The past three weeks, I have been putting one foot in front of another in kind of a fog. I can not imagine life without you at every turn with some sort of helpful hint or just a twinkle in your eye. To give me a hug when I had a hard day at work, or when I'm not feeling okay, and telling me that everything will be okay.
The past three weeks have been miserable without you.
Yesterday, I went to visit with Dad and I just sat there and cried. I'm sure I looked like a lunatic, but I'm okay with that. I realized a little too late on my journey to the cemetary that I didn't bring any tissues. I was a plain mess on the walk back home. It was good to have a conversation with him though. I miss talking to my dad the most; those were some of my favorite conversations.
Today was my first day back at work, but I'm going to slowly work my way back into the whole interacting with customers thing. To be completely honest, sometimes it felt as if it was any normal day after a holiday, with nothing out of the ordinary. But then other times, I wanted to sit in the corner and just cry because I missed him so much. Then a regular customer, whom I didn't realize knew about Dad, said he was sorry to hear about my father. It felt as if someone kicked me in the stomach and my whole breath was taking away from me. I think it's going to be that way for a while, when someone mentions his name and I can't believe I won't actually see you again. That these people who say they are sorry to hear about this great man that they didn't ever have the pleasure of knowing baffles me.
I'm still wishing for a nightmare. I would give anything to go back to that afternoon and change everything. To hug him when I got out of work. To tell him that I love him and how lucky I am to be his daughter. And to just hold him tighter, because I truly miss my best friend.
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