on their faces.
And let me tell you, I understand how difficult it was for my parents this year to see me with the clot and the stomach thing. Because no matter what, they wanted to see me smile. And now all I want is to make those around me smile as well.
No comments:
Post a Comment