Two Months

Yesterday marked the two month anniversary of the trip to the hospital.  I still can't decide if it's strange that I mark how long it has been since I had been to the hospital.  But a lot has changed in two months and I can't believe the journey I have already embarked on.  And unfortunately, I'm not the only one who has had a difficult two month journey.  I don't think the year 2011 has been very nice so far to the people I love, but that's neither here nor there or up for discussion during this post.

Two months.

I feel like I have been dealing with this for a year.  Two months in normal terms is fast, the way life had been going for me before this it was just a blink of an eye.  But two months now means an eternity of unknown and the most difficult time period I can remember.  Before this happened, I remember thinking finals time was difficult, crying because I just did not think I was going to do well on a test.  If I had a chance I wish I could go back to those difficult times because from where I am standing now, it's a cake walk.

Two months ago I could not even walk to use the bathroom.  I had already had a week of my stomach being an issue but the walking bit? That truly sucked.  The pain was awful, my leg was huge, and as gross as it may sound, I was not showering every day because the effort just too much for laying in bed day in and day out.  Two months ago I spent hours at the hospital with my parents trying to figure out what was wrong with my leg, learning it was a blood clot and started to take medicine that no ordinary 24 year old takes.  I had shots in my stomach which thankfully stopped a few weeks after that fateful day.  Two months ago I could not do anything by myself from showering, to getting dinner, to getting my medicine.  I could not carry anything because I was on crutches and learned to stuff whatever I needed in my coat pockets.

I lived in sweat pants and had my leg elevated 24/7.  I couldn't go to work, barely spoke to my friends, and cried all the time. 

It's difficult for me to remember exactly what I was going through at that time.  There is a strong sense of pain and emotions that I remember, but I can't remember the pain that my leg was in even if someone touched it or how I had to stop walking across the parking lot outside of my doctor's office because the pain was too much and I needed a breather.

 To say that I look like I'm back to normal today is a complete understatement, but the sad truth is, I am completely changed because of that fateful day two months ago.  I am back to work which is great but I drink more water than I have ever in my life.  Water has become my go to drink which is SO boring but it's what will hopefully make my blood clot disappear.  I can go out at night with my friends, but I am always nervous about the size of my calf or if my stomach will start acting up.  I can eat food and not have it hurt, but once again I still get nervous about my eating experience.  And most importantly I can walk, which two months ago I had trouble imagining would happen again.

Yes, I am a drama queen at times, but this whole experience taught me what real pain is.  I was talking to my boss and Mar on Friday saying I kind of understand what they say when you give birth.  I always heard it's the most painful thing in the world but you begin to forget the pain which allows woman to have another kid.  It's been two months and I have forgotten all the pain and embarassment I had to endure during these past two months.  It hasn't even been that long with my stomach and I already have forgotten the pain that put me in.

The fact of the matter is that yesterday marked two months of the journey that I began with the diagnosis of my blood clot. I had all sorts of plans that I never thought I would have to double check with my doctors if I could actually go through with them.  I seem to be back to normal, whatever normal is now, but I still don't know what caused the blood clot, or what is going on with my insides.  I don't know how much longer I will have to be on my medicines, or if I'm going to have to deal with this my whole life.  But I'm better, or at least that's what I keep telling myself.  

2011 has not been a very nice year to me yet, but I'm figuring the pay off I will get eventually will have to be huge.  I mean if anyone deserves something good to happen to them, it's me and the people I hold dear to my heart, right?

That's all for now.  While this may make sense to nobody else, I thought it was necessary.  I plan on posting something again later tonight for you loves