Sometimes, I Need to Get Out of My Own Head

There have been times in my life that I pull away from my friends.  Or at least in my head I pull away from them, for no reason in particular, but I don't talk to them as much or hang out with them as much.  Like I said, there is no particular reason I do this.  Part of me believes that I want to see who is willing to break down these walls.  But I don't think it's fair or nice to put your friends through tests.

Another part of me wonders if I do this because I don't like to get too close to people.  Throughout my life, a lot of people I have been close with have gone away without any explanation.  Perhaps our friendship wasn't as strong as I had originally thought, but maybe I do this whole wall thing because I don't want to be hurt like I have been.

I'm not going to say I am in a funk like I was when I was sick because I am not.  I'm happy.  The only thing that is missing for me though is my friends.  And it's mainly my fault because I'm doing the backing away thing.  If you are reading this and telling me I'm crazy, I already know this.  But I feel like I have not seen or talked to anyone in months which makes me really sad.

This group of friends I have now are unbelievably supportive.  They have been there throughout the Henry stage, they were there the week I was in the hospital, and they just are always there if I ever need anything.  But I haven't been hanging out with them as much as I used to and I don't know why I'm doing that.

I promise to do better for the rest of the summer.  Or at least try.  Because I really do miss my friends.  And the calm nights we have....and don't laugh, because compared to a few nights in recent weeks, we really do have calm nights.

So to my friends who may still read this, I'm sorry I have not really been hanging out with you or getting in touch with you.  Know that everyday I think about you all and do miss having you in my daily life.  I wish I could explain why I suck at keeping in touch, but I really do....exhibit A. is Stacey, the one friend I kept when I moved outta New Haven.  Love you guys more then you know