Thursday, March 10, 2011

8 A.M. and I already had a breakdown

Just today is the reason why I should never look up anything about what is going on with me.  I have already cried and it's not even 8.  Before this morning, I have not cried about this whole thing in weeks, mainly because I am able to do everything I was before the holidays.  I can go to work, eat what I want and do things with my friends.  

According to my mom, and I have not heard this from my dad, but the doctor called yesterday and said there was no change from the ultra sound back in December.  Not the best news to hear after weeks of dealing with this when I had the impression it should be getting smaller with this medicine.

So this morning upon hearing that, I decided to do a google search.  My terms? Blood clots legs recovery.  The word surgery appeared in many of the results for DVT which is what I have.  Now I have never had surgery, the biggest thing was for my ears when I was younger to get tubes put in my ears.  I will not be able to do surgery, I'm such a baby.  And so I asked Mom if she thinks they want to do surgery and that's why they are going to take me off the blood thinners by the end of the month.  It just does not make any sense to me.

Mom gave me a hug and said she doubts it, that she believes they will give me other medicine that will help me out.

As the deadline to get plane tickets for Washington approaches, which I want to do in the next couple of weeks, I am getting anxious.  How will I be unable to go to one of my best friends wedding?  Or even be PART of it. It's just not possible.  Maybe buying the ticket will make it better?

I just wish the past few months never happened. 

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