Chicken or the Egg

Thursday's doctor appointment was more of a check in, without much new information given to us.  This particular appointment was for my insides and once again he spoke at an elevated language but having my parents there this time made me more comfortable. He explained to me about what the steroids should be doing and how he does not want me on them for that long.   If necessary he will increase the dosage, but when I am starting to get off the medicine, I need to gradually ween myself off of it.  I find this to be interesting but so far, so good with the insides.  It still gives me trouble, but it's not as frequent which leads me to believe that the medicine is actually working.

The other stomach medicine I may be increasing after the steroids, especially because it has taken away the pain in my stomach. 

This is my second post with a very cliche title as the topic but today I use it because my dad asked this of the doctor after one of the statements he said about my blood clot and my insides.  He said that the inside part could be genetic (gross) but at the same time there may be a connection for the blood clot and the problems with my stomach.  Only problem is they are unable to test what caused the blood clot because I can not be on my blood thinners to have a conclusive result.  The doctor said however that there is a possiblity the clot was formed because of my stomach issues which led to my father saying it's a chicken and a egg situation, which problem was done first.

Thursday night I made the decision to try to not care what people think of me when they see me go to the restroom multiple times when I am out.  I concern myself with what others think of me sometimes, and while I think most people do this, I have become even more self conscious since this whole problem began.  There have been several times that I have had to go to a bathroom many different times and have concerned myself with what people who don't know what's going on must think.  Being skinny and constantly getting up, I start to worry that people may believe I have a eating disorder.  But on Thursday I come to the realization that I can not worry about this at all.  My weight loss may be from eating because I have been having such issues with my insides, but I think there is also a loss because of the muscle mass I may have lost from laying in bed without any activity for a month.  I have embraced who I am now, that this is the size I may have to be for a while which is fine with me as long as I get some new pants.  And while the steroids make me want to eat ALL THE TIME, I plan on starting to eat healthier so I don't just gain weight on crap food.  And I'm starting to go on the bike so I can start to tone my legs once again.

But that starts on Monday because I have already eaten way too much crap this weekend and am craving some more at the current moment.  If this is what pregnant women deal with all the time, I do not know how a person can go through nine months of this.

Now off to spend quality family time with the parentals watching the NBA All Star activities.  And hoping that John Wall does not win this skills challenge.