Confession time.
I'm terrified that this blood clot, and flare up happened to me again. I'm also terrified that I will get more blood clots whenever I have these stupid flare ups.
And being scared is not a way to live your life.
It's funny. I have put a huge smile on my face and cracked jokes about a name and those types of things. But the truth is, I don't want people to feel sorry for me. Ever see that look come across someone's face when something bad happens to you? Imagine every single person giving you that look. Most of the time, it's encouraging to know I have people that care about me that much to actually care. But sometimes, it's a kick in the stomach. Because I just want it all to go away.
I'm 25 years old and this is my second (or third if you want to count each one once) blood clot in two years. It's my third trip to the hospital with the whole stomach thing. And every time I'm growing tired of constantly trying to look on the bright side of this thing.
I have been told by countless people that I am strong, which I am so freaking thankful for those words of encouragement. Anytime I hear that, I get empowered to fight this thing a little longer. But I just want a few months, maybe even a full year, where I don't have to worry about what I'm eating, or going to the hospital, or stopping my daily life because my leg is in pain.
I have not been as concerned this go around and I have tried to keep positive the best I can. I mean I'm able to go to work. I'm able to go out with my friends. I'm able to eat some stuff.
But.....One year universe.....is that too much to ask? Please.
This is me feeling sorry for myself on a Friday morning. Like really, I'm excited the weekend is upon us, and that I have a wonderful Halloween costume in my POWER color. I mean how is a girl not supposed to feel beautiful in RED
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